To not understand how DH does it re: friends

[Yorkieboost]

DH isn’t overly sociable; he’s probably what you’d describe as normal. He’s not a wallflower, likewise he’s not someone who holds court or the loudest person in the room. He has a good group of friends, as do I, although I’m always open to meeting new people.

I’ve been attending gymnastics lessons with DD for over a year and my relationship with the other parents hasn’t gone beyond pleasantries and a bit of small talk.

DH took DD this week as I had to swap my day off at work. He knows three of the other parents by name, knows their jobs and family details, has swapped numbers with two of the dads , and went for a coffee with them and the kids after the class. They invited him.

Similarly, DH takes DD to swimming lessons every week. He’s befriended one of the dads without even trying, and is going for a beer with him in a few weeks.

Just before Christmas DH and his old home town group of friends were out for a Christmas drink. They bumped into someone they knew 30 years ago, got chatting and now that person is invited to the next meet up and the weekend away to the Lakes they have planned later in the year.

Does DH have some kind of magic touch? Or at male friendships just a bit easier? He genuinely doesn’t try - he just seems to fall
into these situations.

Any views?

@FinallyHere Yes I think that's probably the case. I wonder how many people would have offered her their number first. I'm on friendly enough terms with most of the neighbours and we'd give each other lifts etc if needed.

My OH finds this neighbour annoying as he says she's too nosey and doesn't want any more than the basic interaction with her. The weird thing is that trying to talk to her husband is like getting blood out of a stone. Poor man - I think he's not had the chance to have social skills because she takes over,.

It’s the opposite round here, the dads in the playground all avoid each other and stand alone whereas the mums gravitate to each other.

It takes more than just pleasantries and small talk to develop a friendship. It sounds like you're not aiming to move beyond that. 'pleasantries and small talk' is what I do with people I see out on a dogwalk but I definitely don't want to be their mate. If you're looking for deeper connection, you need to put a bit of effort in.

With my dh I find it’s because he has a lot more hobbies than me, and more sociable hobbies. So I can be like “oh are you reading anything good?” But that doesn’t really lead to an invite to go and read together 😂 but DH can sniff out a man in a legend of Zelda T-shirt like a bloodhound and the two of them will be booked in for computer games or warhammer or magic the gathering by the end of the evening! Get some social hobbies, is my advice if you want to collect friends.

I’m a bit like this. Collect friends every where I go and I don’t really want to but it always happens. I can’t help asking lots of questions and getting super interested in everyone I meet and laughing a lot and I think maybe that’s it - always very interested in their stories.

This is what my partner is like, he can talk to anyone and hes found loads of mates in random situations, whereas me I'm awkward AF and didnt even make one proper mum friend whilst my kids were in primary school.

Because it is a known fact that women more often carry the lions share of these responsibilities. There are also significantly more single mothers than single fathers means they have 100% of the load. So it's really not a huge leap for that poster to have made. It may not work that way in your life or in your friends lives but it does happen on population level so of course it has impact.

@Lavender14

true. It needs changing doesn’t it. It’s really not fair. Fuck the patriarchy!