Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider rehoming dog

370 replies

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 18:28

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 17/02/2026 21:44

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 21:34

Can I just say a massive thank you to all of you who have taken time to comment, it is so appreciated. I was fully expecting to be absolutely flamed, and believe me I feel like such a failure I would have accepted it. You have all given me so much advice, and I have contacted the doodle trust and will await their reply. I will go back to the vets, but this has caused so much pressure in my marriage (unbelieveable I know, it seems so trivial but unless you are living in it being at loggerheads constantly) that unless the vet can suggest something which will produce effects fairly quickly, this is not a situation that can continue. I cannot keep seeking advice from canine behaviouralists, they seem so inconsistant that I cant keep going endlessly. I think we need to put a shortish time frame to see some improvement with constant input and make a very difficult decision. As much as I love him, and was always willing to make sacrifices for a family dog I cannot continue having my life made into a prison because of it.

Absolutely agree your family life, relationship and wellbeing must be a priority. You've been very responsible and tried to help him hut he sounds a stressed dog living a miserable existence so if you have to pts it'll probably be the best thing for everyone.
Hard decision though Flowers.

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 21:45

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 21:40

Sounds very sensible OP - well done you

I get the marriage bit completely - because your arguing over something that can’t be reasoned with so your kind of arguing about something you can’t talk to or work through separately - I don’t really know how to say but I get it - your going along fine then whoop the dogs off and you shout at each other

best of luck

do let us know what doodle trust say

Exactly this! and then I cant say anything about the dog because its almost feeding into it instead of placating him, but then he sees it that I care more about him than the dogs (which to be fair some days is true!) And its at a stage now that i suspect neither of us is being reasonable or considerate to each others feelings, because in some ways we both feel that we are right! And because its our daily lived experience we have no break from it to gain any perspective. Thank you x

OP posts:
Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 21:48

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 21:45

Exactly this! and then I cant say anything about the dog because its almost feeding into it instead of placating him, but then he sees it that I care more about him than the dogs (which to be fair some days is true!) And its at a stage now that i suspect neither of us is being reasonable or considerate to each others feelings, because in some ways we both feel that we are right! And because its our daily lived experience we have no break from it to gain any perspective. Thank you x

Really sending you so much love 🥰

keep going brave women - this is for the dogs welfare - you wouldn’t be doing the right thing if you carry on as you are - you will sigh some relief hopefully soon 🥰

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 17/02/2026 21:52

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 21:01

I love my dog and will try anything, but honestly I have tried behaviourists and I am not financially able to continue to spend money for it not to work again, after months more stress for it to fail which has been the case over 4 years. I have changed them in the desperate hope the next one could have the magic answer but I have to draw the line somewhere. It was one of these behaviourists who recommended a second dog...and whilst I adore him and in some ways he has less seperation anxiety (doesnt act as if he is having a heart attack if i nip to the car for 2 seconds), on reflection the added stress of puppy training and dealing with that on top of an anxious dog has probably magnified the whole situation 100 fold, to the point my husband would rehome both at this stage.

Start the process of rehoming the two dogs - separately.
Your DH does not want a dog and the dog will sense that which contributes to its anxiety.

I am sure there is a suitable person out there who would take on the cavapoo on its own. That would appear to be the best option for the dog to have a chance to stay alive. It needs a quiet environment with someone who has a lot of time for a lapdog which is what this dog is bred to be. Your home is too busy and stressful for this dog.

WaitingForMojo · 17/02/2026 21:52

I have a dog who’s had severe behavioural issues since she was a tiny puppy. She was farm bred, poorly bred and genetically just flawed. She has aggression issues, and anxiety.
I came very close to PTS, I had the appointment made and couldn’t go through with it. I also explored rehoming, residential rehab etc. She is on fluoxetine and trazodone. Which make quite the difference. She has improved enormously but is still a tricky dog. She can’t be unsupervised with the dc or other dogs. We had her separated from the others completely for months. Worked with a behavioural specialist. She has improved, but I completely get the strain on your marriage. There is so much judgement in the dog community too. And everyone thought I was an idiot for having and keeping this dog. I adore her. She is my soul dog, and she does have quality of life within her limits. But she is high maintenance. I wouldn’t judge anyone for PTS a dog who is essentially mentally ill and suffering.

Tink3rbell30 · 17/02/2026 21:53

Rehoming him will make him 10 times more anxious.

Lightuptheroom · 17/02/2026 21:53

Contact Spaniel Aid. They don't place in kennels , they use foster homes. We have 4 spaniel aid dogs, each one has their own quirks and Spaniel Aid assess each dog carefully and find the right home for the dog. One of ours can't cope with small children, he thrives here as we don't have children around. They get dogs all the time with seperation anxiety, other behaviours, we even fostered a sprocker who had bitten, he's now in a home with an older couple and is thriving. It sounds like your environment is also causing stress, it happens.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 21:56

Tink3rbell30 · 17/02/2026 21:53

Rehoming him will make him 10 times more anxious.

Not true if done with him in mind

Tink3rbell30 · 17/02/2026 22:03

Rhubarbandcustardd · 17/02/2026 21:56

Not true if done with him in mind

Maybe a quieter home with a retired person/couple actually.. something like that.

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 17/02/2026 22:07

Tink3rbell30 · 17/02/2026 21:53

Rehoming him will make him 10 times more anxious.

Not true if it is done correctly.
I've only ever had rescue dogs and cats myself and some have taken a year to settle down.

The person taking on this dog needs to be someone with the time, the patience and the will to put it at ease.

You only put an animal down as a last resort.

OPs household is far too noisy and stressful for this dog.
It could settle in a different environment and deserves a chance to do that.

A quiet household with no other animals and no children would be best and I think the dog deserves that at least.

Sweetnessandbite · 17/02/2026 22:13

I hope the posters commenting that have taken in such dogs is helping you OP. There are great fosters and adopters out there willing to take on such dogs.

WaitingForMojo · 17/02/2026 22:14

The trouble is, there are many dogs with behavioural issues needing rehoming. Rescues are full to bursting, there are just not enough decent homes to go round. Dogs with extra needs will require someone committed and equipped, and experienced. These homes are few and far between.

MauriceTheMussel · 17/02/2026 22:16

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 17/02/2026 21:29

Or less hormones that make him territorial and aggressive?

They’re aggressive because they’re scared, and he’ll be even more scared if you remove what little testosterone he currently has.

Neutering will fix humping and pee marking. The latter being the territorial behaviour. OP’s dog is being territorial in a different way - because he’s threatened by any outsider.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/02/2026 22:19

The more you talk about this dog the more I think rehoming him would be better. I don’t think you’ll try more meds.

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 17/02/2026 22:19

WaitingForMojo · 17/02/2026 22:14

The trouble is, there are many dogs with behavioural issues needing rehoming. Rescues are full to bursting, there are just not enough decent homes to go round. Dogs with extra needs will require someone committed and equipped, and experienced. These homes are few and far between.

It's a pretty dog - that's goes a long way in finding a new home.
OP needs to contact several dog homes to find the right person for the dog.
It is not suited to children as it is too easily excited and scared.
An older person living alone looking for company is the best bet.

Yeswoman · 17/02/2026 22:23

Yes, rehome to someone who is able to meet the dogs needs. It's too consuming for your family, you will look back and regret the years you spent consumed by the dog.

RosaMundi27 · 17/02/2026 22:28

Honestly - you've done everything possible and allowed your life and your family's to be ruled and overwhelmed by a dog. That's not a good way to live. He's probably got some issue, possibly genetic, which no amount of training or medication can fix. It's probably kinder to PTS.

Conniebygaslight · 17/02/2026 22:35

Sending love OP. We have a cavapoo and she’s an absolute dream. A bit clingy but really calm. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Xx

EllaMozarella · 17/02/2026 23:00

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 17/02/2026 19:19

I definitely would not put this dog to sleep.
What kind of a lesson would that be for your children?

Cavapoos are naturally anxious because they are bred to be companion dogs and need a lot of attention as a result - it sounds like he needs more 1 on1 time with you and others in the home to feel safe. If he's not getting his daily dose of pets, his anxiety level will go up.

It could also be that the second dog made things worse instead of better.
I'd rehome as a last resort but with someone who is retired or who works from home so he has lots of 1 on 1 time with a human companion - that's what will help the most.

Edited

This.
I’m shocked and appalled that so many people are saying to put this dog to sleep.
I have had two dogs in my life. Both pre-loved with ‘issues’ - both owners made the brave & heartbreaking decision to rehome their dogs.
I had one of them for 13 years & once I brought in a dog behaviourist & consistent training & routine, everything changed (he became a therapy dog too)
Now I have another who I’ve done lots of training with. He still is very anxious & has certain triggers but he’s brilliant.
Rehome this dog. Someone will give him a happy home.

r1e2 · 18/02/2026 00:53

Please remember that PTS is never a welfare issue. The dog doesn't have any concept of a shortened life but it is a hard,hard decision for you to make and I suspect that the guilt would be very hard to live with and that the resentment you'd feel towards your husband could fester. I volunteer for a breed rescue and have to say that the rehoming situation is absolutely dire right now even for relatively uncomplicated dogs, let alone those with any issues so trying to rehome through a decent rescue will be difficult - how would you do meets with potential new homes if it was a 'home to home' facilitated by a rescue? And kennel spaces are in short supply even if you think he would settle into one. Private rehomes are fraught with danger for the dog unless it's someone you know well and even then, dogs can and do get passed on.

Could you get your husband to agree to give it 6 more months with the agreement that you will PTS if the dog hasn't improved to an agreed (reasonable, realistic) level such as be able to stay in another room without losing his mind while you have visitors, being able to be left at home for very short periods and that you will work on finding some sort of dog daycare/home boarding so you could have days out or holiday for instance. For this to work, he'd have to agree that he would be supportive - or at least silent - during this process as the dog is probably picking up on the tension between you. Dogs do know when they are not liked and an already anxious dog will find this very scary.

And just to know that you had tried absolutely everything before PTS, I would change vets, medicate with fluoxetine and possibly trazodone added for a short period just to dial the anxiety right down. Keep his world tiny to start with - no visitors or new/stressful experiences as much as possible - accepting that his world may always be small and pick one goal at a time to work with such as a puppy pen beside your chair with a lickmat/kong/chew toy where you can still touch him, he can see you and look for him settling even a tiny bit so you can praise him. Make the pen a really, really good place, never punishment and accept that it will take time, will be 1 step forward, 2 steps backwards but there can be improvement in tiny increments but you have to be patient and persistent. Then you can work on getting out of the chair, returning immediately to walking out of sight for a split second and very gradually expand on that while praising any tiny bit of calm behaviour. You are working on a safe place where the dog can relax, without you and can use that for different situations in time.

Trazodone is only for short term use but could be useful for the initial period but fluoxetine can be given long term. My own dog has been on it for 5 years and will stay on it for life.

When we are having issues with our dogs, living with the dread of 'what next' we're tense and anxious too, which they feed from and we forget to look for the tiny bits of good behaviour and praise it. It's a vicious circle but as we're meant to be the grown ups and they're only animals, sometimes we need to take a deep breath, fake until we make it and reset everything. The meds aren't that expensive, particularly if you ask for a prescription to buy online but they also aren't a magic bullet, they allow the dog to relax enough to be able to learn - nobody, human or canine can learn anything useful when they are on the edge of hysteria, it's exhausting.

If after 6 months, you still feel that your, your families and the dogs quality of life is still poor, then PTS would be a valid option, just as it is now TBH but at least you could, hand on heart say to yourself that you had tried as hard as you could.

AmplePlayer · 18/02/2026 01:02

Little cavapoo is anxious and barks when left alone, lets put him down - seriously?

Kapkuhnaka · 18/02/2026 01:05

Twasasurprise · 17/02/2026 18:41

What has your vet said? Have you/ they considered medication alongside behavioural therapy?

Yes, i was also wondering if medication could help here given the level of anxiety. Worth a try! There are some vets who are also behaviour experts so could prescribe if needed

DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 18/02/2026 01:15

EmeraldShamrock000 · 17/02/2026 19:22

You didn’t do enough research as a lot of these poodle mixes are nervous wrecks or a bit crazy, there isn’t many that are perfect.
People buy them to minimise the hair from a full breed, King Charles or Cocker spaniel.
They’re mass produced.
This dog wouldn’t cope being rehomed. I would have the dog put to sleep before giving it away.

Sadly this is correct. Huge amounts of irresponsible cross breeding goes on these days, resulting in major problems for the poor dogs.

And no, poodles are not well known for anxiety, but anxiety is a common trait in many crosses which include poodle because the resulting dog has a bad mix of incompatible traits.

Rayqueen2026 · 18/02/2026 01:38

You need a dog behaviourist not a dog trainer, 2 totally different things

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 18/02/2026 02:10

Celtic1hair · 17/02/2026 19:05

I love my dog, absolutely adore him and this is devastating to me. But I couldnt even ask someone over for coffee as it is and the children cant have playdates. Thats not fair on them. I wouldnt trust him not to snap at the doggy day care owner. If we walk him we cant let people try and pet him as I cant trust he wouldnt snap.

If you can't trust a dog not to snap, even if they've never bitten before but their demeanor just signals that they will do so eventually, then it is time to PTS.

Some dogs are just neurologically wired in a way that isn't compatible for family life.

Your children are also only children for such a short period of time. They won't get this time back for play dates.

There are much worse things than being humanely put to sleep. Your dog is going through it right now. Significant mental distress and it's unrealistic to expect you to have infinite financial and time resources to throw at these problems. You have to consider your legal liability too if he does bite someone. You can't keep your eyes on him forever.

Dogs get out of gardens all the time, or people come in. Postmen, workmen, door to door sales people, engineers and maintenance teams. Doors get left open by excited children, or latches just don't latch properly. You would fry yourself mentally trying to be vigilant to avoid all of this for the rest of this dogs life, and yes it is true that if a dog gets canine cognitive decline or doggy dementia, their aggressive behaviours can just increase, and it's not always clear cut that they're in cognitive decline.

I have had to have a dog PTS under similar circumstances, but I had to reconcile with the fact I knew my dog was dangerous under the eyes of the law and being a responsible dog owner meant making the hard call. It doesn't make it any less hard to do, and it is heartbreaking, but if my dog was in an incurable pain in any other way I'd have also PTS, so the mental distress was no different in my eyes.