To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

I’m curious whether she knows he likes being dominated? Especially by a stranger. Could this throw a whole new light on her relationship if he hasn’t confided in her that he has this kink, and then she finds out that 3 years earlier he was being dominated by a prostitute, and then finds out the prostitute is her friend! Very delicate situation I think. I am not sure what you should do but it’s a hard secret to keep if they stay together

Yes this!

be careful OP

Could you explain consent to me? Just because it's sounding like you don't understand it which is concerning.

I did answer your ridiculous "question" when I pointed out that it's a risible false equivalence to compare jills with johns, as literally everyone knows, even people wittily pretending to miss irony and calling women slappers while denying sexism.

OP, you're the expert. I thought this guy was a misogynist but now I'm starting to think he's just a freeloader. He's clearly looking for attention and to be dommed, so what should I be charging?

Wow a lot of judgement here! OP I would say to your friend, ‘friend, I think your new fella may be an old client of mine but am not 100% sure. If you’d rather not confirm either way then I’ll say no more about it, but if you do want to know then let me know and I’ll find out for certain. Sorry if that’s tough to hear but you’re my friend and I value our relationship so wouldn’t want to keep the possibility from you’.

Then she can either choose blissful ignorance if she’s not fussed or she can knowingly make a decision to leave or stay.

Those who are saying it’s not your place, that’s ridiculous, one thing if it’s a neighbour over the road’s husband, this is a close friend who knows you were an escort.

Perfectly know what consent is. Why are you asking?

YANBU to tell her. Men who use escorts are often wronguns. She doesn’t think highly of them, and also she might not be interested in domination. It might save her from being with a man who is hiding secrets.

However, prepare for this to blow up in your face. If she decides to stay with him anyway, you’ll probably lose her as a friend. She won’t want to risk the awkwardness of you two coming into contact. Also she may want to support him if he feels you’ve been unprofessional in sharing that he’s a punter.

Maybe you could ask her about a fictional friend in the same situation: your friend’s new boyfriend is a former punter, what should you do? See what she says, that will give you a gauge on whether she would want to be told herself. Obviously you’ll have to be careful to not let on that she is, in fact, the friend!

It don’t be blissful ignorance

I think if op tells her she gets binned rather than boyfriend

not her place

Then she’s well shot of a friend who would dump her over being honest about a guy she is seeing…just my opinion.

for the love of god please don’t let it be you to ‘dom’ me whatever that means but it sounds awful if you are doing it.

all the best 😎

I would 100% want to know, so yes please do tell her thats what friends do. And Id be really pissed with any friend who knew my new partner saw escorts to be dominated by and didnt tell me.

Because your posts seem to suggest you are struggling to grasp why it's unfair to judge a sex worker in the same way you'd judge someone purchasing the services.

If someone is dependent on sex work for income to pay their bills then they CANNOT GIVE CONSENT. So by calling op a "slapper" (super misogynistic term you've used there- also concerning for a dad of a teen) because she has been a sex worker at one stage and talking about women "happily opening their legs" says you know fuck all about consent.

Do better.

I would want to know if my friend had previously slept with the man I’m seeing, as an escort or not. Cant believe people think YABU, I don’t think they would be too impressed if they found out years later their friend had slept with their DP/DH and never said. Imagine if they get married and you keep this secret for years.

Tell her, what she does with the info is up to her. It may not bother her but at least you’ve been honest.

I've been thinking about this. The man pays for a session to be dominated. To fulfill a fantasy he's had. It's not even sex. He pays the agreed price she's willing to do it and they have the session.

As far as OP said no evidence of him overstepping session boundaries or violating consent. And then she go violates his privacy to a session they had.

R.e. not consent because it depends on income. Is that true for porn stars as well? Their income is dependent on sex with other porn stars?

Well this is why you should go to a professional when you're desperate for attention and domming rather than freeloading on Mumsnet. It may be full of women but they don't care what you like and don't discuss the limits beforehand to make sure it goes the way you want. Pay and you'll get the service you prefer. Freeload and there are no guarantees, boy.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this but as the OP knows that the guy has a kink (being dominated) it might be useful for OPs friend to know about the kink. Friend might not be into domination and its possible that she might not want to date someone who is

She said that most women WOULDNT sell sex.

They have a choice in job, so by agreeing said job is consent…

Wasn’t necessary calling op a slapper, apologies if I did.

why does my teen child have to do with this? As far as I know they don’t sell there body?

open there legs, yes the prozzies do that happily if they get paid

yes it is unfair to judge them differently. Neither are doing anything they don’t consent to.

Don’t really understand why the drawbridge always seems to go up when it comes to protecting a man. I think she would be hurt if you didn’t let her know and I think she deserves to know.

I would explain why this post is so ignorant and sexist but you would still not understand. Doesn't matter. Everyone else can see why.

However, you were asking why your earlier post was misogynistic. It's been deleted so if you really want to know, you can ask MNHQ.

Didn’t think you were replying to me

Pleased you are talking for all women on here.

why should I go to a professional? Why am I desperate for attention?

what limits are you on about ?

’boy’?? Why thank you ☺️

I really wish we could ban men

I’m sure they will tell me… I’m sure you pressed that report button many times cause I didn’t agree with you