DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

As I said this wasn’t about her capability. When have people lost empathy & kindness to others? Think you need to give your head a wobble.

I think it’s rude. I’d wait for someone unless I’d specifically said to them I was going outside.

But I also wouldn’t dwell on it. Lots of people are quite ill mannered but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re doing it purposefully.

Well my DH and I have two kids, 17 and 15, and we always all wait until we’re all ready to leave the restaurant together. TBH, until this thread I hadn’t even noticed that’s what we do. It’s just common decency.

Same here.

Never thought it was odd either.

Did you really ask the waitress where they’d gone, op?!
What did you think she’d done with them?

I was thinking the same. Is it a wider pattern?

At 8 months preg.. your DH should have checked on you before rushing off. I mean you could have started contractions for all they knew, or be throwing up or something.

What was the rush anyway.

It is, however, exactly what my inconsiderate in laws would have done. It smacks of people thinking they are so important they can't wait for anyone. Or bother to say goodbye. ... or wish you well with the birth. Crap behaviour IMHO.

Perhaps they thought you were being rude walking off without saying goodbye?

Knowing everyone would be getting up to leave, you go off with acknowledging the situation. Presumably DH walked his parents to the car and didn’t think to go back in.

The bill was paid and everyone had gone, and you had to ask the waiter where they all were? You didn't just assume they'd all gone outside?
I'm not understanding this really, I'd have just seen they weren't at the table and gone outside.

How long ago did this happen, @TemporaryWombat ?

I don't think it was the best etiquette in the world on their part, but still relatively small fry.

I think it’s quite normal to wait outside. If my in laws had then gone home and not said goodbye that would be rude by my standards- but it wouldn't be something I’d hold on to/ still think about.

I think if she was looking for the car... she was probably dropped off whilst he found a parking space... so didn't know where he'd parked. What was so urgent that he had to rush off and wait in the car, leaving her to search for it?

Yes, that's definitely just you.

It worries me that you feel like you need to be looked after. You are not a child, you are a grown woman who now has a child!
Get some independence!

I think you have accept other people have different views to you and when that occurs it doesn’t give you the right to take offense or become rude,

I am baffled you’re complaining about kindness and empathy whilst running amok on line and being rude to people, simply as they think it’s acceptable for a pregnant woman to walk out a restaurant alone.

the irony is something else.

I was the same as a kid but it had the opposite effect and made me just tihnk this is normal when its not at all

Perhaps they thought you were being rude walking off without saying goodbye?

She didn't though.

She went to the loo, told them that & thought that thy would still be there when she got back.

I agree, OP.

Their manners are as poor as their communication skills. It's apparent your DH was brought up that way too.

I think they should have waited for you.

But equally I don't believe you can have been quick if they didn't even have coats on when you left them and they were sitting in the car when you caught up to them. You must have taken ages. Which is fine because you were heavily pregnant but I think might explain why they left.

I agree, I don’t think leaving a restaurant signifies the downfall of society and that people have lost all empathy & kindness. Some of us are just a lot less easily offended and don’t get hung up on this sort of stuff.

I viewed my pregnancies as a temporary condition not an illness. If I needed help I’d ask for it otherwise I was perfectly capable of functioning as normal. That very much included walking in the dark.

I also think the op must have been much longer than she realised, unless they high tailed it out of there the moment she left. Otherwise it’s likely they waited a few mins, the parents wanted to get back, the husband walked them out and waited for her in the car.

its fine to take a long time in the loo as your heavily pregnant, normal even, but I suspect that’s what’s behind this, they sat waiting, the parents had to get off, so he walked out with them and then waited in the car.

like many people I can’t work out why she had to ask the waiters, for most of us it would be abundantly clear they were outside, they clearly weren’t hiding in the kitchen,

I think that would be common courtesy too. Was it a one off or is this typical behaviour where you feel they are inconsiderate? Might have just been an accident where they were out before they realised and then it was cold. If you are feeling they are generally inconsiderate towards you thats different.

I agree with you. I do think it was rude of them to just leave without saying goodbye, and inconsiderate of your DH not to wait for you. As a minimum I’d expect a goodbye from the in-laws, and if DH didn’t want to wait inside or outside the door I’d expect him to say “I’ll wait in the car”. Not just disappear without saying anything.

Yes, OP. I think your MIL & FIL should've said they were leaving and bid a proper goodbye, not just left. And I also think your partner should've either waited for you or said he'd see you back at the car. I personally wouldn't just get up and go, especially as they were all still happily seated when you went to the loo with no indication of buggering off.

I agree, parents-in-law should have said goodbye before leaving and husband should have waited for you inside. But at this point, please stop hanging onto it if you can, time to let it go.

Agree with last paragraph. I find some replies on this site quite sad at times. It's like they are saying you are only a worthwhile human if you are an independent machine and display no emotions, needs or empathy at any point, ever.

That’s really not what anyone is saying, what people are saying is we are perfectly capable of walking out a restaurant and getting in the car, and don’t expect people to sit and wait for us.

But is that not the same thing?

I am perfectly capable of doing many things on my own, I don't need assistance to walk back to the car on my own, but it's just a nicer world to live in if someone else shows a bit of friendly consideration and waits for me.