Strange situation on the train with parent

[Chips098]

It's not a massive deal, just slightly odd from the (presumed) parent. I was sitting opposite a boy who looked around 12 and a middle aged man.
The boy was eating sweets with his mouth wide open, I know some children don't always eat with their mouths closed, especially toddlers, but the noise it was making was so loud and it was like he was opening his mouth for the dentist every time.
It wasn't nice manners really, I know it's not my child or my business. I probably looked at him a second longer than I should've done, I didn't have any earphones to put in and train was packed out.

The father must've seen this because he asked the kid for a sweet, then proceeded to eat it in the exact same mouth wide open manner, staring at me. I understand i shouldn't have looked at the kid but the Dad knew what he was doing, and I found it a bit intimidating. Does this sound odd or was i in the wrong?

Don't look at others. Read a book.

You are not being unreasonable at all.
However I would say that as the parent of a now 23 year old Autistic DC, it can be absolutely soul destroying when people don't get it.
DC has always been a messy eater and eats in a very undignified way, very quickly and always, ALWAYS has food all around their mouth after a meal.
Other, DC who is a young teen constantly expresses how gross and disgusting older DC's eating habits are while I constantly have to remind them to please close their mouth while chewing, wipe their mouth after eating and to please be aware that others find certain eating habits unpleasant. It just doesn't go in and I doubt it ever will!
You got a snapshot of their life. Perhaps someone else had said something earlier. Perhaps the dad sees similar reactions to his son all the time and felt a wave of protectiveness.
Either way, while I totally get how passive aggressive and intimidating this must have been, it was a dad who clearly cares for his child defending that child. Honestly I'd let it go.

Narcissistic injury by proxy. Instead of accepting their kid made a mistake and correcting the kid, the dad was triggered into a “how dare you even think critical things about my child, you’re the problem” mentality. And one he’s mentally framed you as the problem, anything he does towards you is justified in his head.

You could have asked for a sweet and then joined in

It's satire, hun.

Why don’t you throw the race card in as well while you’re at it?

Satire is funny.

Oh good grief, not pop tarts... Crispy pancakes. 😁

No one can tell you on here what happened, even you aren’t sure and you were there! At face value he was incredibly rude and confrontation. It’s not a massive stretch to think that you stared at a child that could have been younger than 12 (I think that matters) for a little too long. The child may be ASD and if someone stared at my son and made him feel uncomfortable for existing I would most likely be passive aggressive like the man or I would ask them not to stare. That said, I do remind my son to close his mouth, wipe his nose etc as I’m aware it’s unpleasant for others to witness. But my son has some understanding, perhaps this child doesn’t? Should they never eat in a public place again? You get my drift. my son never wipes his mouth after he’s eaten without being prompted. He had just eaten a slice of chocolate cake whist out with family and a family member asked him to wipe his mouth. He had literally not swallowed the last mouthful! He said ‘no’ to them! Ordinarily I would have stepped in and given him an ultimatum or gone and wiped it myself but I was so annoyed at their obvious disgust. That day I left it chocolatey. Sometimes us parents of SEN children are just a bit fucked off at life and judgement and act a bit cunty. I’m not proud but it stops the suicidal thoughts. It could be that.

My highly autistic little cousin chewed like this until well into his teens. Never judge a book by its cover.

Oh give over. I'm autistic and my kids are too,even my dyspraxic SPD autistic child knows to eat with his mouth closed

What happened on the train was not SEN. It was rude people being rude

Riiiiight...🙄

Quite, she would have no idea if the boy had learning difficulties. I have an autistic grandson that eats like this. I would not be happy with the staring.

This is not quite the same thing but also maybe the same thing..

DC is in a NICU open plan type ward and I, a woman, was very rude yesterday to someone (a visitor for another baby) who stared at my DC whilst having a stoma bag change. We've been there 43 days now... I was, and still am, overwhelmed, tired, emotional and that lady was what broke the camel's back. It was wrong of me and I should have dealt with my own emotions better. I know DH has also recently been snappy with someone.

Could it be that this man's child had a problem (maybe SEN) and he just didn't respond politely or in the right way just because he too was fed up of people looking at his son a second longer than they should be. Maybe he was just having a bad day.

I think I too would have once said how inexcusable his behaviour was.. but now I have experienced a little bit what an emotional existence it is to have a child with additional needs, I can completely see how someone might snap.

No one's says all children with SEN can't eat properly but that doesn't mean this child was just been rude. PP gave an example earlier of a physical disability that means her relative can't eat with his mouth closed, but you have an autistic child so know everything about all disabilities?

He’s just a dick. Maybe there is hope for his son, but I wouldn’t hold my breath 😁

If it was just a result of a parent who didn't care that his child had terrible eating habits, how would the man have known that was what OP was staring at in order to have such a response?

I agree. It’s astoundingly ignorant to think that everyone else’s experience of a condition is the same as your own and your children’s. That poster has mentioned that one of her children has dyspraxia, a condition that affects everyone differently, just like ASD. Both my children are autistic (one diagnosed, one not in a position to be assessed at the moment) and they are wildly different. My 13yo eats with his mouth open, not wide enough to see the food, but wide enough to be a bit noisy. It’s not a physical problem, but a trait of his OCD. I can’t pretend to understand it, except in the sense that it’s something he can’t control like the rest of his OCD. He is virtually agoraphobic, so any rare time he wants to chomp food a bit noisily in public, I’m bloody well going to let him. The noise drives me bananas, but I suppress my extreme discomfort (misophonia) and we usually have a lovely time.

Did I claim to know all about disabilities? Or are you looking for a row? It's my opinion that the child and parent was being rude and it's your opinion that you they are SEN and couldn't help it 🤷‍♀️

If she had said "You enjoying that sweet young man?" no doubt the father would have thought she was being sarcastic and taking the p*ss

Yes, life is better when you are bice but he certainly wasn't being nice

No, simply acknowledging that either is a possibility.

Not necessarily.

Wow, I have various neurodiversity and sen, and so do my kids, and I also work with disabled people and have worked in a SEN school, and If you were giving my kid sweets on a train and ignoring that they were eating with an open mouth, and then also did the gross open mouth chewing to the other passengers...
I'd be so shocked. That's inappropriate and unprofessional if that was your student, and really rude and poor role model if that was your child you were his dad.

It's really repulsive to have to witness other people's gross eating habits.
If it was someone who had clear learning or physical disabilities then I would not expect the same manners, but i would still not want to watch them eating.