To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

I'd want to know. I wouldn't want to date someone who had ever paid for sex. It's a hard and fast line for me. I do understand the client confidentiality argument here though.

There isn't one. Hooker, call girl, prossie, prostitute, escort = sexual services for money

They are probably men and the usual handmaidens.

All frothing at the mouth because the poor dear who pays women for sex might get outed. As if being a punter is ok 😂

By the way people nobody but nobody knows anything about OP's life or what lead her to do this for a living so fuck off judging her. You don't know why she ended up doing escort work for a living.

If it was your husband or partner wouldn't you want to know?

Would you be ok with your DH being a punter?

Doubt it.

Or maybe have a read of punter net and see the comments from the sorts of men you're defending.

I'd definitely want to know. I friend of mine discovered her now ex was using prossies. He swore blind it was just the once. She believed him but found out he'd started using them again. I think once a guy discovers how easy it is to pay for sex, he will continue to do it.

Why would you jump straight to that? She’s shagged her mate’s boyfriend!!!!

An escort is primarily hired to provide companionship and social accompaniment, such as attending events, in exchange for money, while a prostitute is specifically hired for sexual acts. While escorts may engage in sexual activity, legally, the distinction lies in the nature of the service, with escorts often operating in a gray area.

An escort is primarily hired to provide companionship and social accompaniment, such as attending events, in exchange for money, while a prostitute is specifically hired for sexual acts. While escorts may engage in sexual activity, legally, the distinction lies in the nature of the service, with escorts often operating in a gray area.

How? One is providing a service which the other wants. When we go shopping, is the shopper exploiting the shop or vice versa? When I pay my garage to service my car or I go for a haircut, I don't think either of us can claim the moral high ground.

So when my friend discovered her ex using sex workers on Adult work...every single one of the providers described themselves as escorts..and then listed the sexual services they provided..mmmm
.most definitely not companionship

Not an easy decision I think. If it was when in a relationship even with someone else, I'd be inclined to say something. If he was single, I am not so sure.

Anyone who suggested payment would be an immediate, definite, 'this is NOT for me' and I'd rush for the nearest exit.

How would such a conversation start? Asking for money means they're not really attracted to you, and want to be compensated accordingly. Why would anyone want sex with someone who doesn't desire them in return?

I'd be mortified.

thats down to the individual mislabelling there services

Haven’t rtft but I think the escort thing is neither here nor there. I’d want my friends to tell me if they’ve been involved with someone I was seeing!

😄

i was thinking more along the lines of you like the guy and then you hear he likes you and is $$ so rather than give him free sex instead what if you suggested something along the lines of eg i hear you want me but you could not afford me type of conversation and then if it goes along the lines of how much extra then its a win for the purse. and free drinks or meal etc (yes thats cold and along the lines of gold digging, but hey bills dont pay themselves.

I can't believe so many people seem to be voting that you should keep this secret from a friend! If a friend knew anything like this about an ex I would be mortified if they didn't tell me! Imagine them knowing this about him and having it as a secret between the two of them? Much worse than realising this guy buys sex and being able to get rid if it isn't morally OK with her.

@Frienddilem Do you mean escort, or prostitute ? Totally different work.

I worked as an escort many years ago, but fucking a client was not allowed.

I know right?? IMO the fact that OP was an escort is completely irrelevant. Her friend’s new BF is willing to pay for sex. Thats the bottom line and if the friend find out that OP knew and didn’t tell her she’d be totally justified in being furious.

I think she should know that the me she is seeing has has an intimate relationship with her friend. You should close enough for her to need to know.
What happens if you’re invited to meet him? Will you continue to pretend?

Just nooooo - zip it!

Keep well out of it.

LOL we've found the only person who was actually 'just' escorting.

Nowadays an escort is a prostitute (and always has been imo).

That's a bad comparison. When you buy those services, you're not bypassing sexual consent, are you?

OP wasn’t coerced into sex work, I’m struggling to understand how this blanket statement applies to her, really.

I would too, but I think that paying to bypass consent is also something I would like to know about a former partner. Both issues are extremely relevant to the person who's dating this man.