AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

I think she's fortunate to get that.

I appreciate you lived further away but you didn't help your sister in 17 years. She carried the load caring for your Dad, and then your Mum. You refused to help, what did you expect to happen? Unfortunately, as the saying goes 'you reap what you sow'. I think you're lucky to receive £10K.

You're right - she took care of her at her own accord and your mother recognised this - and so changed her will at her own accord.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

My daily commute to work is not much less than 50 miles. You didn't visit her because you didn't want to, be honest. And yet you expect her money.

With an attitude like that I'm not surprised your mum changed her will. You didn't give a fuck about her or your sister but now there's cash involved you're holding your hand out.

Pretty sickening really.

Reads more and more like a total wind up.

so you really did not do a thing for her and your sister DID ALL YOU DESCRIBED, well fair play by mum then.

I’m NC with my mother as she’s an abusive narcissist, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she changes her will to favour my two sisters - one of which destroyed my childhood and the other one is her flying monkey.

I’m not expecting anything. It doesn’t sound like you should have done either OP.

It doesn’t sound like you really care that your mum has died, all you wanted was more from her estate. I’d be very grateful to get 10k if I’d treated my mum like it sounds like you did. Only seeing her once in 4 years, please tell me that’s a joke? And you believe you should have got more. Get a grip.

I'm sorry about your mum but you don't deserve anything OP.

This is such an immense reverse I think it’s imploded and caused a black hole. Someone should really inform NASA.

This has to be a wind up… BUT… my brothers are exactly the same, sauntered off to Oz, one made no contact in fifteen years, the other was better, a few visits, occasional birthday / Christmas cards, a call a couple of times a year. No concern through Covid although she was clearly vulnerable (you know they had it worse in Oz 🙄) - she talked about cutting them out completely but in the end they got a fifth of what I did… they are bloody raging!!!

So, two years on you’d think they’d try a little harder with their elderly dad, right? Well no, one WhatsApp in 12 months. Dad has changed his will at my suggestion. House to his second wife, cash to her grandchildren (he’s been in their life since birth). Not looking forward to round two…

Wind up

you have a backstory with your mum, you went NC and didnt want to be around her. All people in your situation do not expect inheritance. I don't.

10k is not that small amount and your sister earned it - at least this is what your mother thought or was convinced/coerced to think

sorry for you and your bad mother and horrible life

I migrated abroad and was NC. I don't care now....their health care is on my brother. He does it and just all is perfect as it is

ok then, if it is a reverse, did you coerce your mother OP

You are not only being absudly unreasonable, you're being a ridiculous entitled sore loser. Why do you think you are owed anything?? And to try to quibble over the % split is almost laughable. Do you really think, given your lack of involvement, care, concern or love it should be reciprocated like its your birthrite?? Please. Your sister stepped up and handled eveything incl being there supporting your mother (and helped her when your mother was in need with her husband). If I were her I would be irritated that you even get a penny..and aghast that you feel you "deserve" more. WTH for??? I would offer condolences but you seem to care more about inheritance than the loss of your mother

Assuming England, Wales, or NI here; if the will was executed in and/or your late mother was normally resident in Scotland this doesn't apply and you may have a legal claim.

RE the Solicitor's lack of contact/notification: when your mother changed the will, your status changed from "residuary beneficiary" (left a % of the estate) to "pecuniary beneficiary" (left an exact monetary amount named in the will). Your expectations ARE similar to what you'd have expected as a residuary bene. At the time of death, you would have become partial owner of the estate and because your share could vary in amount as markets fluctuated and could be reduced by expenses incurred related to the funeral, legal expenses related to managing the will and estate, etc., you typically WOULD have been contacted at/near the start of the probate period and kept apprised of progress during the probate period. You also would have had a right to access the estate accounts and would typically have been provided a summary to sign off on before the estate was closed.

Since you were NOT a residuary beneficiary under the will that actually applied at your mother's death, and not a co-owner of the estate but rather a recipient of a fixed legacy, there was no obligation or need to contact you. It's fairly typical that a pecuniary bene wouldn't be contacted until the monies were ready to be paid out.

Do you think your mother may not have been of sound mind when she changed the will, or that she might have been improperly influenced by someone else to do it? Otherwise all you can really do is check the will - as you said you can pay a small fee to obtain a copy - and make sure that what you have been told you'll receive IS what the will says. If you are satisfied that your mother freely chose to leave you exactly £10K, then your opinion or anyone else's that that was not the right or fair amount is irrelevant and all that matters was what she chose to do.

Unfortunately for you I think your sister should get most of it. I say this as a sibling who will probably do very little for my parents when they reach this stage (mainly due to me living overseas, but also due to abuse inflicted on me by my parents). I’m happy to forgo a share of any inheritance in exchange for not looking after them.

You were spiteful. That's come back to bite you on the arse. Learn from this and change your behaviour.

Tricky. If you're at the other end of the country and the parent lived closer to another sibling, It's expected that the closer sibling did the lions share of caring. It's the only practical way. But at the end of the day the will should be equal. Not seeing your mum for 4 years though is not on.

My sister does sod all for our elderly parents. I do everything. And she doesn’t work. I work and live more than 50 miles away from them. It will be 50:50 when they die and that’s fine. Every time I think it sticks in my craw a bit I remind myself that it’s their wishes and she missed out on lots of time with her parents because she was a selfish pig. No money can compensate for that. If you think you’re entitled to anything I honestly think you are mad.

And you made yours @Leftoutthewill.

I get you're a bit shocked, but you have £10k. That is the best part of a tidy sum. Focus on what you can do with that money going forward. Be grateful, not resentful about it.

You're being ridiculous. You admit that your sister did far more and that she deserves more. Your parent made the will knowing their own mind. Your sister even has the burden of being executor. Be grateful for the £10,000 - which you've 'earned' merely by being offspring.

It's pretty crass to expect an inheritance from a parent that you couldn't even be arsed to see. But that doesn't seem to worry you?