I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

This is such a mental take. 2 days out of 25 is too much to used to enable your spouse to have a day off? Wow some have such martyr personalities.

5 weeks isn't a lot when you're covering holidays. It's loads when you have childcare on tap to do all that, which is what is currently happening here. He's already taken 2 random weeks off outside holidays because he's not using up his annual leave. 2 days is not a lot to ask and the OP already said her friends are visiting and aren't around on the weekend.

It's pretty standard to assume the teacher parent does all the childcare during holidays but the non-teacher parent takes time off during the school holidays too, to go on holiday/days out. The non-teacher parent also uses AL for kids appointments/sick-days/inset days/rediculous reception staggered starts/sports days/nativity plays/awards assemblies/washing machine repair services/important deliveries "anytime between 8am-8pm" and anything else family/household related during term-time.

I would expect you to do the bulk of the holidays since that’s a perk of your job but you deserve child free days too. Assuming that you were considerate about which day to take based on his work, yanbu.

He should take the bulk of his holidays when you and the kids are off so you can have family time but if he’s taking the majority off to be child free then he is unreasonable.

So okay for him to have a day free from family but not you.

I'm team 'Most'. It's good for the other partner to have quality time with DCs on their own occasionally as it will be a totally different vibe. Plus good fun for everyone.

I'm a teacher and have always covered majority of holidays. Dh uses his leave for kids sick days, I only get paid for w day a year if my kids are sick so dh covers majority.
Then he uses the rest for time with us all. So a holiday in summer, camping for a week, and when we visit his and my family.
So first example he us taking 1 day off this half term and we will go out fir the day somewhere.
When my kids were younger, I'd keep my youngest in nursery for a day and spend q on 1 time with my eldest. They are a little older now 8 and 11 do we invite friends round for playdates.

Depends what he's using his annual leave for. If he's getting child free days when kids are at school then it's unreasonable to expect you not to have any child free days to yourself.

If you’re wanting to meet up with friends won’t most of them have their children also during the holidays?

Because if dh didn’t have to use or rather fight for annual leave during school holidays he wouldn’t.

I've always covered the school holidays but I expect DH to use his annual leave during the school holidays so that we can all spend time together as a family. It wouldn't occur to me that he'd book annual leave for when we're all at work & school and then just leave us to it come the summer. He's not being reasonable. If he does have solo holidays/ time away then you deserve the same in return. But I would be worried that he'd choose to spend 3 weeks of his annual leave suiting himself rather than participating in family life.

So in this scenario no one gets much of a break - I suppose I think it’s more sensible to mix it up a bit, so non teacher takes a few days during term time - no problem, but they also ‘cover’ a few days in the holidays so teacher can have a break.

Otherwise, all those boring but necessary things like eye tests (need to book one) hair appointments, car being serviced, smear test (!) dentist either don’t get done, get done with children in tow (not ideal) or are crammed onto Saturdays.

I would say that it is your responsibility to sort the children out when you are on leave but you can use a holiday club, as most working parents have to do.
i would also say that it is your husband’s responsibility to take leave when your children are ill, as it is quite hard for you to take time off in term time. Yes if you both want some free time then you can mutually agree about it, but isn’t that what weekends are for.

Same as this above. I‘m a teacher and I also never questioned that I would do holiday childcare. If I need a day or a few hours to myself, I arrange holiday club or family.

Not everyone has young children, or even children 😅

Annual leave is for time as a family for me. I love having that extended time together. Weekends and evenings are for friends.

When should her husband take his five weeks off then? During term time so he can have five weeks worth of days off to enjoy himself and relax and do as he pleases? Whilst his wife spends every one of her days off with the kids?

Everyone I know wouldn’t want to book leave in children’s holidays though if they didn’t have children.

It’s busier everywhere. If I didn’t have children I wouldn’t be holidaying in August for example.

Yes, three months a year you're not working. How do you think it works if each parent has five weeks AL and there are 13 weeks school holidays. Either you spend all AL with your kids or you pay for holiday clubs/swap with other parents/kids with grandparents etc. Why can't you do the same if you want child free days to yourself?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP. Your DH has some time to himself, and so why shouldn't you?

Those posters who think that you should cover all the childcare because you have more leave are not taking into account the utterly gruelling workload that teachers unfortunately have. You need a genuine rest sometimes too!

I specifically took leave over this half-term so my husband gets to have some down time too. I can’t really do all of Summer off (not enough leave), but try and double up our holidays as much as possible. Even if one of us wants a few hours to themselves it is much easier if it wasn’t the other person doing the whole day on their own otherwise. Teaching as a job is bloomin’ exhausting- it’s basically being in meetings with 30 people, who don’t want to be in them,all day long- so I fully appreciate he doesn’t have leave just to cover child care he needs his own downtime too…I didn’t think it’s something controversial though.

No, I would not expect my spouse to use annual leave so I could be child free mid week unless it was a special occasion. Then I would ask and not be "put out" if he didn't.

I would meet friends outside working hours/weekends.

The worst bulk time is the summer hols. 6 weeks!! I expect dp to take at least 3 weeks off then so we holiday abroad AND also do theme parks/long weekends away.

Of course YANBU! If he essentially gets several weeks a year outside of school hols where he’s off and pleasing himself, whereas all your time is either working or AL looking after the kids solo, then that isn’t a fair split of free time. I’d negotiate for an equal number of child free days per year. He’s benefiting enormously from you being a teacher but when do you get any free time?

If he is rubbish at booking leave why don't you book it in advance and talk to him about when to take it?
I am a TA and usually we have to be in for a safeguarding inset but other than that I am at home during inset/holidays (though I will have a child moving to secondary so won't have exactly the same holidays).
Usually at the start of the year (or even the year beforehand) I discuss with my husband when we might want to go on the family holiday and then select other weeks to book off to break up the year and to coincide with school holidays. We usually leave a few days for any unexpected events/illness.

If he has three weeks holiday that he uses for himself and not during the school holidays then it’s absolutely not an issue to expect him to use two days during the holidays to facilitate you spending time with friends.