To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

My dog was super anxious being left alone and we got a crate for her when she was 3 (didn’t need one before as was on mat leave so could keep her with me most of the time unless at baby groups). We put in a small quilt, a cushion and some toys for her and now she happily goes in it when we go out, could something like this be an option to calm the dog? It’s also a safe space for the dog to go if the children are playing loudly.

Nobody wants your dog with issues. Better they are not more damaged by the rehoming IMO

I can’t believe you’d consider putting him down because of this. He clearly just isn’t suited to a busy household. Behaviourist to give him a fighting chance and then rehome if still necessary (through a rescue charity, not privately).

I did contact the usual charities about my dog that had become aggressive, it was purely to ask for advice. Each one made it clear to me that rehoming a dog that had displayed aggression was really not an option. Maybe I just got the short straw with the people I spoke to, but none really offered any hope of rehoming. One charity did talk things through with me, and helped me come to the decision to PTS. So, even charities agree that it's often the only option.

They do exist though. My mum took on a Staffie that no one else would. She turned that dog’s life around. Admittedly, she is a bit of a dog whisperer though!

I honestly cannot believe how many people on this thread are saying this dog should be PTS. He’s not aggressive – he hasn’t snapped – he’s just anxious and overstimulated. Yes, he’s growled – but growling is NOT aggression, growling is a dog communicating that they don’t like something. You WANT a dog to growl sometimes. That’s how you know they go through the appropriate levels of arousal rather than snapping out of nowhere.

If OP doesn’t feel she can keep him, that’s completely her business. But with medication, a quieter home and appropriate training, this dog could easily live a long and happy life.

I had a dog like this and the dog ended up biting me late last year while anxious . I had taken her to the vet to be pts and the vet managed to rehome her to a behaviourist. Doggy spent a few weeks highly medicated and working with the behaviourist and has now found a home in the country side with a retired lady, where doggy is much happier. It broke my heart to do it but once she bit I could no longer have her in my home. Some homes just arent suited to some dogs.

I bred a litter from my bitch who had the most amazing temperament.

i kept a female puppy from the litter and as soon as she got to be about 3 months old she became the most anxious and reactive dog. I was in shock as I’d bred her, she lived with 3 older dogs (all with fantastic temperaments). She lived in a loving, calm family home etc.

what I’m saying is that some dogs are genuinely just wired this way and it really isn’t the fault of the owner. It can be very difficult to get a handle on.

She was super anxious on walks, terrified of other dogs and would snap at them. Very fearful of new people coming into the home. But, thankfully she never showed any signs of aggression and I never thought she would attack anybody (she never has) she was just scared of everything!

anyway it took about 3 years but she did come out the other side eventually with a lot of training, accepting that she would never be able to be walked in public spaces where other dogs could run up to her etc. Very slow and calm introductions to people coming into the home and with time and lots of positive experiences her confidence grew and grew.

Now 10 years on, she still wouldn’t tolerate an unknown dog coming up to her (so I never put her in that situation). She is happy and accepting of anyone that we invite into our house. This is family, friends or complete strangers (workmen etc). Crucially she has always been fantastic with children and has always adored them for some reason so mercifully I never had to worry about that.

It’s a long and difficult road. Sometimes it works out and other times despite best efforts, it doesn’t. It sounds like you have tried so hard but to no avail. Personally I don’t think a dog should be drugged up to the eyeballs just to be able to exist but that’s just my opinion.

If you do decide to PTS it will be gut wrenching for you. But you cannot live another 10 years like this and it’s not fair on the dog either to live in this constant state of fear.

rehoming ‘might’ be a possibility but I would want to vet the people very carefully with full agreement that if it doesn’t work out the dog is to come back to you and then you can be the one to decide to PTS. Not sure if this is possible but it would be a deal breaker for me.

This aligns with what the vets says

as well as the medication.

Yes they do exist - you’d be surprised

and hopefully if OP is rehoming I know there is teh right help at doodle trust

Read the posts - she’s had 5 trainer/behaviourists

soemtimes this is the situation

this

Neither of you seem to have read OPs posts

How much is the dog left alone?
Is he alone when you go out to work?

OP asked a question on Mumsnet, a forum where we discuss and share opinions. Whilst I feel for OP, my opinion is there is no cause to euthanise a dog who is not in physical pain, and who has not bitten anyone. He may be incredibly hard work, but my opinion is that he doesn't deserve to die for it, and I'd personally explore every other avenue before even considering that.

You seem very keen to jump down anyone's throat who has an opinion that isn't the same as yours.

Sorry just catching up on the messages. I only work 3 days a week, those days he's left a max of three hours, my mum comes over to let them out and make sure all OK if not just take them up to hers. But he's scratching at her doors etc and it's not fair, she has a golden retriever who doesn't behave like it so I can't have my fog ruining her house. The thing is the behaviour we are do struggling with isn't even that anymore, it's that we can't have visitors or anything because of him, the barking is just as awful say when people are at home and the other comes in.

Because you are suggesting things that I have already tried over and over, I didn't just decide dog ownership wasn't got me! And I have said he went to snap at a child but luckily I was there and the baby gate stopped him, so whilst he didn't make contact how can I trust him? And I need to declare this to any dog rehoming to take into consideration. I'm waiting for advice from the foifle trust.

I still think OP didn’t research the breed properly first. I just googled and the first things that come up are anxious, separation anxiety. So if OP had seen that it’s not like she didn’t know. Or else she wanted a cute pretty breed. My ex boss had a King Charles spaniel that I walked sometimes. It seemed ok!

Cool. How is this helpful now?

I'm not suggesting anything over and over. Your OP said you used a trainer, I suggested a behaviourist because you didn't mention that until way later down the tread. You haven't neutered when he was a pup like you should have, it's too late now, fine. You haven't pushed to try meds despite many saying it they've helped their dogs significantly. Getting another dog was also a very questionable move, not sure why any professional would suggest that as you're just throwing another complete unknown into the mix.

You have kids, if they're older teach them proper dog safety, keep their friends away from the dog. If they're very young then perhaps you shouldn't have got a dog because this is the risk you run, animals are unpredictable.

Whatever you do, I hope you're comfortable with whatever decision you make. But if you ask AIBU, accept that some people are probably gonna think that you are.

I appreciate any advice,, but I think you are misunderstanding just how much we have tried, which I have tried to be transparent about. And in hindsight absolutely things could have been different, but with neutering and medication I am following the advice from 2 vets (admittedly form the same surgery) so I hardly think I am in a position to completely disregard their advice without any real justification for doing so. We would never have children near dogs unsupervised, regardless if he was the most docile animal because you can't always trust the child rather than the dog, but we can't even have them in the house! And as far as having young children, mine are fabulous with him as he is with them, and I'm hardly the first person to have a dog with a family. And yes we did research the breed, as we did many others and felt he would be a good fit, and if it was just the seperation anxiety it might be different, I'd absolutely ensure measures were put in place, in fact my mother life's nearby and we even consulted her before getting him to make sure she would be willing to help out if needed (which she always has).

Are you rehoming? To someone that is home all day?

I'm waiting to speak to someone from the spaniel trust, still waiting for the doodle trust but I know how busy they are. I'm hoping they will have some information on how likely it would be to rehome him, obviously PTS would be an absolute last resort but at least i will have a clearer idea of our options. Things were very fraught last night so I'll speak to my husband properly tonight. As it's just been me and my son indoors all day of course the dog has been an angel, and it's hard to imagine not having him. But we have been going over and over this cycle for 4 years now, a build up of tension, a massive blow up then it settles again but nothing changes.

Yes because I’ve been there!

you have no idea and posts like yours are not understanding - and for you have clearly not read The thread - or supportive for OP going through something very difficult not just a problem dog

ive seen OP has said the same - you are misunderstanding so ther you go

I'll just say this @Celtic1hair ,when my dog was good he really was lovely. The problem was that he started to have more bad days than good, more aggressive behaviour and I came to the realization that he just couldn't be trusted. Whatever you do has to be right for the family. Only you know when you have reached the tipping point.