To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

I would want to know.

It's an old joke 😃

Tell her OP, he's a sleazebag and he does not deserve a shot a happiness nor does your friend a bullet to the heart

Yep just for that, also there is NO justifying using a woman for sex. I don't care if you were ever lonely, shy, autistic, ugly : NO excuses or valid reasons

I don’t think your friend is going to thank you for this. Either way your friendship is going to be affected . I would keep schtum. I’m not sure your motives are pure here- are you jealous of your friend? Are you secretly quite glad to get some revenge on one of your ex clients?

Oh and confidence has nothing to do with my not ever wanting to sell my body for sex.

Yes, but your employer isn't purchasing your sexual consent, is he/she? At least, I hope not.

true but my point was some people do want the $$ and why not trade for $$ if your going to do it for free ?

Please tell your friend. This is a HUGE line in the sand for me and I would definitely want to know. I’m gobsmacked at the number of people telling you not to say anything.

🤣🤣🤣

Revenge? Over probably four sessions he paid me a four figure sum to do as I pleased. I often wonder why I gave it up 😂

I'd want to know and I'd ditch him.

Agreed. I'd ditch him.

These replies are extraordinary. Her new partner has used a woman for sex. How would you feel if he told her but you didn’t?

I would like to know if my partner uses or used sex workers as I would like the freedom to choose whether or not to continue the relationship (I choose not)
if you are her friend then you should tell her.

The point is not actually about why he saw you. I think the point is, I am guessing if she ever found out you had any relations with her fella and not told her - your friendship would likely be over. She deserves for it to not be a secret that you too had some sort of sexual relationship.

Tell her. Men who use escorts don't stop because they're dating, you know that - how many of your punters were married? (rhetorical question)

He was respectful towards you, so I wouldn't go there.

Really glad to hear you plan to tell her. Finding out that my friend and boyfriend had lied about something like this would be something that permanently destroyed both relationships, and I suspect many others would feel similarly. Good job for being honest, I hope it goes well.

If your friend hasn't cut you off despite knowing what you used to do for a living she should, in theory, be ok with her new boyfriend having supported that industry. Sorry but from what you've said (did it willingly, no regrets) you and he are as good or as bad as each other, depending on one's moral thoughts about sex work between free and willing participants. Many people are fine with it, many are not. Both views should be respected.

Many people think they are liberal about these things until it impacts them personally. I think that's hypocritical, personally.

If I was your friend, I would want to know, yes. Personally, i would then dump the boyfriend and tbh I would question our friendship, realising that I had been a hypocrite and actually I didn't want to associate with the purveyors nor purchasers of sex.

Your friend might think it's odd/uncomfortable that you've slept with her ex but consider it's no more her business than any of the rest of his historic sex life.

Just tell her calmly and factually and be prepared for the friendship to end, but you will have done the right thing.

If I was the friend I’d want to know that information and thank you for telling me. If I found out later and you’d not told me I would find that harder to deal with.

@Frienddilem He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect.

So what's the issue?

It seems really hypocritical to be gleefully revelling in the financial gain of your previous work, yet, you can't even respect the confidentiality of the people who contacted you.

I suppose it means a masochist enjoys pain, so true sadism would mean refusing to hit them?

Exactly.

I have a low opinion of men who pay for sex, whether from women or from men. But OP doesn't seem to have been forced by finance etc to do it. She seems to feel it benefited her yet only condemns her clients, ignoring her own role in commodifying women's sexuality, commercialising intimacy & enabling infidelity.

110%. I wouldn't want any lad who had been with a sex worker. No offence to you !