Strange situation on the train with parent

[Chips098]

It's not a massive deal, just slightly odd from the (presumed) parent. I was sitting opposite a boy who looked around 12 and a middle aged man.
The boy was eating sweets with his mouth wide open, I know some children don't always eat with their mouths closed, especially toddlers, but the noise it was making was so loud and it was like he was opening his mouth for the dentist every time.
It wasn't nice manners really, I know it's not my child or my business. I probably looked at him a second longer than I should've done, I didn't have any earphones to put in and train was packed out.

The father must've seen this because he asked the kid for a sweet, then proceeded to eat it in the exact same mouth wide open manner, staring at me. I understand i shouldn't have looked at the kid but the Dad knew what he was doing, and I found it a bit intimidating. Does this sound odd or was i in the wrong?

I don’t think many posters are actually judging the child, more the parent for not only failing to correct him but joining in.

I am not a perfect parent, nobody is, but I wouldn’t see my child eating with their mouth open and not correct her.

Well, then don’t come on the internet to whine about the child’s parent mocking you after they register your ill-concealed disgust?

What a freak! I sit with a guy at work on breaks & omg the noise he makes, I just can't get my head round why his parents didn't tell him as a kid. It's just basic manners

Why bring politics into this discussion?? You have absolutely no idea of his voting past or intentions. Weird.

Why bring politics into this discussion?? You have absolutely no idea of his voting past or intentions. Weird.

Oh Op. How disgusting of the pair of them. I’d have got up and moved, even if I had to stand the rest of the way.

I can remember a journey I did a few years ago. I was sitting on my own, no one opposite and no one across from me. At the next station a man got on and sat opposite me. He then proceeded to sniff non stop. Not only did it annoy me but it made me feel uncomfortable. Just before the next stop he produced a bottle of Jonnie Walker from his pocket and started swigging large gulps. As the train pulled in, I grabbed my stuff, got off the train and ran down the platform looking for a carriage with a lot more people in. Found one and sat opposite a couple and their dog for the rest of the way. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt unsafe on public transport.

Chips098
Absolutely 'orrible
Be thankful the pig didn't actually squeak at you
Also
Wonder what the mum/partners like of said Sty family

Not strictly true. Men are actually able to control the behaviour of other men quite often. Unless this specimen was very confident he could handle himself I very much doubt he'd have gone out of his way to antagonise a disapproving man.

Crap parenting.

It sounds like the boy was fooling around for dad's attention. Dad joined in for fun, noticed OP haughtiness in staring and stared back.
FGS. 🙄

I only said today, when did people become so slobby
table manners, even the basics, putting cutlery together on plate, saying please, thank you, even looking tidy, what’s with dry robes in a city , dirty grey track suit bottoms
moan over

I would have felt a bit freaked out and intimidated by that too OP.
Perhaps the child has additional needs or some physical disability? Regardless, no need for the adult to behave that way.
I suppose IF it was due to additional needs, parents probably get exhausted by feeling they need to explain or apologise for all their child’s behaviours, behaviours that they can’t control. But the answer is not to behave like a child and go around intimidating people. After all, are we to assume that everyone who behaves oddly or rudely has additional needs? A slightly prolonged look could be out of curiosity as much as anything else. He should have just got on with his day, or, if he felt he needed to say anything, say something like ‘sorry folks, he can’t help it’ or a good humoured ‘we’re working on eating with our mouths closed’.

Could the child have SEN op ?
Dosent excuse the dads behaviour who's a bit of a tit but could be a response to constant judgey looks .

The man's a dick, don't get me wrong. The only caveat, is there might be a reason the child is eating like that and his dad might be sick of the looks. I only say that because ds has autism and dyspraxia, the combo makes eating with his mouth shut hard (awareness of social Norms plus just the physical coordination) we always tell him, and mostly he's on top of it, but there are some odd other stuff he does that we let go that people notice and stare at (he'll keep his hat, scarf and coat on in a restaurant, or read a book at our table or have ear defenders on). Sometimes as a parent of a send child you just get sick of the weird looks and stares. Yes, in an ideal world it wouldn't be happening but you do sometimes let things slide because otherwise life would be permanently nagging a child who can't complete the action correctly anyway and they've tried really hard at every other part of life that day.

Totally not saying that happened, but it might have, and I'd never respond the way the dad did - horrible behaviour by him. But I have once said to someone (in a supermarket, hit my child with a trolley and my child didn't say anything because of his autism - and, separate point but why should he as he was hit, anyway!) "for god sake he's disabled and it was your fault" and the man went muttering off about parents and kids as bad as each other and i felt awful. Sometimes after a long day of life being hard as a send parent these things happen because you know people are constantly judging without prior knowledge of the whole heap of extra parenting you're doing and you snap.

Might be that, might be he's a tw*t for no reason. Who knows.

But @Globules-you are the rude one. You brazenly declared that you would act as the man on the train and there is no justification for that...none.

If you think people are being judgemental of your autistic boy, then that is because they don't know he is autistic. Most of us are not Mystic Meg.

However, you know he is and if you don't want people-who don't have this knowledge-not to think he is a rude child, then it is up to you to politely tell them.

Most people will sympathise and stop judging him.

However if, as you declare, you would do the same thing as the oaf on the train rather than do that simple polite act, then people will judge you both. They will judge you to be an ignorant twat and you will have to ask yourself honestly...are they wrong.

Why choose to act like an ignorant twat rather than a simple, "my boy is autistic and can't help...whatever he is doing."

Don't be a twit. Tell people that your boy has special needs if he is behaving in a way to upset other people-you will find most people will no longer judge.

Don't sit there like a stuffed owl, hugging that knowledge to yourself and waiting, waiting for a chance to show that you can behave like an oaf by copying the actions of a child who cannot help them.

He was and so he should be .the child has disgusting manners and the father is worse than the child
Honestly i couldnt cope with that , noisy loud eaters give me rage
I was stood next to a grown man slapping his chops while chewing gum as loudly as possible all while having a conversation with his wife who didnt say a thing the other day
I had to move away

I would have got up and left. Disgusting!
Edited to add, I take Loop earplugs with me everywhere, especially on public transport!

This. You have no idea why the child ate like that. Judging and staring are not appropriate for any child. Just look away.

I work with SEN children and sometimes that involves taking them out in public. I've had all sorts of dirty looks thrown at me and the children. They don't always look like they have a disability, I suppose. But still. Me demanding they eat with their mouth closed to a lot of them would result in confusion at best at a massive meltdown at worst. Maybe if I was having a bad day I would've done what the man did in the hopes it would encourage Miss Judgeyface to keep her comments to herself. Me keeping them still and quiet out in public is a massive deal.
Maybe he was a dick, maybe he was trying his best.

I would have made a grossed out face and got up and moved tbh.

Then maybe don’t give them sweets when they’re directly facing strangers if they’re going to eat them unpleasantly?

Honestly the amount of hard graft and sweat and danger it takes to do my job (and often be a SEN parent) getting the child out to that point (often something even their parent is unable to do) is a bloody miracle. And if it's not the sweet it will be something that is annoying someone. The noise, some drool, their appearance.
There are not enough support workers willing to do my job and with attitudes like yours eventually there will be none. Then there will be no respite for parents and no community engagement for the children, which will probably make some ignorant adults that are sticklers for "manners" happy.

What the heck? Are you being serious? Don't give kids sweets on a trip out just incase the upset you, a grown adult??

Why not be nice. Life will be easier.

When all you had to do was either be nice, and smile or not stare.