I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

I think people are saying YABU as you haven’t been clear if your DH gets/ uses AL days to have by himself at home when the kids are in childcare? If he does then you should get the same opportunity as well.

I think you should have clarified that he uses his annual leave to take personal time for himself. Of course, that makes him extremely selfish to not ensure that you equally get days to yourself. Absolutely he should take leave to spend time with his children and let you use your leave for personal time. It should be as equal as possible.

So he gets to use some of his leave for family time (where he has you to take half the parenting load) and some just for himself? And yet somehow you're expected to be working or solo parenting, just because you're a teacher?

He's being an arse, everyone needs some time alone without DC in tow, especially teachers.

If he thinks it's hard to solo parent for 2 days, what does he think you have to do all the rest of the holidays?!

YADNBU!

If it hasn't happened yet, then I presume your kids are young? If so, you both need to sit down and make a plan because if this 2 days is causing havoc now... wait til DC1 is vomiting and has to stay out of school for 3 days, and then DC2 catches it at the tail end and another 2/3 days are needed. It'll be bedlam.

You mention you did Xmas holidays by yourself but you didn't, he took 5 days off also. So veto on that.

You also say he gets 3 weeks of leave (outside of summer vacation and xmas) but what does he actually use this for? Surely he hasn't taken 15 personal says off in a year for himself?

You have friends travelling a distance so I think that's fair that he'd use AL to cover you though.

I agree with this.

Even just the financial saving on holiday clubs could be substantial.

I am a teacher married to a lecturer and I absolutely do expect him to cover the odd day in school holidays. He has fewer teaching hours than me actually!

I worked term time when the kids were in school. Husband took his annual leave in the school holidays but that was to do things as a family. I met friends when he wasn’t off but we all took our kids. But that’s how our family worked which isn’t everyone’s way.
if your husband takes time off to do his own thing then I’d say he needs to owe you the same time which would involve him using his holidays.

Weekends are quite tricky as we have activities and also it depends on others - like with my friends from NI; they aren’t going to be here weekends and I can’t demand that they do! And since I do teach I know a lot of other teachers and we do meet during holidays. At weekends both children are also around too so much harder work (I can put my younger child in nursery during the week if I need to.)

I am a bit surprised that a few do think that the entirety of the holidays are my sole responsibility. That’s three months of the year, in total!

I feel your pain! Im having a precious few hours alone now, my sons dad has him but no days off from him, he said hes going to take 1 day off over Easter and 1 week over summer for our son which is WAY more than he would have done if we were still together! Its a man thing, we have holidays to look after kids their holidays are for them only BUT 5 weeks a year isn't much....

He has probably taken around ten, the others have been INSET and to be fair to him he did have our younger child while I had my hair done before Christmas (I work part time, but on my non working days I have a toddler so can’t indulge my friendships then!)

Think this is what I’m conscious can easily happen: a sort of ‘oh well mum is about anyway so I don’t need to book any leave.’ It was a bit notable he booked his weeks leave the week AFTER half term in October!

I genuinely don’t begrudge him time to himself, it’s just the children aren’t my sole responsibility.

I was a aingle mum so I sent mine to summer camp or abroad to the grandparents. If you were not around he would have to do the same.

I think sit down with him and come up with a fair plan- e.g you each get x days of your annual leave for yourself, and x days for family holidays etc
he's probably just looking at it as you're not at work so using his holiday now would be a waste of annual leave.
I think it's fair that you get some days for yourself, and surely he can't argue with it if he's also getting the same amount of child free days?

Do you not even speak to each other though?
Are you saying he took a week of annual leave alone in October even though the children were also off school during different dates in October?

Neither of you discussed how stupid that was?

So he took a week off in October and a week off in November totally alone and not a single day over Christmas if you did 100% of the childcare over Halloween and Christmas?

I disagree with people saying you should do all the care in your holidays. When do YOU get a break? This is assuming if you do all the care in the holidays, that he uses his five weeks annual leave to just take days off whilst the kids are at school and you’re at work so he can do his own thing…no way, how is that fair?

I think it needs to be something like…through a year he takes a few days annual leave during your hols so you can have days to yourself/see friends etc. Then he can take a few days whilst you and the kids are at school, so he can have days to himself and see his friends. And then the rest need to be whilst you and the kids are off, but so that you can do things all together as a family.

Was the October one even half term? I think it's absolutely fair to plan it out the same way you would if you both worked the holidays. You wanting to take two days to see friends you can't see any other time is not too much to ask.

It depends what he uses the other three weeks for? I’d find it really strange in general that he wouldn’t align his annual leave that isn’t used on family holidays with your time off and the kids?! What does he do just have random term time weeks on his own at home whilst you and kids are at school?

If so then I totally understand why you’re feeling frustrated. I mean yes of course you both deserve a day or two to yourselves for whatever reason. But if he is getting THREE WEEKS that he takes off work by himself then he’s being beyond unreasonable. But if those three weeks are also family time then I can see why he would have a little moan about it.

And the best solution then is to book a day in camp like others have said and pick your battles.

But if he does use those three weeks for himself only then to me the problem is way bigger!

I think you should do the bulk of them, but expecting him to cover a handful over the year isn't unreasonable.

Everyone seems to assume that the OP's friends are available evenings and weekends. Maybe they are not.

I think it's fine. You do not have to be joined at the hip to your family, you are allowed time for you as well.

The only thing I disagree on is the notion that it's terrible for kids to be looked after by people other than your DH. Why can't they do a holiday camp a couple of days so your DH can work and you can meet friends? The rest of us use paid childcare and the world doesn't stop turning.

Alternatively if he doesn't want to use leave then he can pay and book them into a holiday club.

Teacher with 2 kids and self employed husband. It does annoy me he gets time alone when he has no work on as no children. All my days are work or children. However he does the majority of the school runs and all the cooking. Is your dh pulling his weight in ither areas

@igelkott2026 - it works out awfully expensive is the problem. A day at a sports club for ds would be £40; an extra day at nursery for dd would be circa £80. So £120 together, it’s a lot of money, especially if we were to do it regularly.

Ha yes! My ex would always book his holiday around mine! When he was back at school!! Men!!

5 weeks isn’t a lot, and I think two days out of that is a lot to ask when you get teachers holidays. Especially two random days which disrupts the work week and doesn’t really give a good break.

Why can’t you just go out at the weekend and then he doesn’t have to take time off work.

When my DH was a teacher he covered most of the childcare during the holidays. If the kids were sick or had appointments I covered that as a 9-5 wfh I had the flexibility.

Yes it wasn’t always even but we were happy to work together to do what’s best for the kids. You can’t make things 50:50 all the time.

Now he is not a teacher it’s harder but we have to be organised and work together to cover childcare.

I absolutely agree most of the childcare should be mine. It’s that distinction between ‘most of’ and ‘all’ which I am making, I suppose. It’s also expensive when you have children to feed / entertain!