I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

She asked for opinions, if you can’t take them don’t ask at the end of the day.

Someone asking for opinions isn’t an invitation to be a dick.

@Banannanana they are not opinions, they are attacks.

’I think it’s unreasonable as to me, all annual leave should be spent as a family and I do think it’s better for the children that way’ - that’s an opinion, that’s fine.

‘Why did you even have kids if you don’t want to spend time with them’ - as well as being patently untrue, that’s also spiteful and deliberately cruel.

Which is fine. No one should begrudge anyone some personal time.
But to expect her DH to take AL to facilitate that is not fine. Especially when he works full time and she only works 2 days term time only.

This would be totally reasonable if it was my time to do as I wished, however it isn’t.

No I’m asking you a question.

You’ve said you work 2 days a week.

You’ve said DC is in nursery three days a week.

Can you clarify if that isn’t the case?

I already have. Last year they were both in nursery three days a week because I worked three days a week. This year, DS is in school and DD attends nursery two days a week because I work two days a week.

Ok, you said upthread they were in nursery three days a week - just wanted to clarify

Last year they were, yes. I reduced my working week from three days to two days due to ds being at school.

The fact you see being with your family as not doing what you wish is precisely the problem.

There’s mothers out there that would give their right arm to have the time with their children that you do, yet you see looking after them as “not doing what you wish”. Why have them if spending time with them isn’t what you wish to do?

Thats what people are calling you out for and is an absolute kick in the teeth to mothers who have to work when they wish they could stay home with your children.

Its coming across like you see them as a burden.

Hope you feel better being so unpleasant.

It’s an opinion, she asked for it I gave it. This is AIBU. It’s not unpleasant to give opinions to someone who’s asked for them.

5 weeks is very limited compared to your holidays. I think it’s quite selfish of you to ask him to take annual leave for you to meet friends (given he&/ only got 5 weeks). Surely you can find other solutions? A babysitter, a camp, your mother, another friend…?

YANBU and can’t believe people are saying otherwise! He takes time off in term time presumably to do his own thing. Why shouldn’t you also have a few days to do what you want? I think it’s reasonable for the bulk of the holidays to be covered by yourself but you’re entitled to a couple of days!

Why is it selfish of OP to want time to visit with friends and not selfish of her DH to do exactly the same thing?

Using a babysitter is presumably fine if they have one they trust, but takes money from the family budget which, like most families, they use their annual leave to try and minimise.

@Banannanana
What is wrong with you that you need to be so nasty?

Kids are a burden!! A lovely burden with plenty of joy attached, but they are called dependents for a reason.

If those mothers want more time with their children, they're welcome to retrain as teachers.

Imagine if the OP came on saying she was struggling with her mental health, that she never got a minute to herself. What would the advise be? What about SAHM? Should they never have a minute? Weekends are a red herring. Apart from still being a day , same as any other, weekends for her and pretty much everyone I know with young children are busy doing things for the children, it’s why it is so hard to meet friends these days. I’m not sure why I’m letting to wind me up so much as clearly a couple of posters are either on the wind up or misogynistic. Of course it’s important to have time and maintain friendships. Mothers are people too! Her partner clearly has some leave he can use as he had two weeks left last year. They will still have family time, but we don’t lose our identities completely when become parents.

Of course the solution is for OP’s mother to look after her children over their own father!
Some women’s standards are really rock bottom, no wonder they end up in such shit relationships when they think women deserve less than bare minimum.

Honestly, either on the windup or barking mad! It was getting under my skin a bit last night but now I’m just a bit ‘what the hell’ 😂

Let me guess are you a full time SAHM?

The thing is, even if you are then you will sometimes have to be away from the children. Despite what’s been painted here I am with my children and certainly my younger one more than just about anybody else I know; I’m very fortunate to be able to work part time and I also don’t have any family to help (which of course isn’t so fortunate)

But even if you don’t have any friends at all and you never indulge in something as base as a hairdressing appointment or any other type of personal care occasionally things will arise. I went to a funeral in October - I actually booked DD for an extra day in nursery for that as DH was away and really couldn’t get the time off which is fair enough but surely no one would say I didn’t want my two year old and don’t deserve her and some women would give anything to take her to a funeral … I don’t know, maybe they would

It gets more complicated with two as well. I remember going to a smear test with then toddler ds and I am going to one next month with toddler dd but I wouldn’t have gone to one last year with both of them, luckily it wasn’t due until around now. Anyway … some really disturbing posts here.

I’m 100% certain this poster has no children, she’s too out of touch with the realities imo.

I can’t imagine many SAHM’s arguing that a woman shouldn’t ever have a second away from her children or should be on her death bed regretting that time she got a full head of highlights and instead should have spent it with her children.

I don’t think she does, no

From one poster in particular I see! Ignore, or as they said 'learn from their comments'. And the learning is that some people are just massive dickheads!

When they're in seniors you'll have loads of free time to do what you want.