AIBU to have ditched my family on holiday walk

[Mounjaroday]

On holiday and we’d just started our annual coastal walk. We have to navigate over a very squelchy muddy bit, one at a time. DH goes first, then strides off ahead at pace. As usual. Then the kids leap over, and run off to keep up with him. I’m suddenly left trailing behind at the back yet again, and it’s absolutely maddening.

“Wait up” was met with a rather cross “well keep up then” nonsense from DH. He doesn’t wait for me and they keep going - DH striding away, and the kids trotting along - and they don’t even bother looking where I am. They are easily 20m in front at this point.

So this time, I stopped, turned around and ditched the whole lot of them. Went for a mooch around the lovely gift and antique shops in the local town. Then grabbed a coffee and read some of my book. 2 hours all by myself. It was absolutely fabulous.

Was I unreasonable? They’re all salty about how I’d “left them”.

Activity should be kept to slowest person yet tell that to the kids if they had to wait around to, wouldn't be long before they got grumpy and irritable. I walk faster than my dh I will never lose sight but I would be irritated if I had to keep waiting around as we aren't talking about a sauntering walk here

Agreed. Funny how the DH is happy leaving OP behind but doesn’t want to be left behind himself.

Your DH is inconsiderate and should have waited till everyone was over the muddy bit before continuing walking. First rule of hiking in a group - stay together and go at the pace of the slowest person.

I say good on you. If you were sure DH had the kids under watch so they were safe, it seems a fair response from you.

I like hiking and, if they all ran ahead, I'd probably just have decided to continue the hike on my own. Bliss. My own pace, enjoying nature without having to watch out for anyone else, hiking on my own. They can wait for me at the other end.

But that’s contradictory.

How is it not ok for DH to not walk with OP but it’s fine for OP to not walk with DH?

DH had walked on faster because of the muddy puddle.
OP completely turned around and went a different way.

If the DH had done what OP had done, no one would have been in support of him.

And if she had a good time then great, but it seems silly that she even went on the walk if it’s not her thing.

I think you have the sexes the wrong way round.

It was OP who was upset at being left behind and so she then went and left DH.

Er, no, I didn’t. He left OP behind, and when OP left in protest, he was annoyed at her for being left behind.

You missed out the bit where DH leaves his kids and OP to tackle the muddy puddle by themselves. His kids had to run to catch up with him. OP did own walking shoes (lent to one of the kids), which rather suggests she might have enjoyed the walk … if she hadn’t been watching the rest of her family vanishing into the distance.

A family walk isn’t supposed to be ‘devil take the hindmost’. It’s supposed to be at a pace everyone can manage.

Maybe they were both left behind? OP was originally left behind, so she left DH behind as a consequence. The sexes don't matter there. They weren't working as a team, like you need to on a hike.

I can understand that if she took the car and DH was left, with the kids, at the trail head waiting in the middle of nowhere with no transport for ages, that he would be unhappy about that. I think it would be fair to be salty about that.

Was this just a good walk, near civilisation, or a proper hike? That makes a difference.

Who said the sexes matter? The point is that the DH can’t expect to walk at his own pace and expect his wife to play catch-up with him. And he definitely doesn’t have a leg to stand on with OP heading back and going to the cafe and shops.

There is nothing to suggest OP took the car away, that’s just supposition, OP would have mentioned that.

It was supposed to be a family walk together. You wait for each other and help each other over difficult terrain if needed, when it's a group activity. You don't just stride off and leave one of your number behind.

OP was being left behind and when she asked him to wait, he didn't.

It's not pleasant to be treated like that. It takes the fun out of the walk.

Maybe she would have enjoyed the walk and would have completed it if he'd shown a moment's consideration.

As he didn't, she did the sensible thing and went off to do her own thing.

I'd happily support a bloke going off to the pub or whatever if his family just pissed off when he was falling behind instead of waiting or helping.

Seriously?! That's your take on this, making out it's the fault of OP to be treated like this? Wow, you sound as rude as her husband.

Although the kids didn't need help?

A friend who is a regular cross country trekker always races ahead leaving me to catch up whenever and wherever we're out together. She tells me it's the same with her other friends because she likes to walk at her own pace.
She doesn't like being out on her own but clearly isn't interested in company as she barrels along. I think she just doesn't want to sit alone in a cafe at the end of the trip.
I think I'm going to kick her into touch.
Not that I'm suggesting you do the same to your DH in this instance I hasten to add !

My friend does this - walks off ahead and lets the family trail behind. He used to end up with small children blindly following him across roads because he would just walk ahead and they would follow but of course he would never look back for them 🙈

His wife is very "oh that's what he's like" but it would drive me fucking batshit!! We all go for a walk "together" and he is nowhere to be seen, what's the point?!

And? If they had needed help what good would he have been? What with being so far ahead they needed to run to catch him up?

I prefer if don't wait for me. I like to go at my own pace and enjoy the walk.

It sounds like dh just does his own thing as it suits him and it's up to everyone else to keep up. Not much family togetherness unless all being there counts.

Tbh OP it depends how slow you are. My mum always walks more slowly than everyone, even if I slow down she slows down even further so she remains a couple of steps behind! It can be very annoying.

The last part of this really stands out to me. It gives the impression that DH thinks that being snarky and dismissive to you is acceptable in the first place, and also that the kids are picking that up and thinking they can do it too. Seems that DH needs to wing his neck in and ensure the kids know how to be properly respectful, rather than copying his outrageous behaviour.

Haha good for you! If he ditches you, ditch him back! I'm wondering why this guy thinks it's acceptable to leave you behind though.. it isn't a race or gym session.. it's meant to be a calm walk you enjoy with your partner / family. I'd be having words about what motivates that for him.. as in.. what's going through his mind? It is annoying having to slow down for someone but most men have longer legs than women and should expect this in a male/female relationship and make that 'sacrifice' for their partners.

Won’t read any more of this thread now, but in case anyone hasn’t said this already, fuck you.

You’re not the first, but I think it bears repeating 😊

This 100%!

Same here with a tall long legged husband who walks a lot faster than me. He will wait but then when I've caught up he sets straight off again while I need a moment to catch my breath. So I've given up and just plod along. He doesn't drive so isn't getting home without me so just has to wait.

mine is the opposite - he spends hours and hours in there and has to see everything in minute detail and then he goes back round it all again