AIBU to have ditched my family on holiday walk

[Mounjaroday]

On holiday and we’d just started our annual coastal walk. We have to navigate over a very squelchy muddy bit, one at a time. DH goes first, then strides off ahead at pace. As usual. Then the kids leap over, and run off to keep up with him. I’m suddenly left trailing behind at the back yet again, and it’s absolutely maddening.

“Wait up” was met with a rather cross “well keep up then” nonsense from DH. He doesn’t wait for me and they keep going - DH striding away, and the kids trotting along - and they don’t even bother looking where I am. They are easily 20m in front at this point.

So this time, I stopped, turned around and ditched the whole lot of them. Went for a mooch around the lovely gift and antique shops in the local town. Then grabbed a coffee and read some of my book. 2 hours all by myself. It was absolutely fabulous.

Was I unreasonable? They’re all salty about how I’d “left them”.

While I don’t think you’re being unreasonable I think you all need to sit down and have a talk so that your kids don’t grow up to be like your dh and walk off on people. Your dh needs to hear that you got together as a team and it’s horrible that it’s his way or nothing. Dh used to say he hated how his dad used to leave his mum behind then started doing it with me and one of the kids always left behind.

Petty.

i would have done this too! Same thing happens with my family and it infuriates me!

I agree with the majority that you weren't being unreasonable. Unless you ignored phone calls. Or if the kids weren't safe with him. My youngest outgrew my boots at age 7 and it sounds like your husband doesn't look out for the kids in slippy mud.

But if you wish to stay married to him maybe don't go on these walks, or if you enjoy them don't do them without the footwear you need in the mud. If he wants a fast walk for his own enjoyment let him go alone while the rest of you do something else?

Well thank you for your well considered and valuable response. I hope that made you feel better 🤷🏻‍♀️

But 'eventually' isn't good enough. OP asked them to wait and they went on without her, and without checking she was OK.
I think she did exactly the right thing.

Well aren't you a dream 🙄

i think this is what you need to do going forward. But agree it from the start ..I like walking but your afternoon sounds heavenly to me 😄 everyone should be able to do what they enjoy on holiday. You can all meet up again later and have a nice meal or whatever you all enjoy.

Totally agree
And if they do fall behind, wait and not set off as soon as they catch up.
If OP doesn’t enjoy walks much send DH off with kids and go and enjoy yourself
btw 20 m isn’t much. It’s not like they vanished out of sight….

Family walks are meant to be fun & you go at the pace of the slowest. To stop them worrying you'd slipped down the cliff. I would've shouted "Bye, I'm off to the shops, see you later".

.

Definitely! I would tell her that walking alone isn't fun so I will join her in a cafe at a convenient time, later on.

Well done for standing up for yourself and enjoying your time!

Absolutely not. Leaving you behind is rude, disrespectful and so unkind. Frankly, I’d tell them exactly how you feel and let them simmer. Enjoy tomorrow’s stroll around the shops, I’d leave them to it.

Well done you! I would have had the same reaction.

However, in my family it's often me who is the one striding off leaving my husband behind. No idea why he has to walk so slowly 😅I find it more tiring to walk slowly than have more momentum walking faster. The kids then have a choice which parent to walk with. It usually goes two with Dad and one with me. A different one each time. It seems to work!

Good point, however remember this bit, which I just read again to check:

“Wait up” was met with a rather cross “well keep up then” nonsense from DH. He doesn’t wait for me and they keep going - DH striding away, and the kids trotting along - and they don’t even bother looking where I am. They are easily 20m in front at this point.”

Granted, a text message to say ‘see you back in town’ might have been wise, but, the impression I get is they were pretty near the start of the walk so, a) it’s not too far back so not much reason for anyone to worry about her welfare; b) it’s not going to get better, just worse, as the walk goes on, and c) they are not listening or responding to her anyway.

There are people who need to ‘lead’ others for whatever reason, on physical activities like fast walks, designed for themselves not all the people with them.
A bloke was in the news recently for leaving his girlfriend on a mountain after dragging her off on a climb way above her experience or ability. More extreme example of course- but he’d done it before as well, with his ex. It’s a form of showing off, probably rooted in insecurity.

Ha ha both annoying! How about the shops? We always split up to wander down a high street and agree a time to meet up, suits me

Wow, this is totally uncalled for! She already said the kids ran to catch him up and she was the last one to cross! There's also no mention of kids ages, genders or heights, and kids are often faster than mums because they have way more energy, and mums have had bodily changes due to childbirth. Men are generally taller and faster than women even if they gave similar fitness levels, why do you think in races they don't put men against women?

Bringing someone's guessed weight into it when it's nothing to do with the situation is ridiculous.

I think you mean there's clearly a range of decency in the family.

Well said.

You didn’t leave them, they left you! YANBU. We all have different interests and holidays especially should be the time to enjoy them without feeling pressurised to doing what others want.

He’s being passive aggressive
don’t give in
you did the right thing.
and every time he does it, turn round and go back.

Not that I'd be doing a coastal walk due to mobility issues but I'd definitely leave them to it, if I were you. If they want to be stroppy about it, tell them ahead of time that you would prefer to mooch around the antique/gift shops/cafes and they can sod off on their brisk, bracing walk, 'BTW, I'll be in X cafe having a hot chocolate and some cake but away you go and freeze your arses off. Are you having fun yet?'.

Maybe she likes going for a walk but dislikes going on a march. LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT! LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD! DON'T YOU DARE LOOKING AT THE VIEW!

ha ha!! go you ....