I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

Exactly, I was raised by a single father and even he has commented how much praise he received for raising me... that does not happen to single mothers in the same way

But when people have mentioned this and suggested a solution she doesn’t want that to change. So whilst I agree she should expect some child free days this doesn’t mean that taking 2 of those days in short time in a half term break is also fair, she can by all means rightly expect time off on the weekends & maybe a couple of sporadic days in holidays, but to want 2 days so close together where there is already a massive holiday discrepancy. Sorry but I think that is unfair.

Why is it unfair?

If she has all of the next holiday with the kids, why is 2 days in one week unfair?

If the OP was male this thread would be so different.

5 weeks would not cover school holidays in there entirety! All told schools are off around 10 weeks. You should cover and use holiday clubs. Keep his holiday for when you all holiday together.

The fact that you think it’s unfair for a man to use 2 days of annual leave to give his wife a break but not unfair for him to use 60% of his own annual leave on his own activities is just insanely misogynistic. It’s weird the only “solution” is apparently for a woman to arrange and pay for paid for formal childcare instead if their other parent looking after them.
The 2 days being unreasonable because it’s February is also totally misguided and irrelevant, she’s not asking for 2 days after month, the fact that it’s February isn’t relevant and doesn’t stop the DH from managing his annual leave through the year. He’s also not short on annual leave given he regularly gets to the end of the year and has 2 weeks unused.

Weekends for us are busy with clubs, parties , I usually have to do at least half a days work, and then try to find a weekend where the person I want to meet is also free as they have the same issues . Plus I find at the weekend when the kids haven’t seen me in the week they need to spend more time with me than in the holidays when they have spent lots of time with me. I tend to do all my socialising in the holidays, weekends are family time. We all love our families but we all deserve time to have our own identity too. Her husband gets it, why can’t she?

I’ve already stated she’s entitled to have child free time. But I do think the month is relevant when taking 8% of his holiday. It’s just been Christmas where a break most certainly was taken & Feb being such a crap month. Also the lunch with a mate that can easily be arranged on a weekend or evening. Isnt time people take off to actually do with their actual mates. As for the child free holiday time he takes off. Thats something she’s more than happy to carry on as she doesn’t particularly want him around more than he is. She’s also part time & had these holidays child free for 20 years prior to kids. As I said she’s right to expect his annual leave to sometimes give her break but twice in a week isn’t fair. She has holidays in march, may & 6-7 weeks in the summer and the October. A fairer and more reasonable request that she uses the 1 day to see her NI friends and the other break during another holiday. Swings and roundabouts spring to mind. Would it be unreasonable for him to begrudge her extra time to herself in those years? Yes it would. He can’t possibly even up the childcare responsibilities so whilst I think he should give her break I do think he can question the validity of the lunch meet up. He’s taken a day for maybe a 2 hour activity.

No, it can’t easily be arranged for an evening or weekend.

Thanks @Italiandreams . We are similar.

I have no idea why people are complaining about three days in nursery being a luxury.

1. one is no longer in nursery
2. its only because that’s when I work.
3. it cost around £1200 a month!

I haven't complained, it is a luxury though! Many teachers have a term time contract to avoid paying for the holidays. I know some nurseries don't offer this. The time alone is the luxury part, even if you did have to pay!

Are holiday clubs available for the other one if your DH doesn't want to take time off? I don't think yabu at all though!

Surely it’s a massive perk of the job? I’m an academic so I don’t get half terms off but I do have Christmas, Easter and a large chunk of summer ‘off’ (though it isn’t really- I have MA and PhD supervisees, my own research and conferences still over summer). I wouldn’t expect DH to use his annual leave up if I was at home. As a PP mentioned, if you’re wanting some alone time then maybe get them into a holiday camp for a couple of days.

So does that mean he has to use his AL to look after the kids whilst you use yours for fun time? That’s not fair.

Thats the good part of teaching, that you don’t have to arrange holiday childcare. He can use his leave whilst you’re off too and all spend time as a family, I wouldn’t expect him to be using it for fun time when you’re all at school, but this is just being a parent tbh.

This thread is just going to fill up. Yes, totally. Every school holiday I go off on a jolly with poor DH meekly minding the children in his precious annual leave.

It is two half days he’s taken, so in the six and a half months that have passed since ds left nursery (his last day was 30th July, if anyone is interested) I have had one hair appointment, one lunch with friends and one meeting a friend from NI (well, that’s tomorrow) sans children - I don’t think that’s excessive.

Did you even read a single comment of OPs? What part of this makes you think he uses all his AL to look after the kids and she uses all hers for fun??

WTF can you not read?

I think it’s fair to say that the OP and her DH have an unusual approach to the use of annual leave.

OP you are in no way excessive!! People are ridiculous when it comes to teachers and holidays.

I stand by what I said, if she’s home she can be a parent and he can use his leave to also be a parent and all spend time as a family. The hair appointments and lunches shouldn’t be a priority over the childcare and family time. So his leave should be taken when she’s also on leave and they can do family things. Since he works more she does more childcare.

The hair appointments and lunches can be arranged at times when he’s not working, he shouldn’t have to use the limited AL he has compared to yours to allow you a jolly up but neither should his leave be used for a jolly up, that’s family time.

Thats the reality of teaching and parenting, your kids are off when you are.

Indeed, so no one can ever get their hair done or go out to lunch until their youngest is around ten. Got it 👍🏻

So she can never do anything alone again? This is truly bonkers.

I think you're getting a really hard time here. So during term time you are teaching other peoples kids, in half term and term holidays you are minding your own. When does that give you 'you' time. Its not the end of the world for him to use some of his leave towards letting you have a break.

Don’t have kids if you don’t want to raise them. It’s about priorities.

I said you could do that when he’s not booked into work, his actual leave is for family time. He’s not booked every day except when he’s on leave is he?

So say he has a Saturday off, then you can have a hair appointment. When he’s booked time off that’s for the family.

If you expect his time off to be him alone with the kids so you can do your own thing when do you all have time as a family?

Teachers holidays as a parent mean you’re off with your kids, surely you knew that before you had them? There’s parents who would love to have that time off with their kids.

That’s just teaching unfortunately, you are never kid free.

You are if you have a remotely normal and caring partner.

There’s parents who would love to have that time off with their kids.

Not the OPs problem,they're welcome to become teachers.

@Banannanana Why is the husband allowed days off in term time alone then if annual leave is "family time"?

So having 2 single days to yourself since September, when her dh had comparatively had 10 means OP doesn’t want to raise her own children?!

The mummy martyrdom isn’t cute.