To not understand how DH does it re: friends

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DH isn’t overly sociable; he’s probably what you’d describe as normal. He’s not a wallflower, likewise he’s not someone who holds court or the loudest person in the room. He has a good group of friends, as do I, although I’m always open to meeting new people.

I’ve been attending gymnastics lessons with DD for over a year and my relationship with the other parents hasn’t gone beyond pleasantries and a bit of small talk.

DH took DD this week as I had to swap my day off at work. He knows three of the other parents by name, knows their jobs and family details, has swapped numbers with two of the dads , and went for a coffee with them and the kids after the class. They invited him.

Similarly, DH takes DD to swimming lessons every week. He’s befriended one of the dads without even trying, and is going for a beer with him in a few weeks.

Just before Christmas DH and his old home town group of friends were out for a Christmas drink. They bumped into someone they knew 30 years ago, got chatting and now that person is invited to the next meet up and the weekend away to the Lakes they have planned later in the year.

Does DH have some kind of magic touch? Or at male friendships just a bit easier? He genuinely doesn’t try - he just seems to fall
into these situations.

Any views?

Male friendships are very different.

I don’t know but what a wonderful world it would be if we were all like this

It sounds like he is more sociable with others when you're not present. His attention is on you when you're there.

My OH would say that this is me and that I have more friends than I know what to do with.
I’m just interested in people and happily strike up a conversation. People open up to me and next thing I know, we’re going for coffee, a drink, lunch. Sometimes people get very clingy though, I’ve had a couple of single white female moments.

I think men seem to seek solidarity. Like oh another bloke, maybe he'd like a pint kind of thing.women a little more guarded maybe.Also poor Mum probably wondering what to do for tea tonight.!

Not wanting to enforce stereotypes but guys can become best friends with each other simply cause they both are wearing the same shirt at the same time..
I wish more women were like this, cause when I try it I just get blank stares or thought of as weird by women or the guys think I'm chatting them up 😅

My DH is the same...makes friends in every job he has ..then he will end up making friends with their mates and randomly going to the pub etc.

I think it's the nature of male friendships...its easier. They don't tend to analyse every single word, gesture and comment in the way women do.

It sounds like you’re just not as friendly as him. In a whole year you’ve never attempted deeper conversations at the class nor arranged anything outside so why should it all be on the other person?

Sounds to me like he suggests things, and is open to meeting up, and easy going, I think many females can be much more guarded than men, in terms of friendships.

they would over analyse why they were asked, maybe stress about who else was there, and a whole host of other things.

men just don’t over think it.

Same here, I love a natter with anyone and have always made friends easily. I guess I’ve always assumed people want to talk to me and I’d say they do the majority of the time.

From posts on here though, lots of people seem to expect others to make the effort to include them, I never wait to be included and it works for me 😂

I have way more friends than my DH, so I would say no, not all men make friends easily.

He sounds much more sociable and chatty than you.

It's not a male/female thing, I know people of both sexes who are like him.

my relationship with the other parents hasn’t gone beyond pleasantries and a bit of small talk.

I bet if you compare, your DH’s new friendships aren't much beyond that when they arrange to do drinks etc.

My DH has people he’s been friends with for years (days out, evenings out, holidays) who he knows less about than I do the nice woman who occasionally next to me in the office.

That’s not to say that men don’t have deep and complex relationships but I think they maybe don’t need as much of a start before organising a social event.

I have also observed that men in “mostly Mums” situations like dance pick ups, tend to bond together.

My dad and I are similar, and struggle to connect with new people. But I know men and women at work who make new friends every day. I wish I could.

Obviously talks to them and asks them about themselves

I probably am like your dh. My dh has lovely loyal friends but he doesn't get to know other parents in the situations you describe.

I just bought a coat in a shop and after one visit i know about a death in the family of the sales assistant, I know where she came from, how many children she has and what they are doing with their lives. She seemed open to chat so when I said something about my life, what I wanted the coat for, she told me something and I asked a leading question..then we had a lovely chat.

I decided long ago to never wait for the other person take control, I will be the first to speak and see how it goes. There were times it was difficult but it gets easier and I'm better at it. I would say I'm very confident socially but that wasn't always the case. I used to find men easier to banter with but now I find women are too, I also find women over 40 or 50 more open than under 40. Obviously I'm totally generalising here. I think many people are lazy socially, expecting someone else to put themselves out there and start the conversation but never prepared to do it themselves.

I also benefit from being ordinary looking but with a pleasant face and I think it helps, children smile at me instinctively so I guess I give good vibes, totally unconsciously. If you don't have that approachable look I think it's important to consciously smile more if you want people to interact with you

He sounds pretty sociable and confident to me. Some people are just more ‘open’ to meeting new people and making small talk.

When we left our antenatal classes, the women had a WhatsApp group set up within two minutes. It was over two years before the dads had a group, and it contains a random mate of the bloke who set it up.

I'm pretty good at engineering myself into groups though. Just a cheery "sounds great, I'd love to come" or "do you fancy a coffee?" at whenever an appropriate opportunity comes up, usually including the kids first.

I'm just a bit shameless when it comes to meeting parents of my son's friends, and I'm also pretty open handed - always have double snacks for the kids and will get a drink from the cafe or bar etc.

I think it’s this.

I’m always open to meeting new people and have tried really hard to talk to others when we’re at classes. A passing comment to a woman in a coffee shop has led to us meeting up 3 times. I try and be friendly in all my interactions!

Our current 1/2 term plans include

days out with parents I met at a nursery event when our kids were 2- they are now 9 go to seperate schools but we’ve kept in touch

every summer we go to a sporting event with parents who we met through our kids clubs,

my son started MMA a few months back, while I haven’t yet been invited into the social circle - my kids a bit younger than there’s I know names, jobs etc of the a few of the other mums who are there at the same time:

my husband had a regular card game going with men he met though our kids football and we have been away for weekends etc with them!!

we are just chatty people

I'm like your DH. I just strike up friendships wherever I go and always have lots of invites to places. I'm just a chatty person and tend to remember things people ask me. Seems to make a difference

OH is a more slow burner had gathered a nice amount of friends over the years. He would be slower to arrange social meet ups but is way more extrovert than me!

My female neighbour is like this I've lived here 9 years longer than her yet she knows the names of virtually everyone and has their phone numbers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my number or gone beyond pleasantries- no coffee invitations etc.

I've no idea how she's able to do this but I'm not.

It’s a mixture of things. Dads are quite lonely, they like to meet up, they know their partners will look after the DCs so they can be social. The majority of mums meet up with their kids in tow, dads hardly ever do.