To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

No, the term ‘prostitution’ is outdated and sex worker attempts to provide a bit of respect and dignity to those engaged in it, because it’s not always a choice.

Would you really expect the average sex worker to recognise every man she’d ever had sex with ? I think not. But you just couldn’t resist putting OP down could you ?

It's arguably safer than hookups or picking up randos from bars. There's also a massive difference between picking up sexworkers off the streets who may be pimped or addicts, and finding someone who escourts by choice in a safe environment and practices safe sex.

There are many men (and women) who have resigned themselves to that fact that they'll never have an intimate partner, or that the partner they are with will never be intimate with them. Some are disabled. There are many odious people using sex workers, granted, but I don't see them all as equally awful. I can understand why some do it, and others provide a safe service to do it.

This.

Ffs again. There are many odious people using sex workers, granted, but I don't see them all as equally awful. I can understand why some do it, and others provide a safe service to do it

Sex is not a need. They can wank no? They don't need to buy another person. And it's always men buying female bodies. It's utterly disgusting even if you are repulsive/disabled/whatever

What a horrible ignorant comment. Obviously OP has used her line of work to her advantage for as long as she needed to, even going as far as not offering actual sex from a certain point. She’s made free choices and decisions to get where she wants to be in life and although that’s not for everyone I don’t think it suggests lack of self respect or the need for therapy. It was a means to an end, and since we don’t know OP, or the whys and wherefore’s of her decisions, why are we judging ? OP didn’t post for a critique of her decisions, she asked for specific advice. Some posters are using that as a reason to just be insulting. Men have been using women to their advantage for centuries. Why so much aggression towards a woman who has effectively turned the tables ?

If you’re not repulsive or disabled yourself, you really don’t have the experience to be speaking for those who are.

Exactly. A sex worker could have slept with thousands of men, if they did it regularly and for a long time. I’m sure they can’t be expected to remember them all!

Irrelevant. Sex is a want, not a need.

That's another factor.

I still probs look less favourably on the punters as prostitution is ultimately something that exists to fulfil an existing demand.

But it's a bit like drug dealing. Who is worse between the guy that tries drugs a few times and the dealer that enables thousands of addicts?

Except here it was. And the OP was happy to insult other women who didn't make her choice. There are many people with a vested interest in trying to normalise prostitution as "just another job" who refer to "sex worker".

It's not giving any one dignity to sanitise something vile.

No, sex is not a need, but it is an important aspect human (and all animal) relationships, that we are hard-wired to desire. I can fully understand why some people feel bereft without it. Sex is most certainly a CHOICE (that the majority of us are lucky enough to easily make) and as long as everyone involved is making a choice, free of coersion and in safety, i don't judge.

I wasnt the morality police; I was directly quoting OP in their post.

Personally Idgaf if OP was an escort; fair play to using the tools in their arsenal to achieve their goals, what I was highlighting was them using morality as a reason to get involved when it appeared they werent present in the every day life of the friend, OP had mentioned seeing the friend a couple times a year; living an hour away, not particularly close; (so could burn their friendship as a result of making this known). To me it didnt immediately come across as being the real reason.

In either situation i'd want to know it was definitely him; on top of that I'd want to have that converstaion f2f not via text, because its got a better chance of not going awry, and for thise saying sooner rather than later, OP has always got the rationale that she 'didnt realise it was him" until she actually comes face to face with him. Self peace & preservation over suppososition.

I imagine it's less than 1% of a sex worker's customer base is someone disabled. 99% is sad, lonely men buying sex.

Reality goes over your head doesn’t it ?

OP didn’t insult anyone until a few posters decided that the fact she’d been an escort entitled them to insult her. She asked for specific advice on her situation with her friend, not a critique of her morals.

So you’re likening OP to being a drug dealer, even though she offered safe sex in a controlled environment, and entered into it willingly for a price ? As opposed to a sex worker walking the streets, provided by a pimp who probably has them hooked on drugs and likely trafficked ?

Jealous of what exactly? Having to go with mingrs? You must be so disconnected from your body and emotions if you’re choosing to do this kind of work. Most people that are sex workers don’t want to be and I feel sorry for them but these kind of people boasting about living
It up from the money they make from it make me sick. It says a lot about our society doesn’t it? People in caring professions working their asses off to make ends meet and then there’s people like this who do little work and get money thrown at them.

Nope. Every animal on the planet is hard wired to desire it, otherwise there would be no perpetuation of the species.

So are all luxuries in life? So is a TV, so is going abroad and holidaying abroad.

Why does it make you sick to learn of a woman turning the tables on a profession designed entirely to accommodate men ? Which is what OP has done. She was a free agent, made a choice to engage in this kind of work, set the terms herself and used the proceedings to better herself. Then stopped when she got where she wanted to be. Usually this is a situation where men use women, and OP has been savvy enough to use the men in the same detached and business like way to get what she wants. I think that’s why she’s meeting with so much judgement here.

I remember reading years ago disabled people using PIP to pay sex workers because they wanted to experience intimacy. On the BBC. They hadn't experienced touch that wasn't medical and wanted more.

Prostitution is not the aim of feminism.

Is anyone saying it is ?

A lot of posts are seeing it as liberating, 'turning the tables' on men. It's not.