DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

No I know. I've voted on threads and not left comments before, but this seems SO different, that's all.

My DH would never do this, and neither would any of my friends/family, ans I qouldnt do this to someone. They wouldn't just up and leave the restaurant without telling me whilst I was in the toilet!

Yes waiting in a car whilst someone goes to the toilet is normal, but there would be a quick "meet you outside" before hand. To just walk off while someone is in the toilet is rude. Especially to just leave without saying goodbye.

It's normal if something said beforehand.

Its absolutely not normal for someone leave a table of people sat down without their coats on to go the toilet, and then for all those people to up and leave without a word. Including just driving off without saying goodbye to a party member.

Would you genuinely go from being sat down no coat on, to in your car without saying anything, whilst someone was in the toilet? Would you genuinely not say goodbye to your pregnant DIL?

I think you have accept other people have different views to you and when that occurs it doesn’t give you the right to take offense or become rude

I'm guessing at the time, being pregnant and therefore probably highly sensitive and it's turned in to a traumatic core memory that you can't let go.
I have to be honest and say this wouldn't be something I'd give a second thought to but I can understand how being pregnant and vulnerable you felt upset.
Curious as to why you're still so upset now. I don't know how long ago it was. Is your baby still young? Maybe some post natal depression going on here?

So how long has this been bugging you ? I agree it’s rude, although it wouldn’t really bother me, but it’s really odd if this has been on your mind for longer than a day or so (or even a few hours TBH).

I think it would be more embarrassing if they waited! I would feel as if everyone was hoping I had gone for a wee not a poo and would not be long. Seeing as you took so long maybe it was the latter, you must have been gone quite a while if they all put their coats on and then left!

I’m really shocked at some of these replies.

I can totally understand if they didn’t want to hang around like spare parts while staff were trying to get the table cleared and re-set, so I’d have had no issues with them asking your DH to pass on their goodbyes to you and making their way home. I could also accept DH saying that he’d meet me back at the car, although it’s not something that would impress me much. But if my DH wandered off to go and sit in the car park without so much as a backward glance, I’d be really pissed off. It’s really fucking rude. I can’t imagine friends doing this to each other, so it’s certainly not something I’d accept from someone who is supposed to love me.

To everyone who is saying that this wouldn’t even register as an issue for them, would you do that to a friend? If you’d arranged to give them a lift home after a meal, would you just leave while they were in the loo and wait in your car?

I think it's weird. Not sure why they wouldn't wait for you.

Also, where was the car parked? Just outside the restaurant or nearby?

If I was with others who wanted to get off, sure I’d walk out with them and wait in the car.

I'd be quite chuffed that he'd gone out and started scraping the car / getting the windscreen cleared whilst I was still in the warm.

I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

But I can't understand why you didn't know where the car was Did you dh jump in then move it from where you'd parked when you arrived ? Like a game of hide and seek ?

And you’d do that to a good friend? 😳

This post is certainly highlighting some differences!

It's still rude to leave without saying goodbye. And if she'd been in there for so long that they felt they couldn't wait someone really should have checked in on her before they all departed to make sure she was ok in there. She's 8 months pregnant after all!

You are assuming that the car is parked just outside.

The OP hasn't said that's the case.

OP. I am worried are you still in the carpark as you jave not told us where you found DH?

Where else would the restaurant car park be but just outside the restaurant?
It’s unlikely to be a multi-storey on the other side of town.

It seems likely if you are going out for a meal at 8 months pregnant that you wouldn't choose somewhere where you had to park miles away.

Plus, I suspect had that been the case, the OP would have mentioned it, as walking across a City to get to the car park a 20min walk away would put a lot more people on her side.

So I think it is a reasonable assumption the car was parked outside the pub or restaurant they ate in.

I totally agree with you. I can't imagine my family doing this to anyone and my DH would definitely have waited around for me. It's very odd they went off without saying goodbye

Works great for us, thanks. Plus the converse didn't work for the OP.

One of those incidents you cannot forget
It would bug me always

I think i would have expected my husband to wait tbh.

That’s crazy. I wouldn’t never wander off and leave my wife alone by herself. Basic respect. My wife and I are a team. And I don’t leave her by herself. I refuse to. She is my best friend, my soulmate, and we are a team. I point blank refuse to do something like that to her. It is unthinkable.

I would expect my husband to be waiting for me for when I come out of the toilet. The rest of the family isn’t an issue, they can wait by the car but being 8 months pregnant, I would be so annoyed if my husband done this! My expectation would be that he would wait for me then walk out to the car with me to say goodbye to everyone else. Sorry you experienced that!

I'm always losing my DP. One of us often wanders off while the other goes to the loo. We usually find each other again.

In my family the most they might do is get up and wait in the foyer but at 8 months pregnant someone would have waited at the table or even outside the loo. Might be different if I'd been one of those super fit women who was still jogging at 8 months but I was huge and definitely wouldn't have been left wandering alone in the dark. Sorry that happened to you, OP.