To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Hmm...maybe. otoh generally speaking women tend to be more likely to bond when they have sex, and less likely to have high sociosexuality, both of which would make sex work harder surely...

Many thanks.

you are correct that I am a gentleman.

not sure I said wimmins does it tooooooo…. Fantastic grammar that’s for sure.

so you disagree that women pay for sex?

Oh right, I don’t know about that sorry

yes any gender who charges for sex are a bit weird but that’s the world we live in and has been happening for decades.

maybe the minority but they still do…

How do you “bond” when you’re fucking numerous strangers? Surely you don’t think a woman’s sexuality is involved in that situation? She’s having a workout and simulating pleasure. I’d have quite liked to be a dominatrix, it would certainly be enjoyable but definitely not in a sexual way.

He didn't even pay for sex? He paid to be dominated and beat up for a bit?

Please do send us links to some of the male escort sites mate, let's see this booming industry. Which countries dedicate whole streets to selling men from shop windows for women to purchase?

But you were happy to take there money??

but when you have serviced a bloke who your friend knows it’s wrong??

double standards really… just stay the hell out of it.

but it sounds like you won’t, all the best with it 👍

It’s possible that he will deny it OP & call you a liar or troublemaker. It may ruin your friendship as a result if your friend chooses to believe him & view you as a saboteur to her relationship. I guess you could be completely transparent & just tell her your dilemma. I think it’s a really tricky one as I think any woman would want to know & would be upset if they knew you knowingly kept it from then. Regardless of what kind of sex or fetish that was being engaged in.

I can't even be bothered to argue this foul, ancient, ignorant misogyny. I suppose you're pretending to miss the irony because you think it's witty. I have to hope. The alternative is absolutely unreal but I can't rule it out.

It may seem incredibly sharp and righteous to you, so much so that you joined a forum of mostly women to share it because you were worried we might never have heard it otherwise, but it's not. It's just the same old double standards and false equivalences (you're actually trying to suggest that women buy sex at anything like the rate that men do and it's somehow equal, ffs) and those of us born female have been jabbed in the eyes with it since we were 13. A teen, that is. I believe you know one yourself. Nice. It was hateful bollocks then and it doesn't improve with age.

Yet you have replied.

to be honest I only read the first bit and it made me laugh.

got to tell you though, appreciate your reply👍

This was obviously going to be an interesting query, but I didn't expect such weird replies.

OP never suggested she or her friend would cast a moral judgement on his having used sex services, and the intensity of pot/kettle type comments does suggest those people are users/providers themselves with, perhaps, some doubts around their own morality.

The question of 'moral obligation' here refers to a duty of friendship, not some convoluted weighing of other people's sexual behaviours.

If I were the friend, I'd want to know:

• My friend knows him. Helpful info socially.
• He's paid for sex services. I've overlooked this in the past, wouldn't now. The friend deserves her own informed opinion.
• He sought domination. I'd emphatically want to know this, especially if it hadn't become evident in his relationship with me.

@Frienddilem, I think your chosen approach is perfect.

Hard to tell whether the hypocrisy here and by all those with the same view is more hilarious or more embarrassing.

Do you apply this logic to everything, or only to men vs women? For example, is buying drugs “bad” but drug dealers selling them are doing no wrong because they’re only doing it for money?

Aww sweetie, when did your wife finally leave? You're clearly still bitter, try learning from it instead of making up silly lies on the internet like a teenage incel. Good lad.

Witless misogyny is so predictable. I just can't understand why it always thinks it's clever.

10 years ago thank god.

what lies have I stated?? Please reply.

no, not bitter in the slightest. At least my ex still loves her child…. Oh that’s right, she abandoned her… bet that’s my fault too

Just passing the time, nowt on the tele 👍

just noticed who you are, you comment on most of my posts, stop stalking me!! 🤣🤣

Told you it was predictable. And so whiny.

But she didn’t just sleep with him. He purchased specific services asking to be dominated. If I were your friend @Frienddilem I’d be upset but grateful to know.

What was predictable???

and do you want to answer my question?

You wish, obviously. Please do keep talking. On the off chance there's anyone here who gave any credit to your nasty sexist post, this is doing a great job of contextualising it.

So you refuse to answer my question yet I reply to yours.

another question, why is my post nasty and sexist?

it’s ok, I will wait

Then men should not use women as commodities - account where its due. If you look at womens bodies as not being commodities, and that sex cannot be fully consensual if its paying one person's bills then you very clearly have a victim and an oppressor scenario. And what you are doing here is blaming the victim and making a woman accountable for men's harm. And that IS misogynistic.

Op created opportunities for herself that you are minimising as if it was just for a holiday because that suits YOUR narrative around sex work. She also created qualifications and sustainable employment for herself that meant she didn't have to do sex work long term. Op did not "hold women back" the men who chose to use and abuse womens bodies and who don't care about consent and who created this market and who drive that market are to blame.