To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Oh come on, it's way, way better paid than student jobs!

Yes, she can. The people who buy and the people who sell are totally different animals.

How could you NOT tell her? Imagine if you met up and he was there!

Exactly.

This is perfect.

Weird responses. I don't judge sex workers, but I absolutely judge the men who use them.

I would absolutely tell her OP.

It seems like a lot of the comments are very judgemental of you and seem to think you can't have any ethical standards because of the work you have done. Rubbish! I think you should definitely tell her. You don't want to ruin her happiness but that will probably happen at some point anyway. These things have a way of coming out or he might still be engaging in similar activities which will certainly ruin her happiness when she finds out.

Quite!

Lots of the cool wives out today, breezily not bothered if their husbands paid for sexual services.

Tell away OP, your friend has evey right to know her partner thinks womens bodies are commodities

It would depend entirely on how close a friend she is. If it were one of my closest friends then yes I would tell her. Be prepared that she may not take it well and it could affect your friendship though.

So it’s ok for you to be paid by men for sex, but not ok for men to pay you for sex. Talk about double standards!

Don't tell her. She may already know anyway.

Everyone has a past and most have something they wish hadn't happened but in his case, nobody has died. You of all people should know that!

When you meet him (if their relationship lasts), behave as though you don't know him.

So, other women on here talk about how many men they've seen and their sexual exploits and no one bats an eyelid. They talk about how awful men are all the time. You see a man when you're working as an escort and you have to warn your friend about HIM?

Sorry, but that says a lot about you, as well.

Lmao did you actually think escorts were just "company"? It's a euphemism for prostitution, not a different thing.

OP no judgement at all about sex work but it's not your place to tell.

So if you wouldn’t care less, why are you keen to tell her? You need to check your motive here.

You do realise that wouldn’t result in me being sacked on the spot, don’t you?

Probably not an interest as it’s a male thing, it’s more mainstream now though so she may indulge it, who knows!

Of course you should tell her, she’s your friend. You don’t owe these Johns secrecy.

Why should you lie for him? These guys shouldn’t be hiding it in the first place, if they don’t want it to be known they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

I can't believe people are saying here don't say anything! It's usually any man that uses a prostitute is the lowest of the low and should be known about 🤷‍♀️

It's not the same thing at all. There's nothing morally/legally wrong with seeing a Doctor or Therapist, and it's (rightly) none of my business.

But, I have contempt for anyone who would 'pay' for sex. Consent must be enthusiastically and freely given. If money is needed then it's unwanted sex, which is physical assault. And it's always wrong.

I'd tell her. Because I'd genuinely want to know if I were her. I wouldn't be angry with the messenger, and would quietly end things with the (ex or current) 'punter'. No explanations, just this isn't working out for me anymore. Done.

option extra, he asks the op to keep it quiet ?

Wow, some of the judgment and comments are ridiculous.

If someone wants to ne a sex worker, that is their choice. Those of you outraged about it, don't have to do the same!!

While a level of confidentality is usually required for both service business, that usually due to industrt governemce etc. Good luck to anyone seeking a GDPR prosecution against a sex worker!

So your confidentiality is a choice.

If you say nothing and your friend finds out or he tells her, you lose a friendship.

If you say nothing and she never finds out, your friendship becomes awkward anyway because it will always be hanging there in the silence. Awkward when you met him, awkward if you avoid him. If she marries him in time, will she ask you to be bridesmaid or even a guest?

Your only chance of keeping the friendship is tell her now?

All you have say is "I thought he reminded me of someone but the more I think of about it, it might have been through my previous work so I wanted to tell you now."

or it could of been given for free but then the person said ill do x for $ ? and decided to make money from the opportunity after all as the saying goes if some is willing to pay then why give it for free

What is the difference between an escort and a prostitute?

I think I'd only tell her if he was in any way abusive or aggressive towards you when he used your services.

Hmm I think I'd tell her. Especially as what if he does, and she then wonders why you didn't.

If she doesn't think highly of men that pay for sex/sexual services then it feels like something she needs to know.

Lot of creepy judgey issues being aired. Lots of you need to take a cool shower and some deep breaths.

Correct answer is a few posts back “You know now I think about it, that photo of Gerald looks a lot like a chap called Gerald I saw as a client. If it’s the same chap he was very cordial, never left the seat up, brought his own nipple clamps etc, but it would be awkward when we meet if I’d not said anything”.