To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Read the updates.

Criminalising fully (not regulating or safeguarding) consensual acts being consenting adults?

I’ve encountered more uncomfortable behaviour in the corporate world than I ever did in my previous line of work. And I had recourse if I didn’t want to see someone again. You can’t choose your colleagues!

@Frienddilem not sure if this has been asked already, but is it likely you will meet him with her? Because he would recognise you surely? I don’t think it’s your business to tell her, as it’s in the past, however if you don’t tell her, he might upon “meeting” you

I’ve already told her but there’d be no plans to meet him with her any time soon, but if they become serious then I’m sure it would happen one day.

You sound vile

It's almost as if you are gleeful this has happened

Let me guess.

Your husband once paid for sex so you are sad and bitter about it?

You definitely did the right thing.

You were a good friend. Well done.

I've been a sex worker for 30 years, I wouldn't recognise most of them if I fell over them to be honest

your reply confirms she's right.

Do you really think that's the only reason to object to prostitution?

Methinks she hit a nerve !! OP was a sex worker of her own free will. It was a choice. Just as it’s a choice for men to use sex workers or not. The responsibility for cheating lies with the man who chooses to use their services, not the sex worker themselves.

Apologies you're correct, I'm not on mainland UK and the rules I referred to were applicable to the part of the UK where I am.

I'm really glad she took it as you intended op, and I agree that at least now she can make an informed decision even though its not one I'd have made myself.

Good luck to you op, they're are a lot of jealous and bitter people who will try and put you down because they wouldn't be able to make a living out of it themselves x

No. But sex workers are not responsible for the choices their clients make. If they are married and cheating, that’s on them.

I knew there’d be some comments - heck, people can’t even ask for basic parenting advice on here without getting an earful from someone!

Genuine question do you feel "used", exploited or coerced?

Agree. More and more OP’s are being chased off their own threads because posters are incapable of sticking to the subject raised, or can’t resist the opportunity to gloat/insult/nitpick, or in your case give unwarranted and unasked for critiques of your morals. This thread has attracted more than its fair share of keyboard warriors just here to deliver smug judgement. Surprised MN haven’t pulled it to be honest.

Yes. In the mistaken belief that it will stop it. In actual fact it will just drive it further into the shadows and make it more dangerous for all involved.

She doesn't sound like that at all. What on earth?

I don’t think the OP comes across as gleeful at all. Not one bit. She sounds genuinely concerned for her friend and IMO has done the right thing by coming clean. And why would you think she’s vile ? The potential infidelity of the men using their services is of no concern to sex workers. The bottom line is if not them, then it would be someone else. So if you stop to moralise you starve.

My view is that OP's previous job was fine and it was her choice to do.

But she should maintain the ex-client's privacy for the domination session she delivered.

What on earth are you talking about ? It was a paying client, and it was years ago. And if your point is that her friend is getting it ‘for free’ I’m not sure you’ve grasped how this works to be honest. You sound misogynistic and unhinged.

Would you be happy if she told your partner or your future partnerr or your Mum and DaD or anybody else you were an escort. Probably not.