Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

[roastdinner346]

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week.
Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family.
A few things really got to me.
Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈
The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places.
She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small.
Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in.
She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me.
I will happily speak to people, if I'm included.
Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front.
I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone.
So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.
At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home.
For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there.
Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

@roastdinner346 has your friend contacted you at all since you left?

Who paid for this trip?

Well I was wondering whether she did time the toilet for when they were leaving in order for some privacy 😬 maybe the friend went on thinking this was helping?

I agree with another poster suggesting that there should have been better communication about food beforehand. If it's known that the friend is on WLI maybe it should have been discussed what would happen about mealtimes and the OP be prepared to go off alone.

While I appreciate the hearing loss might be recent, you would still insert yourself into a group if you were feeling left out. You still haven't clarified knowing the friend specifically said you were an introvert....and if you did hear this I don't know why you didn't say well I might be, but actually I can't hear anything right now as you are blocking the table/liking the sound of your own voice and I can't get a word in!

I also don't think you have said how well you know this friend and how often you socialise for any length of time.
Also was it your idea or theirs to go on this trip?

Have you heard from her since you left?

sounds like the friendship is over, I’m afraid (if you were even friends in the first place, as her treatment of you was shocking!)

I’m so sorry it worked out this way. 💐

This is a good point about the toilet - was she perhaps just giving you privacy?

Maybe she thought you had waited until she was just about to leave as you wanted privacy and it may have come across like you wanted her to go on ahead type thing.

However, the rest of the time she acted like a twat.
I would have lost my shit if she rolled her eyes at me for anything.

She sounds like a horrible woman. I think you need better friends.

Your friend is a dick.

Jeez. I wonder how many of the folk bleating on about the flipping pebble stealing being so crushing to marine ecosystems have ever gone on a cruise / ferry. A bit of perspective please.

That’s appalling that your cousin did that to you and I’m not surprised you didn’t speak to her for years. But I think there’s rather a difference between your situation of being abandoned on the other side of the world, and the OP’s story where her friend has simply started to walk along the prom whilst she was in the toilet. I don’t think they are in any way comparable.

She sounds awful. But out of interest, how did you find out she told the other family you hated people?

Did you hear her saying it? I think at that point you should've called her out about her behaviour and how it was hurtful.

Depends. I’ve been really tempted to fuck off places without my husband when he “pops to the loo” to scroll for 40 mins…

Sound like she’s been quite harsh and mean to you this weekend. She sounds impatient and she’s become irritated with you. I did vote YABU though because I think you could have set off and done the nice walk on your own too, and also if you wanted to join in the chat with the randoms you could have moved seats so you could hear more and smiled and said hello and taken responsibility for yourself. I encourage you to take ownership of your own activities and happiness more.

I agree with this advice. Perhaps something to think about.

You do seem keen to look elsewhere for your happiness, but you could have made some better decisions here and showed a bit more agency.

Another example - you could have started each day reading a novel over a giant hotel breakfast - that would have taken the edge off the food issue!

That reminds me of last year when I went abroad with my friend. She got hammered in the airport. Like 2 pints of strong lager and a large wine or two. On the plane she drank 5 of those 250ml bottles of wine. By the time we got to the carousel, she was propping the walls up while I tried to retrieve both our cases!

I had to drag/carry her, plus both cases to the transfer bus. She couldn't even speak properly. I though we'd never get through security.

I was so glad to come home. She's now asking me to go with her again. I think not!!

Sympathies, OP - she sounds like a self-centred cow and a bad friend. I'm puzzled that so many people on here are trying to defend her tbh.

Me too- also that "we havent heard her side of the story" - well that applies to every single flipping thread on MN and so should every reply on every thread be "well we havent heard their side of the story"? bit ridiculous

You were right to go home.

I had something similar happen to me and I stuck out the holiday with her.
I should have bailed at the airport before we departed.
I never spoke to her again.

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend to be honest. It was a trip for your birthday so you should've been able to have some say in what you did including going for some food. Also, taking a pebble is hardly cre of the century and not really her place to police your behaviour as you are an adult not her child. I would send her a message just to outline how excluded she made you feel and how you've realised she isn't a true friend. Then block her. She won't change, she sounds very self centred and judgemental.

I think that particular response is down to people's experience of going away or holidaying with others.
Sometimes it's a mismatch we didn't anticipate.

One person's abandonment is the other's independence...and what went on depends on who's telling it.

I went on holiday with a good friend once. We went to Magaluf (we were turning 21). I wanted to party. She wanted to…nap and read Harry Potter.

She was lovely but my god she was dull as dishwater on holiday.

Having said that, I’d happily lie down and read Harry Potter instead of partying now.

Presumably she wanted to do it with a companion! It's not weird for her to not go for the walk after her friend ditched her.

It's a shame you didn't answer my previous question as I'm trying to see the background here. You say it's the first time you've been away without family and you are 40. Have you led a sheltered life and do your family maybe mollycoddle you?

Not really. But in this case a) if the friend is really as awful as this, then why go on holiday with them and b) many of us have experienced the travelling companion who drives us to drink. I think a big of extra info would be helpful, like was it OP’s treat.

I have experienced both sides - the person who is obsessed by meals and gargantuan feasting, and also the person who doesn’t want to eat anything and sits in judgement. Oh, and the person who refuses to go outside their comfort zone and will only go to Costas and Pizza Express. All are infuriating!

It's utter rubbish to suggest everyone taking one pebble would mean we would collapse into sea....

I live on coast too

A. Presumably she didnt seem that awful in short bursts. There are plenty of tales both online and on MN about friends who seemed great for an hour or two and turned into a nightmare on holiday. This is exactly the reason people are advised to live together before getting married because you cannot really know someone when only seeing them for a few hours at a time. Its when you are with someone 24/7 that their true nature comes out.

B. I dont see any evidence of OP being unreasonable here - her friend was flat out rude to her and even if someone is irritating you on holiday if its your friend and its their birthday then you bloody talk to them, you dont slag them off to strangers or lecture them in public.

The OP said nothing about wanting "gargantuan" meals and competitive under eating is just as irritating as over eating.

Taking pebbles contributes to coastal erosion. Imagine if everyone took one away.