Page 12 | To consider rehoming dog

Celtic1hair · 2026-02-17T18:28:32+00:00

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 15:41

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 12:14

Could you try a new vet practice that provides medication and let him stay with your Mum whilst trialling it. Just to alleviate your concerns over him reacting to the kids wie on medication. You could try this while still searching for a rescue.

It would give the dog the best chance moving forward. Surely a local.sm post could find recommendations of such vets.

A safe space at your Mum's. An open covered crate.

I really can't grasp why you keep dismissing the medication trial.

Muddy floors are a part of dog owning.

Introducing a visitor child through a gate when the dog has made it clear it is wary of visitors is never a good idea.

A dog that is good with it's family but nervous of guests is not a dog that needs to be killed. Especially when meds haven't even been tried.

You have made you mind up to rehome, please at least work on giving the poor dog the best possible chance in that move.

Are you going to rehome the other dog too as I assume that makes muddy paw prints too?

No him staying with my mum isn't an option unfortunately. As far as the muddy paw prints, I'm not sure if I didn't communicate it clearly or you have deliberately trivialised what point I was making, but that's not the issue at all. I'm pointing out that because he can't settle enough for me to take the other dog out they are both forced into the garden instead unnecessarily. I would love to have time to mop the floors more than the three times a day I already do, but actually no I can't especially as the workload is due to his behaviour. Ou garden is literally a field, they need to be bathed most days because the level of dirt is of the chart, the dust in the kitchen because of it all means I have to clean every single surface about thee times a day. So whilst it might be "muddy paw prints" to you, it mean my dogs can come into the living room for the bulk of the day because of the mud, purely because I am unable to walk them. My point being it's effecting their quality of life.

OP posts:

Tink3rbell30 · 19/02/2026 15:44

What about the medication trial?

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 15:48

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/02/2026 12:56

I haven't read the full thread so sorry if this has been suggested, but I have a similar dog, she's a much bigger and stronger breed than a cavapoo and she's batshit

What we did was get all visitors to ignore her noise and bad behaviour and act like she didn't exist. I'd also get them to drop treats or throw them a distance away and let her find them. There'd be no fuss or eye contact or any recognition that she'd found the treats. Eventually she realised visitors weren't (too much of) a threat and came with food. She'd always be wary but she'd not display the OTT stressful fear reaction.

I also trained her to recognise that a certain noise meant she'd get a high value treat, so for example, if I knew a visitor was just about to enter the house I'd make the noise and she'd come over to get a treat and be distracted so she didnt react as strongly to the visitor, which meant less or no barking, lunging, growling etc.

We've had her 11 years and it gets easier over time if you're consistent and learn the triggers and learn how to preemp the reactions so you can learn how to manage them.

Edited

Thank you for taking the time, yes these were the initial training methods we were taught along with "the door's a bore" type things. It just did nothing, it could go on for about 40 minutes and even after he continued acting as if he was on high alert for the rest of the stay. We also tried a method where we taught him to how on a mat, he's really receptive to training until there is a visitor and it all goes out the window.

OP posts:

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 15:50

Tink3rbell30 · 19/02/2026 15:44

What about the medication trial?

Two vets have said no!! They have given me no reason to think they don't know what they are doing.

OP posts:

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 16:31

Every poster that has suggested meds have also suggested going to a different practice, one that you is recommended to you for helping other anxious dogs. You ignore the point

The muddy paws was one small point in my post but you ignored the rest.

You clearly just wanted people to back your decision and tell you that you have tried everything. Many posters have done that, the ones that are easy with PTS.

Many other posters have suggested things that you are dismissing. So if you want to be told you have tried everything and feel easy for killing your dog that is perfectly well behaved when in your home with your kids and you, you will not get it from me.

People are genuinely trying to help you, but you are so defensive I do think you should rehome both dogs and not get any others in future but I really think you should try to give the dog the best chance on the way out.

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 16:31

Every poster that has suggested meds have also suggested going to a different practice, one that you is recommended to you for helping other anxious dogs. You ignore the point

The muddy paws was one small point in my post but you ignored the rest.

You clearly just wanted people to back your decision and tell you that you have tried everything. Many posters have done that, the ones that are easy with PTS.

Many other posters have suggested things that you are dismissing. So if you want to be told you have tried everything and feel easy for killing your dog that is perfectly well behaved when in your home with your kids and you, you will not get it from me.

People are genuinely trying to help you, but you are so defensive I do think you should rehome both dogs and not get any others in future but I really think you should try to give the dog the best chance on the way out.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/02/2026 16:43

The OP has VERY clearly said that pts is an absolute last resort. Yet those with their own agenda have skilfully ignored that fact, preferring their own sensationalist but ultimately untrue version of events

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/02/2026 17:02

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 15:48

Thank you for taking the time, yes these were the initial training methods we were taught along with "the door's a bore" type things. It just did nothing, it could go on for about 40 minutes and even after he continued acting as if he was on high alert for the rest of the stay. We also tried a method where we taught him to how on a mat, he's really receptive to training until there is a visitor and it all goes out the window.

Show quote history

Well it may take 40 minutes but it might take less time each time it's practised. Eventually less reaction time and less high alert time. Part of the "trick" is to ignore the fearful behaviour. If you're anxious and fussing he'll fear that there is something to worry about, and if you get angry and shouting he'll lose trust and, again, feel that there actually is something to fear.

Also, can you pop your dog on a lead, let the visitor in (get a stooge visitor), totally ignore the dog as he kicks off, greet the visitor and then go straight out for a short walk together. You could maybe get the visitor to hold the lead whilst you walk a couple of steps ahead or whilst you pop in a shop for literally 30 seconds or so. Then go back to yours and he is less likely to react again as the visitor is already there.

It seems unnatural but it really is all about ignoring the unwanted behaviour and praising the good - however small and insignificant it seems. I once rewarded my dog for a tiny growl because it was such an achievement from what would previously have been a bark. People thought I was mad but it was a positive improvement.

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 17:51

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/02/2026 17:02

Well it may take 40 minutes but it might take less time each time it's practised. Eventually less reaction time and less high alert time. Part of the "trick" is to ignore the fearful behaviour. If you're anxious and fussing he'll fear that there is something to worry about, and if you get angry and shouting he'll lose trust and, again, feel that there actually is something to fear.

Also, can you pop your dog on a lead, let the visitor in (get a stooge visitor), totally ignore the dog as he kicks off, greet the visitor and then go straight out for a short walk together. You could maybe get the visitor to hold the lead whilst you walk a couple of steps ahead or whilst you pop in a shop for literally 30 seconds or so. Then go back to yours and he is less likely to react again as the visitor is already there.

It seems unnatural but it really is all about ignoring the unwanted behaviour and praising the good - however small and insignificant it seems. I once rewarded my dog for a tiny growl because it was such an achievement from what would previously have been a bark. People thought I was mad but it was a positive improvement.

Show quote history

Sorry I was unclear.... Yes we did it for 6 months with no improvement at all which is why we switched to a different trainer. I couldn't get someone else to hold him on a lead, even the final trainer we went to a few months ago said he had never seen a dog react like he did, and I don't really know anyone other than my parents who he is fine with that I could ask to risk being bitten. Again I absolutely know there is not a mean bone I his body but he's scared and once he reaches the threshold there is nothing I can do to calm him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 18:07

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 16:31

Every poster that has suggested meds have also suggested going to a different practice, one that you is recommended to you for helping other anxious dogs. You ignore the point

The muddy paws was one small point in my post but you ignored the rest.

You clearly just wanted people to back your decision and tell you that you have tried everything. Many posters have done that, the ones that are easy with PTS.

Many other posters have suggested things that you are dismissing. So if you want to be told you have tried everything and feel easy for killing your dog that is perfectly well behaved when in your home with your kids and you, you will not get it from me.

People are genuinely trying to help you, but you are so defensive I do think you should rehome both dogs and not get any others in future but I really think you should try to give the dog the best chance on the way out.

I'm not being defensive at all and I'm sorry it comes off that way to you. When two vets have told me that the medication could potentially make him more likely to bite that is not a risk I am willing to take with my children, regardless of how large or small it is, or if it could be the cure and we could all live happily ever after. If another fer said it would be OK, how could i as a responsible parent ever take that gamble? As much as I love the dog the childrens safety will always come first and I won't gamble with that for any reason. And whilst the dog is happy in our home, the entire reason for this post was to ask people for advice and some perspective with regards to the position we are now in because of his behaviour when even the tiniest change to the environment happens. People have been so supportive and understanding, and to use emotive language about "killing" as if I've tried nothing, and don't want to put in any real hard work is unfair. I can assure you this dog has consumed my life since the day we have had him, to the point at one stage I genuinely thought it was going to cost me my marriage because of the constant stress, and at one point I probably would have chosen the dog. But despite everything we have still carried on and it's now affecting the children and that's not OK. I'm happy for you that you would do things differently, believe me this is not a situation I would have wished for and I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life but that's the situation I find myself in, and all of the other posters have helped me so much gaining perspective I actually feel like a weight has been lifted even if I'm heartbroken.

OP posts:

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/02/2026 18:40

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 17:51

Sorry I was unclear.... Yes we did it for 6 months with no improvement at all which is why we switched to a different trainer. I couldn't get someone else to hold him on a lead, even the final trainer we went to a few months ago said he had never seen a dog react like he did, and I don't really know anyone other than my parents who he is fine with that I could ask to risk being bitten. Again I absolutely know there is not a mean bone I his body but he's scared and once he reaches the threshold there is nothing I can do to calm him.

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How do your parents interact with him? That would give an indication as to why he's fine with them and not others.

It sounds (and I honestly don't mean to be harsh) that you're making many excuses why you can't try things.

Are you anxious yourself by any chance?

ForFunGoose · 19/02/2026 18:40

Good luck with the rehoming OP

Anyone suggesting other options need to realise the OP is at her capacity with and this dog needs more. Give the OP a break, if ye read the full thread you would know they have done more than most.

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 18:42

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/02/2026 16:43

The OP has VERY clearly said that pts is an absolute last resort. Yet those with their own agenda have skilfully ignored that fact, preferring their own sensationalist but ultimately untrue version of events

Absolutely - it’s like they are reading an entirely different post..

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 18:46

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 18:07

I'm not being defensive at all and I'm sorry it comes off that way to you. When two vets have told me that the medication could potentially make him more likely to bite that is not a risk I am willing to take with my children, regardless of how large or small it is, or if it could be the cure and we could all live happily ever after. If another fer said it would be OK, how could i as a responsible parent ever take that gamble? As much as I love the dog the childrens safety will always come first and I won't gamble with that for any reason. And whilst the dog is happy in our home, the entire reason for this post was to ask people for advice and some perspective with regards to the position we are now in because of his behaviour when even the tiniest change to the environment happens. People have been so supportive and understanding, and to use emotive language about "killing" as if I've tried nothing, and don't want to put in any real hard work is unfair. I can assure you this dog has consumed my life since the day we have had him, to the point at one stage I genuinely thought it was going to cost me my marriage because of the constant stress, and at one point I probably would have chosen the dog. But despite everything we have still carried on and it's now affecting the children and that's not OK. I'm happy for you that you would do things differently, believe me this is not a situation I would have wished for and I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life but that's the situation I find myself in, and all of the other posters have helped me so much gaining perspective I actually feel like a weight has been lifted even if I'm heartbroken.

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Absolutely OP - those suggesting going to a different vet think they know better as lay people - you don’t shop around to get them answer you want - that’s manipulation

I would trust the vet - he knows your situation

well done you again

your going to get off kilter posts from people like that - I’d just report them and get them deleted - don’t even read them

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:07

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/02/2026 18:40

How do your parents interact with him? That would give an indication as to why he's fine with them and not others.

It sounds (and I honestly don't mean to be harsh) that you're making many excuses why you can't try things.

Are you anxious yourself by any chance?

Show quote history

Honestly I am the least anxious person, and my husband is so laid back hes horizontal. My parents are the same as we are, dog loves them but then he's known them all his life.

I don't think it's fair to say I'm not willing to try things, if there was a magic wand or cure I would take it, I'm pointing out that I have, for the last four years tried all sorts of different methods and stuck to each one meticulously for months before going back to the drawing board. We have two internal doors to our living room and both have needed replacing twice because of the damage he did whilst "ignoring him" (they are glass panelled, he could see us) baby gates get replaced every 3/4 months because he is literally using them as a launch pad. To be honest none of that really bothered me too much because I'd happily pay to replace doors if it meant his behaviour improved in the long term, but it did nothing. Distracting him with throwing food on the floor. He ate the food and carried on regardless (and put on weight!). The list just goes on and on.

I'm just at the point that I don't know where to draw the line: give it another 6 months for it to fail and then what? Because nothing has helped before despite us all giving 100% So if it sounds like Im not listening to ideas it's because I honestly have tried them and they've failed! I've tried to emphasise the impact it is having not just on my family but also the other dog, and I can't continue with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:11

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 18:46

Absolutely OP - those suggesting going to a different vet think they know better as lay people - you don’t shop around to get them answer you want - that’s manipulation

I would trust the vet - he knows your situation

well done you again

your going to get off kilter posts from people like that - I’d just report them and get them deleted - don’t even read them

Show quote history

Thank you! I can't believe anyone with children would disregard advice from a qualified professional that could risk a child's safety, I love the dog but absolutely nothing would let me take that risk and I won't apologise for that.

OP posts:

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 19:13

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:11

Thank you! I can't believe anyone with children would disregard advice from a qualified professional that could risk a child's safety, I love the dog but absolutely nothing would let me take that risk and I won't apologise for that.

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No need to - those posters obviously have their own issues going on

best of luck with it - your taking the right steps

and it sounds like anyone you speak to who has got credit - trainer vet etc is saying the right thing - trust them

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 19:17

No one suggested putting your kids at risk Op. They simply suggested a different vet practice not buying him drugs off the street corner.

I don't really understand why you made the post when you have admitted you are done trying.

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 19:20

Just to be clear, a certified veterinary behaviourist experienced in this type of problem.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/02/2026 19:23

OP - only the truly stupid would advise going against vets advice with a dog they haven’t even met. You wouldn’t catch a professional doing that, so please, please ignore the well meaning but clearly clueless posters advising you to do X Y and Z
As a professional, there is a route to your dog potentially being able to live a fuller,happier existence. That’s never going to be in your home though….4 years of trying everything possible have proved that.
It IS maybe possible in a quieter home where an experienced person can start again with a clean slate. You are now fighting against a pattern of learned behaviour and CER (conditioned emotional response) which makes changing his behaviour nigh on impossible in your own home
Rehoming is the kindest thing you can do for him. I have everything crossed for you that a rescue comes through and offers a foster space and that giving him up for adoption is the hardest thing you have to do for him.
Try not to take on board the ranting posts - the rescue did not judge you, if you came to me as a client I wouldn’t judge you either. Some match ups are just inherently not right through nobody’s fault

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 19:26

Sweetnessandbite · 19/02/2026 19:17

No one suggested putting your kids at risk Op. They simply suggested a different vet practice not buying him drugs off the street corner.

I don't really understand why you made the post when you have admitted you are done trying.

Two vets have said no!! And explained why

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 19:27

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/02/2026 19:23

OP - only the truly stupid would advise going against vets advice with a dog they haven’t even met. You wouldn’t catch a professional doing that, so please, please ignore the well meaning but clearly clueless posters advising you to do X Y and Z
As a professional, there is a route to your dog potentially being able to live a fuller,happier existence. That’s never going to be in your home though….4 years of trying everything possible have proved that.
It IS maybe possible in a quieter home where an experienced person can start again with a clean slate. You are now fighting against a pattern of learned behaviour and CER (conditioned emotional response) which makes changing his behaviour nigh on impossible in your own home
Rehoming is the kindest thing you can do for him. I have everything crossed for you that a rescue comes through and offers a foster space and that giving him up for adoption is the hardest thing you have to do for him.
Try not to take on board the ranting posts - the rescue did not judge you, if you came to me as a client I wouldn’t judge you either. Some match ups are just inherently not right through nobody’s fault

This OP!

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:36

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/02/2026 19:23

OP - only the truly stupid would advise going against vets advice with a dog they haven’t even met. You wouldn’t catch a professional doing that, so please, please ignore the well meaning but clearly clueless posters advising you to do X Y and Z
As a professional, there is a route to your dog potentially being able to live a fuller,happier existence. That’s never going to be in your home though….4 years of trying everything possible have proved that.
It IS maybe possible in a quieter home where an experienced person can start again with a clean slate. You are now fighting against a pattern of learned behaviour and CER (conditioned emotional response) which makes changing his behaviour nigh on impossible in your own home
Rehoming is the kindest thing you can do for him. I have everything crossed for you that a rescue comes through and offers a foster space and that giving him up for adoption is the hardest thing you have to do for him.
Try not to take on board the ranting posts - the rescue did not judge you, if you came to me as a client I wouldn’t judge you either. Some match ups are just inherently not right through nobody’s fault

Thank you, you are completely right. We could not love him more but it just isn't enough. I honestly am just hoping a rescue programme will be able to support us, we actually did look into some residential training programmes because we thought maybe we were the problem and I would be happy to hold my hands up and say it was beyond us, but one used very questionable methods and the other did say that whilst they may be able to resolve the issue, it would only be whilst he was away from us and because of the way he was wired once he was home it would be the same again.

OP posts:

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 19:42

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:36

Thank you, you are completely right. We could not love him more but it just isn't enough. I honestly am just hoping a rescue programme will be able to support us, we actually did look into some residential training programmes because we thought maybe we were the problem and I would be happy to hold my hands up and say it was beyond us, but one used very questionable methods and the other did say that whilst they may be able to resolve the issue, it would only be whilst he was away from us and because of the way he was wired once he was home it would be the same again.

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There you go then - they are every questionable and based on outdated methods in my experience

Original poster

Celtic1hair · 19/02/2026 19:47

Rhubarbandcustardd · 19/02/2026 19:42

There you go then - they are every questionable and based on outdated methods in my experience

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Absolutely. It would be different if it was basic training with a dog who wasn't anxious, but actually a dog with his temperament would only respond in fear and that's not ethical and wouldn't actually change anything so realistically we would be putting him through a massive trauma, with no positive outcome and potential PTSD which could manifest in a terrible way in the future. Its not training he needs if that makes sense?

OP posts: