AIBU to be confused: some couples don’t share a bed/room with their when they have a new baby?

[Raye7]

Today i discovered some couples don’t sleep in the same bed when they have a new baby (and the dad/other parent doesn’t help through the night). It’s not something we have done or even considered.

Does your partner sleep in the same bed as you, if you have a newborn/baby who wakes in the night?

Why do people choose to do this?

(obviously i know i am being unreasonable - people can do what they want - posting here for traction)

So each parent can have a turn of getting a bit of sleep. Is this not obvious? What an odd question!

DD didn't sleep, there was no point us both being totally knackered plus DH had to go to work at 8am every day and deliver his work at a high level, while I was on mat leave I could nap or lie on the sofa watching Friends reruns. I used to take the spare room on a Saturday night! DS by contrast was an excellent sleeper from birth so haven't had to sleep separately.

I breast fed, I was on maternity leave and DH was working at 6am. So it made sense for first few months

marcyhermit

my youngest is ten now I can’t imagine it myself 😅😅😅

My DH slept on the sofa for most of the first year. He was still working, and got better rest in the living room than he would have in bed, as DC wouldn't settle and was breastfed, so he couldn't really help with night wakes or feeds. Even expressing didn't work, DC wouldn't accept pretend nipples so we couldn't use anything other than breast until DC could take a drink from a sippy cup!

It’s not difficult to work out why. We did because I was breast feeding and co sleeping, zero point in both of us being woken up during the night. My husband slept in the spare room so that he could get enough sleep to function at work, I was breastfeeding so there wasn’t much he could do to help anyway but I’d often take the baby to him in the early hours if they just wouldn’t settle so we’d tag team getting some sleep.

My DH had suffered from terrible sleeping issues and insomnia for ten years before we had DC. He had to go to work so never shared with us once DC1 was born as he couldn't have managed without the sleep. He would get up and take her in the morning before he went to work so I could get some rest. She also napped during the day and I could rest then too. DC2 wouldn't sleep unless she was co-sleeping and I didn't consider it safe to have him in the bed too. Luckily we had the space for him to have his own room.

We bottle fed but alternated (not quite equally but several times a week) so one person in room with baby and one in the spare room so we had a chance at getting decent sleep.

I know quite a few couples where the husband slept separately to avoid his sleep being disturbed.

DH and I didn’t do that but I did everything at night as I was BFing so he wasn’t disturbed much. It worked for us- there’s no point in two people losing sleep.

What is there to be confused about though?

This. Bed big enough for me and baby only!

We bottlefed, no reason for me to be the only sleep deprived one. we shared nappy change, feeding, burping etc. it’s not just feeding is it, theres a whole bunch of stuff a baby needs.

Well I'm not sure where my partner would've slept. When I had eldest I lived in a one bed flat.

Although he was away for the first 4 months of her life.

My husband preferred sleeping in another room so he could undisturbed sleep. I preferred him in another room so I could breastfeed and pump without the stress of trying to make sure I didn’t disturb him

I suspect a lot of times it’s mainly mum who’s not getting much sleep.

We slept in different rooms. I was up constantly through the night breastfeeding, changing nappies, I wanted to be able to watch the TV whilst doing so (back before the smart phone age)!

It made no sense for DH to be disturbed when he had to get up for work very early every morning to do a full day's work on top of a long commute.

I really enjoyed those middle of the night snuggles with baby, and having to not disturb a sleeping DH would have spoiled the experience!

I'd also have been pissed off if I'd only just managed a tiny bit of sleep to be woken up at 5am by DH getting up and ready for work too!

Think it’s to do with breast feeding, didn’t do that, my now 21 year old was in their own room at 3 months sleeping through the night.

You are confused that a lot of women breastfeed so their OHs wouldnt get up in the night?

I’m confused as to why this wouldnt enter your mind and you do t gwt that a lot of women want to breastfeed and know their OHs can’t get up to feed and do it anyway?

We did but then we had a one bedroom flat!

This cracks me up. It wasn't really something I'd considered either, until I had... and baby.

Use your imagination, OP. The reasons why families choose to organise their nights like this are legion. It's not hard to wrap your head around.

We had twins and I couldn't breastfeed, so we took turns and covered the night feeds in two shifts. Later, when they went in their own rooms we usually slept in separate beds and covered a twin each. We probably didn't share a bed properly for about the first eighteen months. The alternative was us both getting no sleep. So ...

It's really about what works for any given couple or family group. As far as we're concerned, we only have one DC and it was manageable without adults sleeping apart. But I know all sorts of different scenarios play out. The key thing is for everyone to attempt to get as good a sleep as they can.

Why do you want to know? Surely it's each to their own.

lol many couples don’t even share a bed even when there are no children or already much older

reason = better sleep

If mum is on maternity leave and Dad is working he Will need a good night's sleep