To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

I think you should tell her, then she can make an informed decision about whether she wants to stay with him or not. If I were her I would rather know as I wouldn't want to date a man who paid for sex. You don't owe him anything. I'd ignore the weird responses, there are a lot of sad little men on here who have their own agendas.

I know… couldn’t be bothered with more 🤣

& an episode of SATC where Anthony rumbled Marcus's past & told everyone & then it inevitably got back to Stanford

I'd leave it to be honest, your past is your past so surely his is too?

If I was your friend, I'd want you to tell me, and I'd be hurt if you didn't and I later found out.

It never ceases to amaze me though, how many women will cover for some random guy, than show loyalty to their so-called friend.

Yes I’d tell her definitely. If you’ve slept with or practiced bdsm with her boyfriend surely she’d want to know? Everyone had a past but I think your friend deserves transparency here. If he wasn’t a client and just someone you’d chosen to be intimate with would you tell her without hesitation? I sort of thing the ex-client bit is a red herring.

Happily? You don't think that many are coerced or trafficked or get into it through desperate circs? The happy hooker is mostly a mirage.

Fair enough!

I mean, I also wouldn’t be working if my employer wasn’t paying me.

This is a bit harsh imo but I agree partly.

So you agree with women prostituting their body then??

or just the men that are pricks?

Why would you work as an escort if you don't consent? If the client asks for something the escort isn't willing to do, they should not consent but it doesn't sound like that happened here. Is it a commonly accepted viewpoint that no escort or prostitute is not consenting? How on earth would that work?

If someone financially stable without trauma history sells sex (which is DEFINITELY a minority but does exist) is their consent definitely being overriden though? The few happy hookers tend to pick their clients & not rely on it as a main source of income.

Imo it's really hard, if not impossible, for someone who relies on it for income to do the same.

Sounds like you've had to pay for sex.

You're advising her to stay quiet out of self-interest.

She is concerned about her friend.
I would be too.

How many women would stay with a new boyfriend if they knew he had paid for sex? I would not have anything to do with him.
He may have paid for sex before and since with other women.
Her friend could be at risk of a serious STD.

My advice is to tell her friend so that she does not invest more in this lowlife than she already has.

Bollocks to this ridiculous idea that prostitutes should keep confidentiality for men who think paying for access to a woman's body is acceptable.

I think it's perfectly morally consistent for a woman to take their money (a very high risk situation for the women) yet let other people know who these men are.

I don't blame the women involved, I blame the men who don't regard all women as worthy of respect.

Most women don't want to sell sex, they do so due to coercion, financial needs or trauma, sometimes more than one.

A few are different, as you say...

If you mean marriage then yes…

if you mean a prozzy then no sorry to disappoint you

Tell her In a neutral way, so if she's fine with it it's no problem. Dont not tell her though, it will come out eventually or you will spend thr rest of your life actively keeping a secret from her

Why should women take their money though? How is that morally consistent? Imo selling sex devalues intimacy, sexuality, & a lot of other things.

I agree the men are the ones paying, and worse, but if women disapprove but still sell sex even with no need to do so, that's hypocritical & unhelpful.

Most women don't freely choose, so that's different.

Yes, that’s how those clients (who were in relationships) often justified it, as although wrong they didn’t feel it was wrong on the biggest scale, as no intimacy towards me.

on that reasoning it’s ok to tell everyone that such and such is a hooker?

why is it morally correct for the female? Please explain

You see marriage as paying for sex ? 🙄🤣

Far too many men like you, judging by YouTube comment sections...

Charming attitude...

I agree that it's not correct for a woman (not 'female') to sell sex either.

I don’t know exacts, some obviously were, I know many who weren’t. Towards the end when I changed services I’d say more were in relationships as they weren’t comfortable/able to indulge fetishes at home.

Somehow I think your wife paid a bigger price.