I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

We do get time to ourselves, we go out with friends separately at the weekends/evenings etc, or take ourselves off for the day on our own to do something at the weekends. We’ve just always booked our annual leave in school holidays. Of course that’s partly for childcare reasons too, as we both only get 25 days annual leave and we have far more school holidays than that to cover!

Yes as a TA I expect my husband to take the majority of his leave at the same time (expect for a few days to keep for illness/emergencies) as we too choose to spend our time off as a family doing things with children.

I get my haircut in the evening, meet friends in the evening, smear test a bit tricky so usually have to book kids into after-school club for that, same with dentist, opticians I do on a Saturday or Sunday as the main chains open both days.

I think it's probably easier as my kids are older and happy to stay home and don't need constant entertaining (as long as they are attached to a screen). I guess if you have young children that's when it is harder as I always found i had to get them out the house!

This is going to sound really corny, but I liked the fact we had all that time together in the school holidays. I mean, there is a whole lot to moan about, being a teacher, but that really is a perk (and no, I didn't go into teaching with that in mind either, I had been teaching a long time before having dc).

However, 5 weeks of dh's AL used to get eaten up quite quickly. There were 5 INSET days to cover each year, for a start - that were obviously his by default. Then I liked the fact he came on holiday with us in the Summer, and came away to stay with extended family during some 1/2 term breaks and Easter, and took a good few days off over Christmas to all relax together. He'd usually try and book a day off to go on a big day out somewhere in holidays with us too.
I'd rather have him with me on some of those times than have him taking AL in the school holidays and then not spend it together.
DH would also sometimes take 3 days off near the end of his AL year and do something like decorate a room whilst the dc were at school.
If I wanted to spend a couple of nights away, I'd tend to do them at a weekend when dh was home anyway.

Of course, the difference here is how your dh spends his AL.

So, as a general rule, then I'd say yes, the school holidays fall to the teacher in the relationship by default, but, in your case I do think you need to have a conversation about fairness and how time off is used.

Nope! As soon as you have a break from the slave labour of school you sign up for the same thing with housework and childcare (in my case taxi driver to my 18 Y O who’s on reading week from Uni). As housework seems to be filling all of my newly retired time, I’ve signed up for 2 supply days a week because at least I can get paid for that. But in short, whatever the circumstances, men regard home and kids as women’s work and the little they do shrinks to nothing if you let them. OP, you’re probably too late for this half term but for Easter, sign your kids up for anything going in terms of activities and clubs. You’ll still be run ragged getting them there but you can get some time off for good behaviour.

I get at least one evening a week to myself, an hour or so out shopping or coffee most weekends and a weekend day with friends every couple of months. But I don't take annual leave for myself.

No, the majority of his leave should be when the rest of the family are off work/school. But if he does that say taking 2 weeks summer, 1 week Christmas, 1 week Easter he should at least have some say in how and when he uses the last 5 days.

Most parents where one isn’t a teacher get a evening or weekend day every so often as me time. They don’t really tend to get an entire working day.

To be fair to him if they have two young children one who has just started school and one at nursery in a few years it's likely most of his leave will be used up for child sickness, school assemblies, sports days, nativities etc.

I think if he really spends three weeks a year doing whatever he wants without family, then no, you are not being unreasonable.

And if friends are coming from afar, again less unreasonable.

OK, but how is that actually different?

I’m just surprised we’ve both been criticised for not signing up for the strict ‘you (teacher) must always be with your children in the holidays and you (non teacher) must only take annual leave in school holidays’ view which seems to be the prevailing one here.

I don't agree everyday of every school holiday should be your responsibility, but I wouldn't be thrilled about having to take 2 days out of 5 weeks annual leave in February either. Does he have to take leave for inset days, doctors appointments etc that happen in term time also if you can't?

OP I never managed this. My OH would have non school holidays off for time on his own. I somehow always had the kids. I don’t remember having a day on my own until they were teenagers. It’s infuriating. They always seemed to be off when I was. I didn’t even have a day when I was off and they were in school.
Because my sister had very limited holiday and multiple kids I had her two all the time as well. I’m a hero.
OP demand some time off.

my dc go to in-laws for four days in the six week hols and dh takes usually 2/3 days off plus a week where we go away. The days he’s off he usually does something with kids and I go gym or see friends. I’ll be honest at first dh use to say, “I’ve got a day off on the 22nd August, why am I off?” which use to irritate me as I couldn’t understand why he was incapable of remembering he was looking after his children.

At Xmas dh is off between Xmas and new year so we spend the time together.

easter, kids go to in-laws for two days and we have the bank hols together.

Half terms I usually do solo.

providing he has enough holiday to use as needed for family time and a bit for himself I can’t see why your dh wouldn’t use his annual leave the odd day but id probably ask for it more in summer than half term . I’d ignore any grumbling and keep doing it

I’m Team you, OP, as a fellow teacher / wife / mother who wants to enjoy time alone too. I’ve asked OH to take days off in holidays so I can have a day to myself - he can also spend quality time with the kids on days out then, which is actually rarer than me having alone time 🤣 he uses around 5-10 days of annual leave a year to do things like meeting his brothers, long weekends with friends etc so it’s not an issue if I ask him to take an annual leave day that benefits me too. I think I spent every day of the last summer holiday with my kids and I nearly lost my mind, as much as I love them 🤣 I’ve got friends who are teachers who put their kids in holiday clubs so they get time to do what they want too! I can’t justify the expense in my head though 🤣

Would you not? See I suppose different strokes for different folks. I am also a teacher and my DH would absolutely take time off to spend with his kids rather than use a 'camp' so I don't think OP is wrong here either. It's maybe more about individual expectations and also what her DH does use his leave for. Which is very relevant!

I’m a teacher and have always expected to have the kids all holiday. In all my years of socialising with teachers during the holidays, I’ve never known anyone’s OH take time off to look after the kids to facilitate meeting with friends. We either meet at kid friendly places or meet in the evening or weekend. A few had year round nursery for younger kids so we might have met kid free if they were at nursery but they wouldn’t have paid extra to arrange this.

Yeah, 3 weeks a year to himself is more than the very vast majority of parents get so I don’t know how he can begrudge the OP 2 days.

Because we save annual leave to take long chunks of time together as a family. A full week off even at home feels so different to a weekend to me in terms of quality time together.

Stay and play… story time… bake together. And so on and on have my children’s schools done. All at say 9am for an hour or two.

I feel like Im in school for some event or another every bloody week 😅 till secondary then school forget you exist lol

Well you’d think he would want to take some annual leave to spend with you and the children. But on the whole yes, holidays should be your responsibility. Do you think people who work in jobs that aren’t teaching get much time to themselves? No they don’t, because they are using it all for childcare in the school holidays. In most families, two partners working with say five weeks annual leave each, and of course they want to have a holiday together at some point, so their annual leave doesn’t even cover all the school holidays. It’s not unusual for the only time away from the kids to be half a day while they’re on a play date.

I’m nearly 19 years in and regret not taking more of a stand- I’ve done every single holiday.

If he is using his annual leave just for himself then it is clearly unfair. No you shouldn't have to do it all.

Yep DH does almost all of it. That's pretty normal in my teaching circle.

I think it really depends how it all works out in terms of balance. Our DS is disabled so there are no holiday clubs/wrap around care for us. DH has 25 days of AL, and I have 38. He uses all 25 of his days to care for DS and has no days to himself. I, however, use 35 days for DS. This leaves me 3 leftover to myself, but I have also done 10 days more of the hard grind of disability parenting. And DH works from home and has a lunch break every day whereas I work in a busy clinical environment and don’t get breaks.

If your DH is getting lots of days or even weeks to himself but you are either a) working or b) looking after the toddler or both children together, then you should also have some time to yourself.

As a teacher, though, I prefer DH to take plenty of time off in the holidays to spend with us or allow me to see friends without the kids once or twice a year. I wouldn't be impressed if he was saving whole weeks to have uninterrupted time doing whatever he wants!