Strange situation on the train with parent

[Chips098]

It's not a massive deal, just slightly odd from the (presumed) parent. I was sitting opposite a boy who looked around 12 and a middle aged man.
The boy was eating sweets with his mouth wide open, I know some children don't always eat with their mouths closed, especially toddlers, but the noise it was making was so loud and it was like he was opening his mouth for the dentist every time.
It wasn't nice manners really, I know it's not my child or my business. I probably looked at him a second longer than I should've done, I didn't have any earphones to put in and train was packed out.

The father must've seen this because he asked the kid for a sweet, then proceeded to eat it in the exact same mouth wide open manner, staring at me. I understand i shouldn't have looked at the kid but the Dad knew what he was doing, and I found it a bit intimidating. Does this sound odd or was i in the wrong?

I'd probably have done the same as the dad. Or spoken to you directly to point out your rudeness. Depends what mood I was in.

DS had a jaw alignment issue for his whole childhood. He was only allowed surgery for it as an adult.

If you'd been judging my child for his disability, I'd have stuck up for my son.

That absolutely sounds like misophonia (I have it to). The urge to copy the noise as a way of dealing with it is very strong.

Snap - I read that article this morning and it also came to mind for me when reading the thread. Feels like some men are becoming worryingly emboldened. Certain political developments make me worry this is only going to get worse.

Sorry for not seeing this sooner, it doesn’t notify me unless you quote my post directly.

Did you read the full original post or just the TLDR? There was a crucial part where I mentioned the fact that we don’t know anything about that specific child and the many possible causes for the behaviour including severe disability, jaw problems and blocked nose. All very valid reasons.

I never once suggested that if parents try hard enough they can all do it and I didn’t make blanket statements. I was simply disturbed by the amount of people here that suggested that SEN generally was an excuse for poor parenting.

Nobody would assume a child with profound learning disabilities should have good table manners, because that is not in their capacity. However the majority of children that fall under the SEN label are more capable than people here seem to think.

This is something I have noticed in a professional capacity over many years. I empathise with your situation, and your feelings towards my post, but I wasn’t talking about children with profound disabilities and tried to make that clear.

All you would have had to say, " Sorry about this. My son has a disability"

Your son's disability does not give you an excuse to think everyone should put up and shut up and that you have to give no explanation.

If you choose not to take the stick out of your arse and not give an explanation than you expect-and should have-disgusted reactions.

My reaction to you calling me rude or as you say, copying his behaviour, would very much depend on the mood I was in, as you put it. How disgusting of you to think you could sit there too with your mouth wide open masticating.

Foul.

Both totally wrong.

Instead of staring why not talk to him in a friendly way then you wouldn't get the response you got.

Cutlery for pop tarts? 😮

Horrible you experienced that, but lesson learnt, staring from even a moment longer 5”than “usual” has led to a belief you were judging his child, you are a stranger so he didn’t want you to be doing this. Same as you didn’t want him eating in that manner.

All of this would have been avoided if OP had smiled or made a bit of conversation.

You enjoying that sweet young man? You having a good day?
Father would have warmed to you then and thought how nice you were?

Some humans have no idea how to react and interact and because of that it ends up like this.
Life is much better when your nice.

😂 😂

Why not? In case it offends a male bully?
😧

He was being judged for having no manners .

Putting the onus on the woman to ‘be nice’ again …

Aggressive twat

I draw your attention to those of us on this thread trying to help you and other judgemental posters understand how draining it is to have to repeatedly deal with other people's rudeness day after day after day.

Foul

Just one step away from it being OP's fault that the father acted as he did. Women are not responsible for men's behaviour - why do some women have such a problem with that?🙄

Exactly this. And he overrated. But we don't know their story. The kid could have a disability of some kind, and maybe gets judged everywhere he goes and his dad is sick to death of it.

Or he could be completely fine and just ill mannered and his dad is the reason for it.

We will never know, but it really is just best not to judge. If his dad noticed you looking, it was probably for longer than you are saying.

I’d be weirded out by a stranger staring at my child for longer than necessary in order to try to modify my child’s behaviour. It’s completely inappropriate and downright dangerous to start goading someone via their child in a public space.
you have no idea who or what you are dealing with and all the potential repercussions, for you, the child or for other passengers .
the kid could have sen and the dad might have come to the end of his tether with judgy strangers.
its not your job to discipline children you don’t know, it’s inappropriate and creepy to stare at someone else’s child.
youre lucky that’s all the dad did, that could have escalated horribly .

If a protective mum reacted the same way as the dad, would people say it’s misogyny ?

You should have smiled and said "he looks just like you"

Well yes, his son should be judged. 12 is old enough to have learned nobody wants to see your tonsils or hear you chew.

definitely gross. I’d of told my son to not eat like that. How horrible and unmannered. Also people eating like that irritate the life out of me!

Now, remember back to a time when you yourself have not behaved impeccably, oh come on, dont give me all that nonsense that you have always, in every situation, regardless of stress, illness and so on behaved perfectly? Never done a little sneeze without a tissue? Never drank too much and made an arse of yourself?

What about your kid or dog?

Well you must be an amazing person to know.

No I’ve been a real arsehole at times. And I have been judged and held accountable too - shamed and told off and taught what is and what is not OK through those reactions.

Thats how people learn to be less arsehole-y as they grow!

I probably looked at him a second longer than I should've done...

Off with your head!! You didn't even SAY anything. You are kind of naturally facing the person sitting across from you in a four-seater in a crowded carriage, so yes, looks will happen even if everyone's behaviour is exemplary. I'd possibly give the son some benefit of the doubt, but unless wankerism has been made a protected characteristic the dad's on a shoogly peg. But I think all you could have realistically done is not given him any of the attention he was looking for.

Why? If people behave in a disgusting manner, disgust will register on the faces of others.