AIBU to have ditched my family on holiday walk

[Mounjaroday]

On holiday and we’d just started our annual coastal walk. We have to navigate over a very squelchy muddy bit, one at a time. DH goes first, then strides off ahead at pace. As usual. Then the kids leap over, and run off to keep up with him. I’m suddenly left trailing behind at the back yet again, and it’s absolutely maddening.

“Wait up” was met with a rather cross “well keep up then” nonsense from DH. He doesn’t wait for me and they keep going - DH striding away, and the kids trotting along - and they don’t even bother looking where I am. They are easily 20m in front at this point.

So this time, I stopped, turned around and ditched the whole lot of them. Went for a mooch around the lovely gift and antique shops in the local town. Then grabbed a coffee and read some of my book. 2 hours all by myself. It was absolutely fabulous.

Was I unreasonable? They’re all salty about how I’d “left them”.

It’s quite revealing of personality, for sure.

Your family doesn't know how to hike properly - the slowest member of the group is supposed to set the pace.

Tell your husband he's ignorant.

Actually it can be difficult to walk unusually slow

it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t
sometimes I find it easier to stop every now and then rather then walk real slow

because it’s harder to walk faster than natural than it is walk slower than natural so the person with the easiest adaptations ( walking slower ) should do so unless they think to highly of themselves

Have you seen the video of that lad slipping in the mud when his family are on a walk? haha. You could have been the same!

What an arsehole this man is!

So he strides off at an uncompromising pace without any regard for his family. His children have to run to keep up. His wife, who has paused to check the children get over the tricky bit Ok, unlike him, is simply instructed to keep up.

Good on her for leaving him to it

What a knob.

Are you actually being serious right now ?

It is difficult to walk slowly, but every parent who has a toddler must have mastered this difficult skill set. Adult men can too.

Do you suspect they are some kind of fake family not a real family? A ‘family’ ? Why not be clear about your passive aggressive accusations here?

YANBU. I always feel sorry for women when I see men doing this kind of thing. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon. You didn’t leave them, they left you. You simply stopped trying to keep up with them.

Good on you op.

In your place, I would do the same again tomorrow.

I HATE men who do this.
I’ve done the same, OP. YANBU.
that’s having a boundary and making it clear.
anytime he does this, I’d just keep doing exactly as you did - he’ll either learn, or it will go on but at least you’ll be okay, not running after His Lordship.

I agree it’s classic, I see it all the time and feel horrible for the women struggling to keep up. Why go out for a walk/bike with your wife if you’re going to leave her miserable and alone throughout? Really shines a light on these men.
I disagree on the alpha part though. Whatever alpha means, it’s pretty clear that in terms of physical ability, other men view my husband as one. He is behind me on every bike and hike, because he doesn’t feel the need to prove himself by ‘winning’ against his wife or any other woman.
I’m not trying to be smug, I think it’s common decency to go at the pace of the slowest, it’s sad to see how many men lack this.

"Alpha" is code for most fragile male ego.

The unreasonableness is the example being set for your DC of how to walk as a group with different abilities and a possibly wider point about how to communicate needs and expectations.

Considering it’s described as an annual family event, there would be a lot to gain from unpicking these dynamics. Do you and your DH really want your children to go into the world thinking that it’s ok to treat the less able by simply abandoning them and then, yes, blaming them for not keeping up? You are clearly aware of the issue, I really hope you can get him to see the wider context.

Nope, the kids were safe. You asked. They did their thing, you did yours.

You MUST read the Anne Tyler book about a woman who leaves her family on holiday "Ladder of Years"(1995). The story follows 40-year-old Delia Grinstead, who, feeling unappreciated and stifled, simply walks away from her husband and grown children during a beach vacation and starts a new, independent life in a nearby town.
It’s so satisfying

The point of a family walk is to enjoy the view and experience together. It's not about putting one foot in front of the other, it's about pointing out the cloud that looks like an arm or a rare english orchid etc. What's the point of striding off ahead, where's the joy in that?

Op's H isn't just an inconsiderate dickhead, he's probably an unimaginative philistine who just thinks a walk is getting from A to B as quickly as possible, rather than looking around with his eyes. People like that miss out on so much beauty and wonder. He might as well be on a treadmill in the gym as a coastal path

That’s my take too. They left you. You never leave anyone behind in case they get into trouble. You have a DH problem. Is he selfish and inconsiderate in other areas?

Anyone with any intelligence, hiking experience or even just good manners knows you go at the pace of the slowest person.

You did the right thing.

She didn't say that she did?!?

She just said that she didn't enjoy walking with slow walkers (neither do I), and affirmed OP's response as the correct one.

I hate group walks with much slower walkers. It somehow makes my legs much tireder to crawl along than in does to pace off. And if it's tricky terrain, I feel much more unstable going slowly than if I go at the pace that feels right to me.

My mum always pisses me off on walks because she is very slow going downhill, and wants me to slow down, but doesn't acknowledge that going uphill really fast is hard for me. So I feel no compunction in sodding off and leaving her to it on the downhills.

My dad used to do this when we were kids to my mum - he was an utter dick to her. He will still do this now on walks with us when we occasionally go out, I'll walk at my DDs and DH pace (although can walk at my Dad's pace) and he will walk off at a ridiculous pace without us. I still find it hurtful now. My dad is extremely emotional immature and ego driven and walking at a slower pace somehow makes him feel less than. I always wonder if men like this would do the same if on a walk with friends.

I like walking fast when I'm on my own (probably a product of my childhood) but when I'm with DH and DD I'm walking with them so I walk at their pace. Sometimes we agree I can have a little trot off on my own on a longer walk whilst their chatting but then rejoin them and it's always something we agree together - because you know we're on a walk together and we like each others company and want to share the walk together.

Is your DH patient and thoughtful in life generally? When you explain to him how it feels to be left behind on a walk and what you feel you are modelling to your children is he receptive?

Damn right, good for you. Maybe next time he’ll be more considerate.

Bloody hell. This is that behaviour and what can happen... just popped up in my feed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0k1xkllknmo

Exactly a real leader stays at the back to make sure the pack is safe, the young adolescents trying to prove themselves and show off run off at the front says a lot about op’s husband.