To ask for reasons NOT to get a dog?

[Waheymum]

I'm pregnant with my & DH's second child, first is a toddler. DH desperately wants a dog. I'm left with almost all childcare because he works irregular hours, and this wouldn't change if he had a dog so I'd be left looking after two children and a dog. I take DC1 out to groups/soft play/etc most days so it's not like I'm sitting around at home to look after a dog. On top of this, I just don't want one: I'm not ready to commit to a dog, they're a lot of work, I couldn't just take a dog out with my DCs to kids' activities.

AIBU not to want a dog at this time, and could you relay some experiences/stories that explain why it's a bad idea?

I love dogs. But there are so many reasons not to get them, when you have small children.

1. Dogs are the same commitment as small children.
2. Children grow up and the commitment lessens - not for dogs - they are the eternal 3 year old
3. Dogs need daily regular exercise - on top of small children commitment this is a big part of every day
4. Children move differently to adults, which in many ways upsets dogs and they react badly
5. Enjoy you children when they are little - it doesn't last forever

Yes the poo - dangerous to kids!

Sounds horrendous to have to deal with training a puppy on top of a newborn. Your husband sounds v selfish to not understand this.

Absolutely not. An extra stress and thing to worry about. My friends DP really wanted one recently so now they've got a puppy black lab who needs so much training and attention and it all seems to fall on her. She's not even pregnant or with children and it's a lot! I'd say no way.

Apart from that, dog hair, more work, takes space , hygiene, makes holidays complicated etc.

We got a dog when i was a teenager on the condition me and my siblings would do most of the dog walking. It was a perfect time to get one and we were old enough to take responsibility and it was a great thing to happen on difficult teenage years

Just say no.

When he is able to look after a dog, he can perhaps get one with your agreement. He isn't available, so the dog won't have a carer.

Picking up dog poo

I’ve never had a dog. I would like one one day but it takes so much commitment. It’s basically like having another child and I already have five plus a husband who may as well be one most of the time… Plus when you both work full time, it isn’t fair on the dog who would be home alone all day. They’re also super expensive as pets go.

YANBU. I found going from 1 to 2 children a big change, and for the first 6 months I felt very torn between meeting the needs of my new baby and my 2 year old. It felt like every time I was feeding my eldest also needed the potty! My baby’s naps were more disrupted due to my eldest’s morning groups. Things like this made me feel guilty enough- adding a dog into the mix would have felt very hard.

It could be one you re-visit in a few years when your DCs will be that little bit older and more independent? It doesn’t have to be a ‘no’ forever…

Definitely not suitable for your at present. If you are not totally dog averse then tell him that you can review that when youngest child is ten or whatever suits you.

The fact you don't want a dog is enough reason without adding a new born and a toddler to the mix. Wait until both DC are age 5 + before you reconsider as that gives much more choice and is far less stressful.

They drop hair everywhere.
Leave muddy footprints everywhere especially in winter.
Despite best intentions they will sneak on sofas and eventually the beds
They want and need a walk even when its dark cold and raining

Op you don't want a dog so don't get one, with a newborn it will be too much. I got my dog when my child was 18 months. The first few weeks puppy training was hard work. He's good as gold now though. It depends very much on the breed. We have a whippet he's very lazy and happy to be left (I work part time) he sleeps most of the time, hardly sheds at all. I don't mind taking for walks as I run anyway so he just comes along. My mums looks after him if we got away. Do not get a working breed that needs loads of walks and training people make this mistake all the time. Point is you don't want one so do not get bullied into getting one!

My 3 reasons would be

1. I don’t really like them or their smell.
2. I couldn’t stomach picking up their plop every day.
3. I’d get stressed seeing the dog so upset night after night during firework season.

I’ve got 3 large dogs and whilst I love them dearly, they are huge long term commitment financially, emotionally and practically. They need to be fed, watered and walked every day. On top of the costs of food which is continually rising, add in insurance, vet bills for health checks, jabs or unplanned visits if they become unwell/injured, groomers visits, kennels or dog sitters for when you’re on holiday.

The puppy phase is hard going - teaching them the basics, cleaning up accidents, teething, thinking you’ve puppy proofed a room only to find they’ve somehow got hold of a rogue shoe/sock/cushion/corner of your coffee table.

Dog hair becomes your life. It matters not how often you sweep up or hoover, you’ll still find hairs on your clothes, in your underwear and occasionally floating in that first morning cuppa that you’re relying on to wake you up after having your sleep rudely interrupted at 3am by the unmistakable sound of the dog retching downstairs.

Your pristine lawn? Ha - that’s but a memory from a bygone age. Now, thanks to their zoomies, you get to enjoy sipping an Aperol Spritz on a warm Summer evening sat out on churned up mud, interspersed with the occasional clump of weeds.

And worst of all, living with the knowledge that one day, they’re not going to be there anymore and the heartbreak you’ll feel from the deafening silence in the house will hit you in a way you’ve never felt before.

I honestly do love my three and I wouldn’t change a thing. But taking on a dog is no small thing and too many people are blasé about the impact it has on your life. With a toddler and another on the way, now is not the right time to be bringing a dog into the mix, especially if your DH isn’t pulling his weight at home as it is. Too many dogs are in rescues and kennels. Please don’t add to the number.

We got a mini dachshund 1 year before we ended up having our first baby, now 15months and pregnant with our second baby.

We have him, we love him, we would never give him up, but my life would be so much easier without him.

Have to do 1 walk a day, rain or shine. If I’m exhausted I still have to go. I’ve missed out on some mum meet ups because I have to squeeze in baby classes/activities and the dog walk. Vets bills for routine things e.g. vaccines, flea treatment, are pretty high. If me and my husband want to do a couples thing not only do we need to sort childcare but also dog care which is an extra burden. Walking him alongside the pram is a pain - there is no one else who would do dog walks so it falls to me. Lots of cleaning up after muddy walks too. If we don’t give him enough attention during the day he wakes at 3am wanting to go into the garden to explore (our baby sleeps through so this is exhausting for us). Having him as a puppy to toilet train was so much work and mess, luckily we had no children then. Got to stop the dog licking the baby constantly and the baby trying to eat his food and from tipping his water bowl out. Got to stop the dog taking the baby’s new toys.

On the plus side our toddler has a great bond with him, he’s the most affectionate dog and we love that the children will grow up with a dog.

I’d say get a dog when the children are older. Can take it on walks independently so it doesn’t all fall to you. Can help with feeding, letting them out and keeping them company. Otherwise yes, you’re getting another dependent.

Last thing at night and first thing in the morning you have to go out with the dog so he can pee, walks daily, can’t go away without planning, can’t visit people without planning.

Also I don’t think a baby and a dog work, imagine a poor puppy who could have gone to a house where they’re treated as the baby of their family, now imagine your house where they’ll be constantly told they’re not allowed here or there, and you have to move them to another room when you put the baby down etc. op tell uour dh you’re sorry but no way. You will be on here next year asking about rehoming

We’ve got dogs and have always had them. I think the important bit that stands out here is your husband isn’t around to look after them. It’s tough enough with young children with not much input from another parent (I have done it). He’s adding more responsibility to you when you don’t want it. That should be enough.

I did the puppies with small kids because I love dogs and would hate a house without them. It wasn’t bad as I’m used to looking after dogs. And they were fab with the kids too. But that was my choice to add the extra responsibility in, not my husband's.

don’t do it- I’ve got 2 dogs. My kids are grown up now but it’s still lots of work. They poo in the garden where your kids want to play and need lots of walks. You can’t just get up and go somewhere without thinking what about the dogs? They are very expensive- vets/grooming/food/kennel/etc is £1000’s a year. I love my dogs and have time now but it would be a nightmare with a newborn. Also they bark when someone comes to the door ( usually when you have just put the baby down!)

There are so many ways to have a dog without having a dog these days. Tell your dh to offer to walk friend's/family member's dogs on his days off. Join borrow my doggy and look after other people's dogs on his days off, or use his holiday to look after dogs whilst they're on holiday. He probably won't want to

I joined borrow my doggy and it's worked out great. I get to go out walking which is good for my mental health, but I have zero expenses. The owner I walk for even pays for my fuel. I get to do all the fun part, without any of the burden, the owner gets a break and the dog gets to go out. It's win win win

Do not give in. Dogs are so much hard work and completely limit your life. I gave in when my youngest was 10. I could not have coped with 2 young children and a dog. I do love my now 9 year old dog, but life is so much more complicated and now both kids are at uni I often wish I didn't have him. Can't easily go and visit them, can't have nights away with my husband., can't leave my wfh job. Even going to gigs is out if we can't get there, see a band and home again in 4 hrs. Unles you really, really want a dog, do not get one.

And, anywhere around here at least, usually the need to book kennels well in advance, especially for any school holiday times.

The inability to go away anywhere at very short notice if you can’t take the dog, is the main reason dh and I (retired) haven’t acquired another dog, much as I love them. We don’t have anyone we could leave a dog with, either, and TBH never did - my DM was so squeamish about the idea of picking up poo, so could never ask her to have our dog.

Dog poop
vets bills
up in the night with a pup and a baby
tied to the house
cost of boarding if you go away
plus you’ll be left with the lions share of the care while he gets the fun.

Tell him no. Explain exactly the same to him as you have said in this post. You're pregnant and have a toddler to look after. Tell him unless he's going to be responsible for the dog himself he's not having one. He knows full well he'll leave it all to you because of his work commitments. You're not unreasonable to say no. You don't even need excuses you have enough reason to tell him straight that no you're not adding a dog to the family home as you know all the responsibility will be dumped on to you

I love dogs, but I’m actually on your side with this one. You already have your hands full. New puppies are a big full time commitment and not something that I would contemplate in your present situation. They also come with razor sharp teeth and cannot be left alone for long periods of time.Tell your dick of a husband that you will be willing to discuss this again when the children are older and it can be a family decision. Also he would be the main carer for the dog.

Sounds like you have got enough to be dealing with without adding a dog, stick to your guns with DH absolutely not a chance
and if he comes home and surprises you with a dog you tell him he either takes it back or stays home to look after it.