AIBU to have ditched my family on holiday walk

[Mounjaroday]

On holiday and we’d just started our annual coastal walk. We have to navigate over a very squelchy muddy bit, one at a time. DH goes first, then strides off ahead at pace. As usual. Then the kids leap over, and run off to keep up with him. I’m suddenly left trailing behind at the back yet again, and it’s absolutely maddening.

“Wait up” was met with a rather cross “well keep up then” nonsense from DH. He doesn’t wait for me and they keep going - DH striding away, and the kids trotting along - and they don’t even bother looking where I am. They are easily 20m in front at this point.

So this time, I stopped, turned around and ditched the whole lot of them. Went for a mooch around the lovely gift and antique shops in the local town. Then grabbed a coffee and read some of my book. 2 hours all by myself. It was absolutely fabulous.

Was I unreasonable? They’re all salty about how I’d “left them”.

I think i would have done exactly the same. Everyone's pace is different and it sounds unreasonable of your husband to just expect you to keep up regardless. Do you have to do the walk? Perhaps you could do something that would suit you better and would enjoy more, like you obviously did. If they still want to walk and enjoy that, then it's a win win.

This is an example of lack of care. You’re not important to him, he always walks a head. It’s definitely a sign of neglect. I’d sincerely look into this physiologically. I think you will be surprised at the results. Well done for enjoying yourself, it’s your holiday as well.

In my experience, no, no they don't.

They stop briefly, yell at you to hurry up, or huff and puff at being asked to wait and then as you catch up and look forward to a little breather, they take off again. So you never get a rest.

SO you're constantly left hurrying along behind at an uncomfortable pace, never getting a break, never being involved in conversation or getting to enjoy the surroundings.

Its fucking horrible and if it happened to me now I absolutely would just fuck off and do something else!

The Mum sharing waking shoes/boots/wellies with the children is so familiar OP!

I had three DC .As they got to my shoe size they each used my walking shoes and wellies for walks, scout hikes, school trips, DofE. Consequently, they were always muddy and just didn't feel like mine! Ex had his own. Expensive, chosen after great deliberation, kept in his own special bag!

Same with pub meals when they were smaller. He chose his own, whatever he fancied. I chose mine with a view to sharing a little with the youngest child and what they would eat.

Shocking how these things just creep up on you!

I actually think it’s more shitty and rude to do what they did to OP. I am married to a fellow walk ahead type man but he wouldn’t do this on a family walk! And my kids wouldn’t have left me behind either. Sorry OP but good for you! Sounds like you had a much better day. And a talk needs to be had about common decency. I’d also be sending my husband the news about the guy who got manslaughter charges for leaving his girlfriend behind on a mountain. In all seriousness though if you had fallen and twisted and ankle etc they probably wouldn’t have even noticed.

I have had previous boyfriends behave like this, I’m not getting around the supermarket quick enough, I’m not hiking up the mountain fast enough , it’s so dull, in the end I’d dump them as I felt happier on my own . My husband is completely different, he always walks with me , especially on country walks, he wants to make sure I’m ok , and also we get to talk to each other ! If the track is narrow he will be calling out things like there’s lots of tree roots here sticking up watch out etc. When we go on holiday he loves giving high fives to passenger’s coming the other way , at first I found it embarrassing but actually he’s just being silly and having fun and it makes me laugh , I look at other couples now and I see the fella striding off ahead and I think thank god I’m not in a relationship like that anymore , it’s so miserable and so lonely . I hope the OP finds comfort in the replies , it always struck me as selfish that the kids are put in a position of having to try to
keep up with him as I am pretty sure they would want to be with both their mam and dad x

Nahhh, they abandoned her first! I’d have done the same I think - I’ve definitely thought about it in the past.

I think your husband was being a total jerk. Why wasn't he taking care of you? I have experience of this behaviour and know how hurtful it is. Reminds me of a saying "do not walk in front of me, I may not follow, just walk beside me and be my friend" or something like that.

Sorry but that is more fool you. You chose to be the martyr in those situations. My DH would do that - especially the food thing, and I hated it. We could never go out for a family meal without the self sacrifice order - it was so irritating.

I think it's great you enjoyed yourself.. It's rude to... Ist.. leave you straggeling behind on your own. 2nd... they didn't bother to let you catch up.. good for you.. going and having a good time.. they could learn to be a bit more thoughtful. You are not at fault.. bad example set by your dh as well.

I don't walk fast and I'm done trying to keep up with other people who move faster. They can either walk at my speed or we can separate and I'll meet them at a destination. This feels quite peri-menopausal rage-y to me but is where I am.

You weren't on an enjoyable for you walk, you found an alternative activity. It would only be unreasonable to leave like you did if there were small children and you were on a proper hike somewhere remote / hilly where you need 2-3 adults/ older children for safety.

OMG, you CF!

I'd have ditched them as well, although I'd have used the time to do some exit planning. There's nothing D about your H's attitude and I'd be washing my hands of him. Life is too short to be married to Competitive Dad from The Fast Show.

Good on you. Your husband was being very inconsiderate.

I actually think it's a great example to them. She's showing them that she won't put up with being treated shoddily.

Sounds like the best solution for everyone. Clearly a big range of fitness levels in the family.

Good for you turning back .. it doesn't sound enjoyable for you striding off ahead of you I couldn't be arsed and I love a walk .. walking having a little chat no racing to keep up.
Glad you enjoyed a good read of your book in peace x

Nope you did the right thing they’re all rude , especially your husband

Your DH sounds like a total arsehole! No thought or consideration that you might have fallen……..just striding out and being a twat! What a wonderful example for the kids!

I think you just established a very healthy boundary. Perhaps it’s one that’s been a long time coming. No one should be made to feel like they’re being left behind on a family walk. Now they know you won’t accept that kind of behaviour anymore. More power to you and maybe look to establish other boundaries where they might be disrespecting you.

HNRTFT but I did the same Skiing years ago. Absolutely hated it and husband carried on . Chucked my Skiis into the ground and got a Ski lift back to hotel! Husband had to go back up to find my Skiis ! Have never been Skiing again!

Yeah. I agree with this.

Reading what you went through I thought. Did your DH go to Gordonstone or somewhere like that and had brutal cross countries that you had to finish despite a broken ankle. or are they competitive sports types or something?
I was once on a group walk ( it was actually quite high altitude but I didn't realise at the time because it was UK. ) and I had to keep stopping to use inhaler which I was surprised about and could hear comments that I was unfit etc (ignorant rather than insensitive, but annoying just the same)

Had to see asthma nurse when I got home who was furious on my behalf. It was an eye opener. One of my DC actually needed oxygen on a high altitude hike.. and its amazing how people just cant comprehend that its not about fitness. But also there is an element of self praise and unfair competitiveness at work, I think.

So I think you absolutely did the right thing. Why keep trailing behind em.. I hope it opened their eyes to their crap behaviour! Quite right too. Whatever happened to "no man ( or woman) left behind."

This is silly.

If you don’t like going on the walks then don’t go.

If you do like walking, then go at your own pace.

Why walk back to the car instead of just doing the walk?
I don’t get that at all and you ended up missing out.

I can imagine if DH had done this then the replies would be very different.

Well done, OP.

I’d make it clear from the off in future that if people decide to go off by themselves then you will leave and do your own thing.

She didn't miss out, she had a nice time on her own, having coffee and reading.

Where's the fun in ending up walking on your own on what's supposed to be a family walk, while everyone else steams ahead?