I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

No you have been unpleasant the evidence is there and I’m not the only poster to suggest this. You’re entitled to an opinion but you will get called out when you step over the line like you have here - for example, to imply she doesn’t put her children first, that’s nasty. It’s sad and pathetic really that you can’t give your opinion without resorting to being unkind.

But no friends because you haven’t seen them for 11 years !

Please don’t start this - I would like to think SAHM are not all the same and are certainly not like this.

lol at the idea you have to wait a minimum of eleven years to leave the house sans child

I do take a day off once or twice a year when friends who live far away or abroad are in town, or to go to an event or lecture with a local friend, and many of my friends with children do the same. Why not, if it’s something that doesn’t happen at any other time and can’t be postponed to evenings or weekends? Of course, I have to work out first whether we can cover the school holidays even after taking the time off, but this is admin, not a moral issue.

I think you need a frank discussion about what each of you expects from family life and what space there is for your own interests. At the moment you’re not working as a team, but this will have built up gradually, with assumptions being made by each of you that the other will not be aware of.

Why would they be?

That was my point, it felt like you were trying to start a SAHM versus working parent argument, apologies if that was not your intention, but it read that like - this seems to happen a lot on this forum all very depressing

Here’s an idea… you’re going to think it’s crazy. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND.

P.S it’s very strange that your husband only took 4 days at easter and four days in August last year as holiday and you were happy with him taking the rest off on his own. Does he want to see his children?… you sound like a ‘yes’ and then complain to everyone else type of woman, which will just lead you to resenting your husband in the long run. So TALK TO HIM NOT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET 👍

I work full time and use AL mostly for the kids and a family holiday. I see my friends in the evenings. When I was on mat leave I saw some friends more - but generally local “mum friends”.

OP needs to speak to her husband about sharing some of his days if that’s what she wants. As many of us have suggested.

OP have you chatted to him yet?? What is the solution?

@teacakeandsandwiches

I 100% agree with you! I'm a teacher too & when our kids were young, I felt SO aggrieved that all childcare for every single day of every single school holiday was down to me. Of course they're my kids & I chose the job etc etc (& my husband was a fully hands-on, fantastic dad) but I never got any time whatsoever to myself. In fact, worse than that, I often ended up looking after other kids too, via 'playdate' situations, thereby providing free childcare to other parents!!

I ended up having a blunt, honest conversation with my husband, started politely saying no to other people & booked my kids into various clubs etc that they loved, so that I could have the odd coffee date/gym trip/shopping day etc - it made me a much better mother/wife/human being in general, to have that time to myself!!

On the whole, the majority of my husband's holiday was taken at times for us to be together as a family but there were odd days where he'd just have a day or half a day off, to himself, which I didn't begrudge unless the balance between us was really off.

Be firm & hang in there!! I'm currently having a lovely chilled half term week to myself - teens are in & out with mates & husband is at work!! Life gives back, eventually!! 🤣

I struggle with evenings, between having work to do, kids activities and bedtime for a child with SEND plus being exhausted they are not a great option. Plus most of my friends are a little further away . Point is, different people have different stresses on their lives, nothing wrong with holidays being the best time to catch up with friends. People are being very quick to only think
about their own lives.

You’re right. Some people are quick to think about themselves. But this is a forum where people share stuff and answer questions!

I’ve already said pages ago I agree with OP. I agree that she needs some time alone. I agree her husband needs to share some AL and have his kids in the holidays a bit.

so if you’re referring to me - then nope - not just thinking of myself.

But there doesn’t seem to be a solution yet so am just following up.

I also find it hard in the evening and so it’s very rare. I’m shattered most the time too.

i guess how many weeks does her get off per year, how many weeks do you each get off per year, what hours a week/month/year do both of you work, who does the house chores mostly, is everything equal?

does he get a couple of days off child free as well?

how's the overall home/kids work dynamic? it all matters

You're ridiculous. How is very occasionally attending a hair appointment on a week day during the school holidays 'not wanting to raise your own kids'? OP has her kids pretty much solo during the 13 weeks of school holidays.

Her DH takes time off during term-time when his children and wife are at school . He is definitely more guilty of 'not wanting to raise his own kids' than OP but you aren't criticising him.

I’m starting to realise that the answer to any question on MN in which the OP is a teacher is yes, yes you are being unreasonable. And ungrateful and unappreciative of your easy life that many people would kill to enjoy. Many people who, strangely, opt not to retrain as a teacher in order to enjoy these endless perks. Oh and you probably hate kids too. Honest to god.

OP, I’m obviously being sarcastic and I’m sorry you’ve taken such a pummelling for a perfectly reasonable question. I suggest you book a lovely weekend away soon.

If he’s taking some of his annual leave in term time (as you’ve said he is) then he should equally be taking some time off so that you can have child free days. You should both have equal opportunity to have time to yourselves.

The rest of his annual leave I’d expect to be taken to have time as a family - over and above you each having equal childfree time I mean.

I find this really odd as my Mum was a SAHM but by dad took all his annual leave during school hols to have time all together - he was such a non hands on dad (in terms of the hard stuff), but even he thought all his a/l was for family time - absolutely zero days off taken him term time (he had five weeks and would take one week at Christmas and Easter, and three in the summer holidays - two of which were spent having a family holiday)

I find this really odd as my Mum was a SAHM but by dad took all his annual leave during school hols to have time all together - he was such a non hands on dad (in terms of the hard stuff), but even he thought all his a/l was for family time - absolutely zero days off taken him term time (he had five weeks and would take one week at Christmas and Easter, and three in the summer holidays - two of which were spent having a family holiday)

Quite, but the OP doesn't want this, she doesn't want him getting under her feet and annoying her by having lots of family time. It's a very odd set up from both of them tbh.

I love my family, my favourite thing to do is spend time with them. It’s really not odd to want to spend time with other people too. I think it’s pretty healthy. I also really need time alone. It’s definitely been the thing I find hardest since having a family, finding any time when no one wants anything from me. When I can just have some silence. No issue if other people don’t need this but I have learnt how much I do. It’s tough building in time so I think whatever works for each family. I have sacrificed so much for my family, I think it’s absolutely fine and healthy to ask for the odd bit of time for me.

My work would not be happy at all if I had to take 3 days off at last minute to look after a sick child. It is supposed to be we can take one day to make arrangements. I’m not sure what arrangements can be made for a vomiting child though! I don’t know how people do it without when both are working, I know lots do though

Thankfully DH & I can both work from home, as we have bo family nearby to help.

We tag-team so I'll take a day off and then he'll take a day off. We try to cover eachother if we have important meetings etc and I work alot late at night when kids are in bed. But it's mayhem... and I can't imagine what we'd do if we had jobs like teacher etc where it's hard to call in sick last minute.

Why would someone be on a sub called MUMSnet without children lmao?

I’m sorry your children are such a burden to you that you think people who want to spend time with theirs must be lying.

Not a SAHM either. But during my time off I raise my kids instead of doing what I want.

I do not believe anyone that has actually raised children would state that on a woman’s deathbed she would regret going to the hairdresser for an annual hair cut when it meant 2hrs away from her kids.