To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

As I've said previously Spaniel Aid deal with this type of problem all the time. Dogs aren't put in kennels, they're in foster homes. As he's a spaniel cross they can and will assist you x

You have to view it over time in the cold light of day - your doing so well - well done you

there is a phone number for doodle trust - hope you hear back soon

I’ve read you say many times how good he is with children - same with my friends cavapoo who I was involved with - he was brilliant with their son - no issues at all - I think they just see children differently

Why is he like this? Is it just genetic? I dont understand dogs but there are so many threads about people not coping with poodle mixes due to anxiety.

I have a retired racing greyhound who did everything you describe, we resolved it with the help of a behaviourist, and whilst he’s still not great with other dogs, he is now brilliant at being left for several hours and sleeps downstairs overnight. What worked for him was obedience training and boundary setting. Walking at heel, not out in front of us, not going through doors before us, waiting a couple of seconds to eat until given a release command, greeting him quietly and calmly when we get home, no excited ‘hi hi good boy yes!’ when we walk in the door. Nothing huge, no dramatic stuff like e-collars, just small calm consistent changes. He’s a naturally anxious and high strung dog, so he needed us to ‘parent’ him to make him feel safe. This makes him subordinate in the family hierarchy so he no longer feels he has to be on alert and protect us all.

Good luck, @Celtic1hair, at one point we thought we were going to have to return our boy to the rehoming centre, but he’s a different dog now.

The problems are much more than that - I don’t know why you aren’t understanding what keeps being stated

You have no idea - a quick google search doesn’t tell you all you need to know - read the whole post

I've no idea, except I've been there too. My family dog as a teen was extremely aggressive. She wasn't relentlessly barking and growling, she was actively trying to bite members of the family for seemingly no reason. But we worked with vets and eventually a dog psychologist who figured out she had epilepsy. Drugs, and a bit of training for us as a family in noticing her triggers and managing her behaviour, and she lived a good long life with us.

Sorry if you don't like that I don't agree with you, but it doesn't mean I have no idea what I'm talking about. Different strokes for different folks, and maybe in this case rehoming is necessary if genuinely nothing else works and the family can't figure out a way to cope, but I just couldn't personally consider euthanising and am shocked by the amount of people on here that immediately jumped to that, end of.

Thank you for this, yes these are the things we worked on with the first trainer, he's actually really good with food, will wait until he's told not pulling on the lead. It's hard to explain but it's almost like he's the perfect dog until... He's not. And if I'm honest if it was just me I'd probably just carry on but I don't have the support of my husband now and to be honest it's not like I can really argue that we should just put up with when he's right and it's limiting the childrens life.

The actual OP has told you you misunderstand - your situation doesn’t sound nearly as difficult and problematic

have no problem with disagreeing 👋

That is the hardest part OP - being unpredictable and not knowing cause - you end up living on tenterhooks - unless he is safe with children coming to house frequently your not going to be able to keep him - good luck and hope your hear back from spaniel or doodles trust later with some helpful info - it sounds good that spaniel trust know about what you’re dealing with.

I've had greyhounds too - they often just need to learn being in a home as they’ve always been in kennels and not even seen stairs etc

But people aren't just jumping to euthanisation are they? They've read my posts and seen that we have literally exhausted every option, and are considering that because of his unpredictability he may not be suitable to be rehome. And whilst I'm really happy you obviously had all family members willing to make sacrifices for the dog, I cannot continue with the effect it's actually having on my home life.

This is no way to live. This is your DC's childhood - they only get one and no way would I let any animal rule our lives to extent that your dog rules yours. I would speak to breed specific trusts and see if they can find a suitable home, but otherwise I would PTS. The hoops you've already jumped through are enough IMO.

With my kids he's been a joy, to the point he's never jumped up even as a puuy and if they are "holding his lead" he honestly leaves slack on as if not to pull them. If the other issues weren't there I would be feeling ulta cocky on how lucky we are! Maybe it's that that's stopping me seeing the situation for what it really is. Thank you, you have been really understanding through this whole thread, I do appreciate it

Thank you. I needed to hear this because if I spoke to someone in real life they would be so judgemental and I need to have my mind made up before being able to back myself in making the decision.

Yes. It’s going to be really hard to rehome him. Shame but sometimes shit happens.

OP you cannot go on like this. You will ruin your marriage and your children's lives. Do what you need to do, you know that deep down and don't listen to the naysayers,

I have a phonecall arranged with them tomorrow, hopefully she will have some answers for me x

Just to add something my therapist said to me when I was in your position: it’s nobody else’s business what you do and if it’s easier to give a fake reason why you no longer have your dog or why he’s died, that’s fine.

I know, it just feels ridiculous doesn't it? And maybe I've been guilty of having my head buried in the sand to keep the peace. It's hard because sometimes I think DH is being completely unreasonable, like what's wrong with a bit of mud on the kitchen floor, I can mop it, but it's an accumulation of it all isn't it x

Thank you. I've been thinking about what you said about when your dog nearly bit someone and I can't stop going over in my head, that after the initial relief he didn't make contact with the child, it flashed through my mind that at least the issue would be out of my hands then. Obviously I felt terrible for even thinking it but maybe I hadn't realised just how stressed I have been x

I’m a trainer/behaviourist.
With everything you have tried, if you were my client, I would advise rehoming him.
Your household should be able to exist with kids coming over and normal family should not be compromised to such an extent that for him to exist safely, your children’s lives should be compromised
It may be that he could exist much more happily in a quieter family.without comings and goings. For both his sake and your kids, I believe exploring rehoming options is in everyone’s best interests

We took our dog on at 4 years old. A friend who works for a rescue charity said she would have been put down because of her reaction to other dogs. She would go for any big or small. A nightmare to take out. Nine years on she is an absolute darling. Ignores other dogs and is a gentle giant. Somehow from your description things don’t seem likely to change. Perhaps the kindest is to let the dog be put to sleep as it doesn’t sound suitable for rehoming.

Honestly, the husband is so anti-dog, I would not be surprised if he is hitting the animal to make it more nervous and anxious to force OP to get rid of it.

I would not agree to put the animal down in any time frame.
OP needs to get her skates on and start sourcing a new home for this poor animal.

Honestly you are ridiculous. He's not anti dog at all just anti the impact his behaviour is having. Noone anti dog would have managed this long and it's a crazy assumption to assume he's some secret animal abuser.