To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Man women would feel the same as you, but not everyone. He hasn't done anything illegal or violent. And OP herself obviously feels okay about the sex industry, having worked in it.

I wouldn’t- purely based on the messenger usually gets shot! I told my friend that her partner was cheating (I saw him out with another woman) and she kept him and dumped me.

So she didn't have a positive view of those men paying for your services, but was presumably happy about you providing those services and getting paid for doing so?

As she seems to have double standards I'd tell her.

Help your former customer dodge a bullet.

Thanks for the replies everyone, the mix of responses and opinions hopefully shows why I posted in the first place as it’s massively conflicting.

I am going to tell my friend, but in the way suggested on a previous page e.g he looks familiar. My friend isn’t stupid, and will be able to put 2 and 2 together and make her mind up from there.

I don't think escorts or workers in that industry are bound by the same code of ethics as medical professionals. You wouldn't be doing anything immoral by telling her. You're a close friend, you know for certain it's true and you'll be supportive if she needs it. It's not like you're a stranger with no proof and bugger all to do with them.

I agree men who do so are low but they also tend to be across professions etc, there's no single client type.

Like many women (I suspect), she said she’d have happily done it herself if she had the confidence.

You did the right thing in telling her. Your friend was an idiot for how she reacted.

What a gentleman you are. And so knowledgeable about the clear trends in sex work. "Wimmins does it tooooooo!"

Tbh think I’d say “hi Jen- this is awkward but I thought I recognised John from your photos but wasn’t sure. I have now remembered that he was actually a client of mine a few years back. Nice guy, I have no issue with him at all but I wanted you to know this in case we meet up and he recognises me.”

Yes, I’ve seen teachers, doctors, footballers. Heck, probably a Mumsnetter’s husband or two!

Under YouTube videos about marital sex issues, there's often jokes by men about marriage being like paying for sex.

Your comment seemed to be referring to that idea too, no?

What do you think of men who get paid for sex? Are they immoral sexually too?

And women who pay for sex are definitely a minority.

It doesn't have to be illegal to be wrong.
He's a pervert in my view.

I think her friend deserves better than a perv with no respect for women.

Selling sex and buying it are two completely different things.

The woman does it for money.
The man does not.

Thanks, my message will be along these lines.

Im not going to make a big deal of it and ask to call her etc.

Wow I can’t believe you will tell her, did you tell the men who paid you if you ever came across their partners you’d tell them? I assume not.

Surely yes.

Can I ask you a question. If you basically couldn't really tell if a client is married (as I expect) aren't you enabling cheating potentially at least sometimes? How do you feel about that?

Why don't you think she owes her friend loyalty over some random guy?

Many women? No, I don't think most women would happily sell sex 'if we had the confidence'...

Married men (and women) are responsible for their own commitments.

If he wants to, it gives other women a good opportunity to back away from such an unpleasant man.

She owes these "men" nothing.

Why would you think she does?

I didn’t really think about it. But yes, of course many were cheating. That’s on them though - and if they didn’t see me, they’d just see someone else.

There are affairs in workplaces up and down the county which take up emotional headspace as well as the physical side. I think the other person (not always woman) may feel conflicted in that situation, but not in mine.

I didn’t say ‘most’.

I think you’d be surprised, personally.

What are the “obvious reasons” that you have name changed?

I feel like morally, you owe it to us to post your real name and photo on here when explaining you were a prostitute?