Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

[SchoolDilemmas123]

AIBU about potential school fees?
I want to send my DS to the local state secondary but my DH wants the private route.

My DS has a place at an independent school for year 7, starting in Sept 2026.
The fees in his first year will be £30,000 (£10,000 per term) plus uniform and trips.
So we are looking at least £250,000 for his education until the end 6th form.

When you put it like that…. It’s an awful
Lot money that might be better spent elsewhere. We could invest the money now and give him £300,000 when he turns 25 for a house deposit for example

There is so much to weigh up! It’s a great school, not a hot house but pretty academic. The school suits him very well. He would thrive there.

we have a ‘good’ state secondary school to consider. Not outstanding, gets very average results. He would hopefully be fine there. I want to send him here with his friends from his state primary.

We can afford the fees but it would eat into our future savings. We live in a normal house, no mortgage, and both work full time.

I don’t know what to do for the best long term.

Anyone else had these considerations? If so how did you reach your decision, and are you happy with it?

YANBU - send him to the state secondary.
YABU - go private

Private school has been worth every penny for my dyslexic child. I remember his Ed Psych saying he was very clever but with an atrocious short term memory. If I could get him through age 7-13 with his confidence intact he’d have a shot at reaching his potential. We did have to move private schools to one that has a more holistic than academic take but I can see the impact that has had on his confidence and therefore his academic work.

DD is a different kettle of fish, clever, confident and although we’ve gone private I’m pretty confident she’d have done ok anywhere.

My granny used to say an education is the one thing no one can ever take away from you. I also feel it’s not up to me as a parent to give them a good life. It’s to give them the tools to have a good life.

Ive seen various members of my family remortgage properties they’ve been gifted and spend the money on a lifestyle they can’t afford. My kids can’t remortgage their private education!

Also depends on where you live. We can’t move and our local state are dire. Very little music or sport, far too many cover teachers and a churn of heads.

Other options include state school education topped up by excellent private tutors in subjects where he isn’t excelling, or attending state school up to Year 8 then going private from Year 9 onwards. Most top private schools have a Year 9 intake for this reason and many elite public schools (including Eton and Harrow) only take Year 9 upwards. That’s what I’d do in your situation. FWIW I’ve taught in one of the £60k PA schools as well as in state schools.

Something you should definitely bear in mind is that in independent schools you usually have to self fund any additional support your child might need including any therapies. You simply aren't eligible for any NHS or LA support unless your child has an EHCP. Learning support even attracts 20% VAT.

I've been following this with interest as we're in a similar situation, 2 kids, oldest is currently in year 3. Very happy with our village primary but the local comp is just "ok" and we could technically afford private, but 500k would go a looooong way for them in later life and maybe that's the better use of the money.

At this point I think we're leaning towards comp with tutors if/when needed. It's not even just about house deposits and uni, we can use some of that money to enrich their lives in other ways. If they are interested in art history? Great, let's go to Florence. If they are really into the Egyptians? Fabulous let's do a family holiday to see the pyramids, take a trip down the Nile while we're there. Marine biology? Cool let's go kayaking with sea otters in California (we are actually doing this one at Easter, I can't wait). If we were paying school fees we'd really struggle to afford that type of thing.

Really interesting to see other people's experiences though.

I agree with this.

At £30k per year, there will not be many children from a similar background. Plenty of people in exactly your shoes will have chosen state meaning your child may feel out of place along far wealthier peers. Also, their parents won’t have just budgeted to the end of sixth form, but through university etc. your child may find they have quite a different lifestyle.

For me, I probably wouldn't. We can't afford private schools but moved areas to be in a catchment for an outstanding secondary (and the area was more expensive but less than private). We are in an area with fairly good secondarys. Fairly affluent and not massive behavioural issues. So my caveat is that, IF I could afford it and there was a really big issue with the schools in the area and I felt it was a potential danger, then yes I would look at private. But not in most circumstances.

My DD and her best friend went to the same state primary and then my DD went to state school and DD BF went to private. They are still best friends outside school Did DD BF get better grades? Yes. But she always did in primary. Much more academic whereas my DD is very smart in a different way and does amazingly with her part time job as well as sixth form. She's very involved with the day to day running of a small business, loads of client interaction and learning a really broad skill base and has a great work ethic. My DD BF - I love dearly and is like a daughter to me but she literally would have excelled anywhere. The two girls have a friendship group that somehow links / crosses both schools too. Her BF has undoubtedly got better sports opportunities, facilities etc but I think it's comparable to good state school + tutor. She is surrounded by a lot of wealth and her day to day money is gifted by parents and she doesn't have a job (partly because of how busy she is with private school, very intense) but each girl almost has a different skill base because of the school they've attended. I have also heard a lot of stories of bullying, drugs etc at private school she attends. As the pupils are a revenue stream, they are less inclined to exclude the children!

If it's the choices you're talking about and you could help their early adulthood plans instead, in your situation - I would 100% do that.

I went to private school and my children go to a very good local state school. I have also worked in many different private schools (not as a teacher I must add)! The main pros of private schools are the facilities and the opportunities they get. I would genuinely say there isn’t that much difference in the quality of teaching between a good state school and a good private school. If you fancy saving some ££££ I would look at ways you can enrich your child’s life outside of school (theatre trips, trips abroad to culturally rich cities, different music concerts, lectures etc etc)! When at private schools, you are certain your child’s life will be culturally rich at state school you might have to do this yourself. Though I would say my children’s state school has a wealth of opportunities.

I suppose it depends where you are, but I have had two children in two different private schools in London. I think the teachers have been incredible. So many studied the subjects that they teach at Oxbridge, or have had careers in the city before teaching economics or a STEM subject as an encore career.

I don’t think they had teaching degrees, but it didn’t matter because private schools don’t require one.

@Swissmeringue Lots of people do all of that and more and pay school fees. It’s not either or and frankly, if it is, you cannot afford private all the way through. If you only have money for fees and that means you don’t go to California or have house deposits for dc, you don’t have enough money available. So holidays it is - they are definitely cheaper !

That was my point. The fees would mean we'd have to make savings elsewhere and, on balance, I don't think school fees are the best use of the money for our DC.

It's a bit much to suggest anyone who has to budget for private school simply can't afford it though. Plenty of people I know with kids at private school are making sacrifices to pay for it for various reasons and it's worth it to them.

A bright child will do well wherever they are. The main thing a child might get from a good private school is connections. If it’s a one or the other - paying for private school versus a house deposit, I’d save/invest the money for a solid asset.

What good is a house deposit if there is no long terms earnings trajectory? Dh and I paid zero rent for 3 years in our 20s, we saved 60k plus 10k dh already had. We had a decent 15% deposit which is probably similar to a lot of gifted deposits from parents who didn't live in london (didnt have the ability to provide rent free accommodation near work). But that deposit would have been useless if we didnt have the ability to sustain our earnings as that involved taking out a relatively large mortgage.

Our dc are going to live in a world where good jobs would be few and far between but there would be too many homes relative to people as the boomers would have long died off and the birth rate is 1.4 (and fast declining in the countries we have long imported our labour from). The future problem wouldn't be the price of homes but the ability to launch a sustainably well paid career. There is no magic solution to this whether its state or private school, but for me I believe smaller class sizes and a more tailored approach would facilitate his personal development. Ultimately money can be taken away from you but personal qualities can't. My v wealthy parents cut me off when I eloped at 22 (i never got gifted a deposit, bought in london at 26) but what they could never take from me is my education.

Could he go private at age 14?

What is his ultimate job?

Would it be an asset though? In a country with a declining economy, low birth rate and in a world where the birth rate is also declining (fewer potential immigrants).

All that points to housing that is declining in value in real terms. What will prevent our children from buying housing in the future wouldnt be the cost but the ability to support a mortgage aka stay in long term paid professional employment. The latter would depend on one's personal qualities.

This.

We have one in state secondary. Sporty, academic, sociable child who I think would thrive anywhere. He can’t stand the wokeness/vaping in the loos/terrible discipline (too strict for the good kids and waaaay too lax for the disruptive kids). Some of the wokeness is just mental - kids who are ‘furries’ for instance get to growl and miaow in lessons and use a different loo, but if anyone comments they get detention. It is nuts. DC won’t move though as has a great group of friends there.

We also have one in private secondary. This DC would NOT cope well in the state school after past bullying and some learning difficulties, but is absolutely thriving in the lovely, kind, sensible private school. There are no real behaviour problems and no bullying.

We have another in a good state primary, but they will be going to the private secondary if I have to sell all I own to do it.

@OhShutUpThomasare you actually kidding me about this ‘furries’ nonsense? That’s wild! You wouldn’t be allowed to do that in the workplace so wtf would you be allowed to act like that in class? The world has gone mad ( and I used to consider myself a leftie)

@Primrose86 You do know that there still are jobs available don’t you? It’s not as if dc won’t get anything that pays well if they really want it. Not all SMEs will be closing and grads of a decent calibre will still get good jobs. So of course a house deposit is worth it, we gave multiples of £60,000 though. Plus our dc could not do their jobs from where we live. They needed to be in London.

My dc were privately educated and I know the benefits. But if you want to buy in London now, £60,000 deposit for a flat isn’t much. £250,000 makes a dent. It’s not as if a state education prevents anything from happening in terms of work.

The biggest predictor of educational outcomes is parental wealth and education levels, not the school a child goes to.

The majority of students at elite universities attended state secondary schools. Private schools are over represented Vs the proportion of children they teach but there is absolutely no reason why your child can't make it to an elite university from a state school as thousands do.

Having no student debt and a house deposit and perhaps a significant contribution to a pension pot at 25 is far more financially beneficial over a lifetime than spending it on a school with lovely sports facilities and a nice chapel with only marginal improvement in eventual exam results.

Spend some of it on extra curricular hobbies, activities, experiences etc - he doesn't need to do that all in school, specialist providers/clubs can be far better as focused on it.

Tbh when reform are voted in 2029 is also the same year my baby starts school. Their policy is to teach children that the British empire was a force of good. I dont really want my mixed race son to go to school learning that. Independent schools don't need to follow the national curriculum, I am eyeing a prep school with an ethnically diverse population..

@Tamtimas someone who went to private schools I disagree with this. The main thing is opportunities and smaller class sizes, but I’d say the ‘connections’ are mainly from the families! Little Timmy wants to be a banker, well daddy has been a banker all his life and can get him an in after he graduates (or one of daddy’s friends can)… I’ve seen it time and time again! Those of us who didn’t have a trust fund or super rich parents had to graft a lot harder than those you did. I still get comments like ‘won’t your parents just buy you a house/give you money/help you out.’ I think a big negative of private schools is that most people are delululu about the real world! To the point I find it quite cringeworthy! I have a lot of very successful friends who went to state school and my daughter herself goes to an incredible state school! Private school is a good option if all the state schools in your local are bad. where I live houses are incredibly expensive, so I live in a nice flat instead. I’d much rather have a child that was well-rounded and in touch with the real world, than money orientated and scared of anyone that went to state school!

I live in leafy nw london and the local primary school in Hampstead garden suburb had kids at one point in porta cabins as there was insufficient money for extra classrooms. A school in crouch end is now relying on donations from parents to fund many of its programs as it is in a bad financial situation. My Dh's alma mater set a challenge to raise 1 million in 24 hours as they would not have survived financially otherwise (they are the top state comprehensive in england as ranked by the times in 2026) and they did manage to raise that.. the state school i was looking to send my child to now insists on a 'voluntary' donation of £150 per month to fund religious education, which is a long standing policy for faith schools but the fact they suggest such an amount for a school where most families have at least 3 is indicative.

What does this do to the mental health of children as they grow up to feel like the state doesn't care about them. What does it do to their confidence to feel like their government doesn't care about them enough to fund their schools, and it will be evident to young children, even they will notice the many repairs the school is delaying. I went to an open day for a local state school (the one charging £150 per month, it is ranked no 15 in the league tables), one of the classrooms smelt like a toilet.

I feel it every time I interact with the NHS. It's why we have private healthcare (though this is funded through DH's work). My worry is this will only get worse.

250k is required now because houses are seen as solid assets. My point is that it wouldnt be in the future. How can it be when the birth rate is below replacement and it would take most immigrants 10 years to get indefinite leave to remain. What sane person would want to settle long term in the country, the risk of redundancy in 10 years is higher than 5 years. Even for the more skilled immigrants who wouldn't need 10 years, uk wages are quite low compared to other western countries like Australia and America and even places like dubai with 0% tax.

So fewer immigrants and a fast declining birth rate. More houses are being built now in the SE in previously empty fields. All this point to a real terms decline in house prices. The boomers would also be long dead by then.

My flat hasn't gone up in 10 years. I dont expect it to rise in price for the next 30 years. So relative to income it should be quite cheap then if ds on decent income.

I thought my child was exaggerating but this was corroborated by several other sensible parents of older children at the school!

It really depends. We sent DS #2 to a private school y8 to y11. He is dyslexic and y7 at a local state comp was a disaster with no support and disruptive kids in class. We were worried he would disengage from education completely. It was also covid times and his school did not handle that at all well. We moved him to get the small classes and SEN support and genuinely think he would not have passed his English GCSE in particular without that. He had a great time there with loads of sport which he really needed. He is back at the local comp for 6th form now he is more mature and can take responsibility for his own learning.

DS #1 was at a state school throughout that really suited him and is happy at uni now. No issues doing it differently, they each got what they needed.

Whilst this sounds like a good plan when he is a 10/11 year old, do not underestimate the influence his peer group will have and how much they change between y6 and y9. This applies to both state and private schools.
Don’t choose the school purely on the sweet, smart 10yo you have at the moment - think of the wilful, independent and easily influenced teen you will have in a few years.

ETA: this is difficult to do as it’s impossible to know who will be in his form/year group but consider the culture of the school, academic and non-academic attainment, achievements that are celebrated etc.