I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

And the idea of spending your time off on your own (speaking about both you and your partner here) rather than as a family is alien to me.

Why have kids if you don’t want to spend your time off with them? Will you look back when they’re grown and be glad you had that haircut? Seriously, where does the family time fit in if he’s taking AL to do his own thing and you’re taking AL to do your own thing?

How much time do the kids actually get to spend with both parents together?

He sounds worse than you with the two weeks off in term time so I’m not solely blaming you. But maybe rethink how much time the kids actually get to spend with their family.

Again with this reference to not raising children because you want a tiny amount of independent time. The OP is with her children a minimum of 4 days a week, plus all the morning and evenings and the 12 week holidays. Spending 2 days doing her own thing hardly equates to she shouldn’t have had children!

2 blocks of 3 hours alone since last JULY!!! Hardly missing out on weeks of family time.

I book mine into holiday clubs for a week in the summer. Worth every penny!

I see loads of my kids as a teacher, pick them up by 430 every day and get the evening with them. Weekends and holidays too. They aren't deprived of time with me!

I don’t think a single normal adjusted person is looking back on their life and thinking “I wish I never got my hair cut and instead spent every single breathing second with my children” basic personal care is a completely normal thing to do.

Is your boyfriend your children’s father? It’s hardly relevant that your boyfriend would laugh in your face. Who on earth would expect their partner to take a toddler and young child along to a hair cut?
Perhaps someone not committed to you enough to marry you but a decent husband also prioritises his wife some time outside the children.

But I don't get why that's not what weekends are for? Our weekends were a mix, but often one of us would be in charge of the kids for all or part of a Saturday while the other did either unglamorous things (eg the Screwfix example, or DH marking/me working), or more fun things (eg going to the hairdresser, clothes shopping, watching the rugby in the pub with mates), and Sundays tended to be just family time, or visiting parents/in laws as a family. I'm not saying that's the right way to do it, but not taking AL to do those things doesn't mean you have to be with your children 24/7, unless there's a specific reason why weekends are off limits.

@tangram it’s fine, it works for you. It wouldn’t for us at this time. I’ve seen this before - the sort of ‘well Saturday morning is your shift then I have Saturday afternoon off’, it would feel very regimented to me but we’re all different. No issue if it works for you. But it wouldn’t for us.

Trying to find a weekend that both me and my friends can do with our children’s schedules is close to impossible. School
jolidays are just often easier. I’m not judging anyone that finds weekends easier so why is it a problem for school holiday to be easier? We just have more down time then. Life is frantic is term time, including weekends. I also know this is a me problem, but I feel less guilty spending a few hours away from the kids in the holiday because I am generally spending more time with them!

This pretty much sums up what it’s like for us as well. I’m surprised how strongly some feel about it. I don’t know if some just read the title and maybe thought I was insisting DH did 50/50 of the childcare despite obviously having much less holiday but of course it’s not like that at all.

@teacakeandsandwiches it was never regimented, as every weekend was different, and there was certainly never any 'counting the hours off' to make sure we both got the same - more an on the day give and take of 'can you do the swimming run today as I've got marking', or 'is it ok if I go clothes shopping/watch the Six Nations with X this afternoon'? It was never something we planned out or argued about. But totally get that that might not work for you on weekends, in which case AL in the holidays sounds like the way forward. I just really valued those stay at home family weeks that it's hard to get (in addition to actual holidays away) as a family unless one or both of you teaches or is term time only, so I would always try to put other stuff on weekends to maximise that time. But we are all different, as you say, and what works for one family won't work for another!

I think it worked for you @tangram ; it wouldn’t have for us. That’s really all that anyone needs to say I guess. I’m not suggesting your approach is wrong but mine isn’t either.

So OP has your DH booked off the leave for you?

With respect, if she’s a teacher, she’s likely (through no fault of her own) not massively present with them on weekends and definitely not all morning and evening. Teachers don’t leave at 3 and arrive at 8 like the kids. I taught for 5 years before giving it up for a better work life balance and grew up with both parents as teachers, I know what I’m talking about.

Thats why having the holidays off to actually be present with your children is so important in teaching, you don’t really have the time or mental energy to be there fully in term time. And the kids will notice that if she’s not then fully present in school holidays.

Fair enough that’s an extreme example I gave, but my point is if his AL is his time (2 weeks in term time to do his own thing is a joke) and her AL is her time for him to have the kids, where’s the time for all of them to be together and the kids to have mum and dad with them?

Yes she has lots of time with them on her own in school holidays, but where is the family time? His time off should be for that and both parents are to blame if that’s not happening. If you don’t want to spend time all of you as a family, why not just be single parents?

I think OP is yet to tell me where the family time is coming from.

I think the main thing is that you both get equal time off.

She's said she not bothered by it, that they don't need to be joined at the hip, that she doesn't need more of it and they'd be all under eachothers feet annoying eachother. She can't remember whether they took leave as a couple before kids either.

It's all really alien to me.

Of course he should be taking most of his leave in the holidays, but I'm not sure the OP would think there's any point, or prefer it...

@Banannanana With respect, if she’s a teacher, she’s likely (through no fault of her own) not massively present with them on weekends and definitely not all morning and evening I think this is just a case of trying to make a certain narrative fit.

Why on earth wouldn’t I be present with them all morning and evening and at weekends? Workload in teaching is demanding certainly but not that demanding; besides, I’ve been doing it a long time and I’m certainly capable of spending time with my children at weekends and catching up with work when they’re in bed. Being part time helps with that, of course.

Your posts are actually really upsetting. It’s one thing to disagree with someone but to ask why they even bothered to have children is crossing the line.

I am part time and I have been since I went back to work after having ds. I went back three days a week and remained at three days until this year, when I cut right back to two in order to do the majority of DS’s drop offs and pick ups. For the remaining three days I have DD(2). Obviously this is lovely but comes at a cost - a literal cost (I earn a lot less) and a cost in terms of time with adults, career advancement (not that I’m particularly bothered about that, but still) and so on.

So for five days out of seven a week I am with my children, and on the two I work it’s still a relatively short working day. Then school holidays. But because on this holiday - not the Christmas one and not the October half term either but this one - I have seen friends yesterday afternoon and will do so again tomorrow - you are questioning my commitment and my love for my children.

That is an awful thing to do and hurtful in the extreme. Would you question a woman who works full time? Or one who could teach but hated it so did something different that didn’t allow her time in the holidays? Both stances would be similarly illogical.

Do you even have children? Your responses are odd; spiteful and immature and I don’t appreciate the contribution at all.

I think OP is yet to tell me where the family time is coming from

I think I have. I have explained in a fair amount of detail that last year we had three holidays but since two of them straddled bank holidays they did not particularly eat into DHs annual leave.

But I am not obliged to answer you, or @Babyboomtastic who I believe are both posted not to contribute to a discussion which is fine, even a robust one, but I have a very low tolerance for spiteful, snide posts, especially when two posters with similar agendas start to talk ‘to’ one another in the way you two are.

What do you think those of us who aren’t teachers do? Do you think we are booking annual leave when the kids are at school to see friends? I don’t know anyone who does this so we are also at work or with the kids it’s not just you we just have a lot less holidays and see our friends in the evening/with the kids/at weekend. If my husband was off in the holidays and wanted me to book AL so he could go out with his mates midweek I’d be livid

You work 2 days a week. So 78 days a year (term time 39 weeks for a state-school teacher). And expect DH to use one of his 25 days off so you can get a haircut and socialise.

That's even more U than I thought initially.

What do you think those of us who aren’t teachers do?

Did you miss her husband takes 2 weeks off during term time with no kids around?

Anyway OP, you've had a battering for no good reason. I'm a FT teacher and feel no guilt whatsoever over working and providing for my family. Some people are dicks, but you're not one of them!

OP is still working while she’s taking care of a toddler the rest of the week ✌️

Did you miss the part where I have a two year old on these days?

@Happytaytos i think DH has had an unfair battering for that on this thread. I’ve tried to explain it wasn’t done on purpose so much as we got to the end of the year and he had quite a lot of leave still left. On balance he does have more downtime than me at the moment, but I won’t be teaching full time when both children are at school so I see it as a trade off. And when that happens I will have a bit more time. At the moment though, I just don’t. I am either teaching or have small children with me, which doesn’t leave much time for anything else.

@Greypanda86 i think we’ve established that non teachers and teachers too spend every waking second of their annual leave with their children. Absolutely no one ever books a day off for a medical appointment or for personal reasons. This is contradictory to what I see in my RL, but on MN, indeed it is the case.