Strange situation on the train with parent

[Chips098]

It's not a massive deal, just slightly odd from the (presumed) parent. I was sitting opposite a boy who looked around 12 and a middle aged man.
The boy was eating sweets with his mouth wide open, I know some children don't always eat with their mouths closed, especially toddlers, but the noise it was making was so loud and it was like he was opening his mouth for the dentist every time.
It wasn't nice manners really, I know it's not my child or my business. I probably looked at him a second longer than I should've done, I didn't have any earphones to put in and train was packed out.

The father must've seen this because he asked the kid for a sweet, then proceeded to eat it in the exact same mouth wide open manner, staring at me. I understand i shouldn't have looked at the kid but the Dad knew what he was doing, and I found it a bit intimidating. Does this sound odd or was i in the wrong?

Which he will be if he grows up with those manners

I agree, it’s funny I never have to put up with any shit on trains from arseholes when I’m travelling with male DP. On my own, I’m always waiting for the next crappy thing to happen involving a crappy bloke.

Why 'obviously'?

Just never been taught the right way by the sound of it

Maybe the boy has Autism and couldn't help himself

Yes, there is a reason.

It's called feral parenting.

And the girl will follow the example set by the father too. I know females are deemed as perfect on MN but to leave the girl out of the equation purely because of that is ridiculous. You are implying that despite being set the same example, she will rise above it as the saintly female she is. She won't. Male and female children raised in the same awful way will both likely turn out to be dreadful adults.

I do not agree with what the father did at all. That was unnecessary and rude. However, someone really close to me has had a blocked nose and cold like symptoms since they were 4 due to an infection, meaning they physically cannot eat with their mouth closed, as they wouldn't be able to breath. They have had surgery and medical treatment but nothing has worked, so they essentially live with a cold but with no cotton wool head. I know this isn't the case in every situation, but I would hate to think people were judging them as rude and disgusting for something they can't help. It isnt always possible to not eat in public, especially when travelling. I don't know whether the boy was going through something similar though so it could have been unnecessary in his case.

Eating pop tarts for breakfast but they were using cutlery so that's perfectly reasonable?

I don't think they've even allowed to show children eating stuff like that in adverts anymore as it's so unhealthy.

My child wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut while eating, he does have sen.
But I would try and limit that on other people, by offering food that is not so chewy or if not a long ride wait until we got of.
I would never try and make anyone feel uncomfortable, but if you were staring at my child think about how uncomfortable that makes us feel to.

Fair, but the girl's response might be sublimated. She might idealise her father and accept worthless, violent men as a partner. Or the boy might reject his father's behaviour and turn out differently. We don't really know.

I would have chuckled at that behaviour and then buried my face in a book or phone. Even if I felt awkward or intimidated I wouldn’t show it.

I‘m sorry this happened to you OP, some people are just antisocial.

Agreed - the two situations are not comparable. The PP was entitled to be aggrieved on her DGD behalf as an adult was judging her body.

In the OP’s situation, she was made uncomfortable by anti-social behaviour. She wasnt judging anyone for eating sweets.

I dont know if men’s behaviour is getting worse or im getting less tolerant. But every time i go on a train, there is a man coughing/snottering/sneezing over his fellow passengers. I find it disgusting and you bet I show it on my face!

You met a dickhead on a train. At least you could walk away. Disgusting.

But even if this was the case either ignoring you because they don’t feel the need to explain, or saying “he has SEN, can you please stop staring” would’ve been more appropriate than the weirdo reaction from the dad.

Nose picking teenagers in a classroom @RhaenysRocks always received the same response, “Name, take your trotter out of your snout.” There was never any comeback.

I feel sorry for the kid. Lots of posters making nasty assumptions. A kid was eating loudly in public, wow, who cares!? Are you so sensitive and intolerant that you can't handle that, in the grand scheme?

Maybe you need your parents to remind you how to behave, because judging and staring at people is rude.

I’m not loving the ‘he might have SEN’ posts here. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, children with additional needs can still be parented, they just need different approaches.

It wasn’t called that when I was growing up but I was a SEN child, so was my partner, and my mother long before that. We were all raised with the same manners, rules and expectations of any other child, with some allowances for our differences. LO is suspected autistic too and still gets parented almost the same way, with more modern understanding, and she is a very capable 4 year old.

When working with children with SEN I have noticed a big difference in the children that have positive parental involvement and high expectations vs the ones whose parents have low expectations of their children. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy in some cases in my opinion. I have worked with kids with high support needs that have been taught clear routines, rules and social skills and are able to function independently so much better than those who haven’t, that might have much lower support needs.

Obviously we don’t know anything about this specific child, he could of course have SEN that means he can’t understand closing his mouth to eat, he could have a problem with his jaw that makes it difficult or even just a really stuffy nose. It’s just in general I see people, usually people with children that don’t have SEN, having such low expectations of these kids that are capable of so much.

TLDR: The majority of children with SEN are perfectly capable of learning table manners with time and a gentle approach. Saying ‘maybe they have SEN’ as an excuse for horrible parenting puts children with additional needs on a back foot and lowers the general expectation of what they can do. Sorry for the rant 😅.

My grandson used to eat with his mouth open. It turned out he had blocked nasal cavities but this wasn't discovered until he was 13. It could be something like this.

I haven't created this post to discuss how the child should have been eating, it was largely to discuss the father's reaction and behaviour that was intimidating.

Maybe he thought you were intimidating the child by staring?

Gross. And what a sad man for enjoying a smidgen of power over a woman he doesn’t even know.

Yea I think you are both right. No one is covered in glory in this situation. Don’t stare at children, don’t chew with your mouth open.

I wouldn’t have found this intimidating and just because it’s a man doesnt make it so. I would have found it childish and pathetic and probably laughed at him and closed my eyes after.

"I would never try and make anyone feel uncomfortable, but if you were staring at my child think about how uncomfortable that makes us feel to."

As the parent of a disabled teenager that is my view too.

Literally this. Why let a 12 year old eat like that?! I remind my 2 year olds not to do that

It’s gross. I’ve got up moved before because of people eating sweets like this. The dad should have said something regardless of you staring. The fact that he did the same to intimidate you just says a lot about the family.