I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

As I said, if he’s off on a Saturday then she can be kid free for a few hours.

But the booked time should be for the family. When else would they get time all together?

Not sure why OP would prefer a lunch or hair appointment than to spend time all together as a family.

The hairdressers will be there in ten years, the kids who want to be with mum and dad won’t.

But the booked time should be for the family. When else would they get time all together?

This logic ain't logicing.

What's the difference between her going on a Saturday or a weekday? They could do the family time on the Saturday....

No, that's a ridiculous assertion.

You are being rediculous here. No one in their right mind is going to book a days AL so their wife can get a haircut fgs. You do it at the weekend like every other working parent.

Why shouldn't they book a days AL if they get 2 weeks of AL when the kids are in school?

This thread is truly crazy.

There is materially no difference to doing something on an annual leave day vs a weekend day, it’s not more of less frivolous. The only relevant factor is that OP’s husband has weeks of free time that he uses for his benefit only, without considering his family, and OP wants 2 days for herself in return.

It’s so weird that some posters actually think three hours out with friends is ‘not raising your kids’ I mean, what 😂

you do it at the weekend

If that works for you. It’s actually a lot easier here to have this time in holidays. @Italiandreams explained why above but again

1. weekends are quite busy, the children have activities they’d have to miss if I did this and one of them is often invited to a party
2. weekends tend to be busy for other people too, so it isn’t always possible
3. the children see me every single day in school holidays, it’s nice for them to have a break as well as me
4. there is no tangible difference between a Saturday and a Thursday in a school holiday.

I can see that if I was demanding DH took all his annual leave for me to do ‘fun’ activities that’s not fair but I’m literally asking for th odd half day here or there. I can’t believe some people would begrudge their partners this tbh - and I’m accused of not liking DH!

Of course there's a difference! At the Weekend, the DH will presumably be at home anyway. Its a haircut! It can wait till the weekend. No sane person would use up a days AL for their partner to get a haircut.

It sounds like their children are young but in the next couple of years, all the DHs AL will be taken up with children/home stuff during term-time with a couple of weeks shared holiday time. Teachers have to do all the holiday childcare because the partners of teachers have to use their AL on school plays/sports days/Drs appointments/household repair visits/deliveries/inset days etc.

5 week AL = 25 days.
10 days in the summer for a family holiday.
5x Inset days
Probably a few days over Christmas.
2x sports days, 2x nativities, 2x class assemblies or similar
That's all 25 days AL all gone!

He doesn’t take days off for pretty much any of that though, and it’s very normal for people to book annual leave to have a day to themselves. You live in a different world.

It sounds like their children are young but in the next couple of years, all the DHs AL will be taken up with children/home stuff during term-time with a couple of weeks shared holiday time.

He had 2 weeks off in term time home alone last year!!

Not every parent goes to sports days and nativities, let alone use a whole day of AL for the. You live in a different reality.

But she should be able to be kid free, her children have a father who could reasonable take on some of the responsibility...

There isn’t any real need for Dh to take weeks off for child related stuff. If they were unwell a lot then maybe (although even then if it fell on a non working day for me of course I would do it.)

Besides, DHS role is a bit more flexible than mine is. He works away a lot but if he isn’t away, while they are expected to go into the office three days a week this expectation can be waived in the instance of unwell children etc.

Anyway, it’s interesting. I guess we’re all different as I actually wouldn’t go off on a Saturday unless I really had no alternative. I’m not saying it’s wrong to do so, just that for me to do that now, with how our weekends generally are, would be a bit selfish.

In our marriage, DH is the teacher. Yes, he used to do all of the holiday cover when the kids were primary age. Tbh it wouldn't have occurred to us to do anything else. The only time I would have taken a day's annual leave in the holidays would be for him to do something really specific that couldn't be done at another time (like a day course or something). But I would never have taken Al so he could chill out and go to the barber. He'd do that sort of thing at the weekends, when I'd take the kids more. When I took AL, it was almost always in school holidays so that we could spend time together as a family (unless, again, there was something very specific I needed to do in term time - highly unusual - or to cover child illness etc).

But the three hours out should fit around the kids/childcare OP, not the kids fit around your time out. If it works out great, if not the kids have to be a priority.

What people are saying by not raising your kids is you’re making them fit around you, rather than you fitting around them.

Unfortunately that’s being a parent, you have to sacrifice stuff you want to do at times or work out an alternative date if it doesn’t work with childcare.

Thank you! Exactly this. I’m wondering where the time together as a whole family is if his AL is spent doing childcare so she can do her own thing. Different if it was like a wedding or something really special and specific to a date, but to do something that could be fitted in at any time?

Surely the limited time as a whole family together should take priority over a few hours out?

I don’t know what OP expected to happen childcare wise during school holidays, surely every teacher knows one of the perks of it is getting to be off with your kids? Again, so many parents would give their right arm to have that much time with their kids and to be able to use their partners AL to have whole family time rather than doing two weeks off each separately to cover childcare, yet OP doesn’t seem grateful for the setup at all.

Hence why I said "in the next couple of years".

As the partner of a teacher, he is likely doing a lot more at the weekends for the children/home so it balances out.

I cannot believe anyone would actually waste a days AL so their partner can get a haircut. That's not 'living in a different reality', it's just common sense. No one would do that.

Why can 3 hours not be based around the OP? It’s not doing to do children any harm if 3 hours of their year their mother is doing something else.

Being a parent has got nothing to do with getting your hair done or going to lunch with a friend. You do not need to centre your children 24 hours a day 365 days a year, it doesn’t make you a good mother, in fact it probably makes you a bad one.

Telling someone they aren’t raising their children because they want to do something for themselves one afternoon during the school holidays is not only mental but actually just a nasty comment.

@Babyboomtastic@Banannanana

Did you miss the part where the DH took 2 weeks off AL during term time ?!

The time together happens at weekends and the other school holiday days. Can you not see that 3 hours on a Saturday is the same as 3 hours on a Thursday?

I can't believe some of the responses!!

If my boyfriend told me to take annual leave so he could get a haircut I’d laugh in his face. If you need one that desperately take the kids with you, if it’s just for vanity reasons it can wait.

My DH has literally done that though. It's easier to get an appointment mid week, so he had the afternoon off work with the kids while I went for a haircut. What's the problem?

I also went for a coffee alone in the same afternoon. It was bliss!!

The partner shouldn’t be taking AL during term time either, I’ll give you that. Also ridiculous and selfish. In fact even more so.

Whens the family time then? Sounds like neither parent is prioritising it. We get so little time with our kids in the grand scheme of things, why have them if you don’t want that time?

Sounds like a whole rethink of the family priorities is needed here.

I’m still not understanding in the slightest why this urgent need will become pressing in the next couple of years, but from this post it does sound as if you have just invented what our family life is like.

@Banannanana DH frequently nips out at the weekend for haircuts and the like. Obviously mine takes a lot longer but it much less frequent. I think the idea of laughing in someone’s face (seriously?) so they can do something that isn’t possible to do with children in tow is so alien to me I might as well be on another planet.

The partner shouldn’t be taking AL during term time either, I’ll give you that

We will have this conversation later.

’Darling, in future, all annual leave must only be taken in school holidays and be spent glued to my side and the childrens. You may not get your hair cut, go to screw fix, meet your friends or see your brother in this time. It is family time only. If you wish to do any of those things, only Saturdays are now acceptable. I hope this is clear. What, oh? Someone from MN says so.’