Page 10 | Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

roastdinner346 · 2026-02-16T01:47:16+00:00

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week. Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family. A few things really got to me. Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈 The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places. She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small. Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in. She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me. I will happily speak to people, if I'm included. Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front. I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone. So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself. At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home. For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there. Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

MaturingCheeseball · 16/02/2026 12:14

Oh I agree that the friend sounded very rude, and particularly odd about pebblegate!

Having holidayed with a few people I think points of contention are usually a, b and c food, and d getting up and out in the mornings. Woe betide an early bird holidays with a late riser…

Nuncheon · 16/02/2026 12:20

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 12:06

A. Presumably she didnt seem that awful in short bursts. There are plenty of tales both online and on MN about friends who seemed great for an hour or two and turned into a nightmare on holiday. This is exactly the reason people are advised to live together before getting married because you cannot really know someone when only seeing them for a few hours at a time. Its when you are with someone 24/7 that their true nature comes out.

B. I dont see any evidence of OP being unreasonable here - her friend was flat out rude to her and even if someone is irritating you on holiday if its your friend and its their birthday then you bloody talk to them, you dont slag them off to strangers or lecture them in public.

The OP said nothing about wanting "gargantuan" meals and competitive under eating is just as irritating as over eating.

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Well, no, there's no evidence at all of the OP being unreasonable. On the face of it, her friend was being a pain in the ass.

My only point is that the OP says she's never in her life been away with anyone other than her family in her 40 years (and family presumably know all her ways) which suggests she's had no prior experience of how people can rub one another up the wrong way on holiday, especially when sharing a room, even if they're generally good friends.

For instance, I sleep very lightly, and know to never share a room with anyone, as the slightest snoring or muttering wakes me and I'm unable to get back to sleep, so I always have a room to myself, so I can sleep properly and be happy and well-rested in the daytime.

And I seldom go away with one of my closest friends in the world because, although she's working hard on it in therapy, she has a severe eating disorder, and it's difficult for her to find things she's OK with eating, and eating in public, which can be stressful for anyone accompanying her.

So in the OP's shoes, presumably knowing the friend was on weight-loss injections, I'd probably have raised the issue of eating before arranging the trip, and pointing out that I would be eating three meals a day as usual, and how was she going to deal with that if she wasn't hungry.

I'd suggest inexperience, rather than unreasonableness, on the OP's part, may have played a part in the weekend being so difficult.

callmeLoretta1 · 16/02/2026 12:22

littlehyena · 16/02/2026 12:00

It's a shame you didn't answer my previous question as I'm trying to see the background here. You say it's the first time you've been away without family and you are 40. Have you led a sheltered life and do your family maybe mollycoddle you?

Wow, the victim-blaming here! Her friend was rude to her, shouted at her in the street over a tiny pebble, and bad-mouthed her to another group and said she 'hates people' and suddenly it's her fault because she may have been 'mollycoddled'? No one wants to be shouted at in the street over something so tiny, bad-mouthed and gossiped about. Whether they were mollycoddled ornot.

callmeLoretta1 · 16/02/2026 12:26

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 12:11

Taking pebbles contributes to coastal erosion. Imagine if everyone took one away.

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Oh ffs we get pebbles caught in our shoes. Or towels. One tiny pebble isn't going to do much. It's a batshit thing to shout at someone about in front of everyone in the street at least.

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 12:32

callmeLoretta1 · 16/02/2026 12:26

Oh ffs we get pebbles caught in our shoes. Or towels. One tiny pebble isn't going to do much. It's a batshit thing to shout at someone about in front of everyone in the street at least.

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Ok calm down, I was only explaining the reasoning for it. I wasn’t the one having a go at the op so don’t jump down my throat!

Lovemycat2023 · 16/02/2026 12:33

I know exactly how that feels with the hearing. I have mild / moderate hearing loss in one ear and the hospital checked no underlying cause and then just gave me advice on how to cope. In a noisy room and / or with people talking quietly it’s very hard to feel included if I’m sat on one end.

I’m sorry to say this OP but I don’t think your friend likes you much, being so inconsiderate (all the examples). I’m glad it wasn’t on your actual birthday and I hope you have a happier 🎉 birthday!

ShawnaMacallister · 16/02/2026 12:33

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 12:11

Taking pebbles contributes to coastal erosion. Imagine if everyone took one away.

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Oh don't be so daft. It might be a problem if everyone wanted to take a stone but since everyone doesn't, this is a silly comment. One stone makes zero difference.

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 12:34

Nuncheon · 16/02/2026 12:20

Well, no, there's no evidence at all of the OP being unreasonable. On the face of it, her friend was being a pain in the ass.

My only point is that the OP says she's never in her life been away with anyone other than her family in her 40 years (and family presumably know all her ways) which suggests she's had no prior experience of how people can rub one another up the wrong way on holiday, especially when sharing a room, even if they're generally good friends.

For instance, I sleep very lightly, and know to never share a room with anyone, as the slightest snoring or muttering wakes me and I'm unable to get back to sleep, so I always have a room to myself, so I can sleep properly and be happy and well-rested in the daytime.

And I seldom go away with one of my closest friends in the world because, although she's working hard on it in therapy, she has a severe eating disorder, and it's difficult for her to find things she's OK with eating, and eating in public, which can be stressful for anyone accompanying her.

So in the OP's shoes, presumably knowing the friend was on weight-loss injections, I'd probably have raised the issue of eating before arranging the trip, and pointing out that I would be eating three meals a day as usual, and how was she going to deal with that if she wasn't hungry.

I'd suggest inexperience, rather than unreasonableness, on the OP's part, may have played a part in the weekend being so difficult.

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Not having been away before with friends does not mean you will be immune to surprising behaviour from others. If that were true, then noone who had been away with friends previously would ever experience any problems living or going away with other friends in the future. By this rationale, noone would ever enter into a toxic relationship or friendship more than once and clearly that isnt the case.

My friends and I have different appetites but in reasonable people you would expect that if they didnt want to eat an actual meal they'd be happy sitting with you sipping a cocktail instead, or a soft drink. Or, they could order a starter whilst you had a main meal. You wouldnt expect friends to be eye rolling at you and huffing just because you had to eat. Especially not when the trip is due to the OP's 40th birthday. Meals arent just about food- they are about sitting and chatting and maybe having some drinks whilst watching the sun go down etc Noone is forcing this friend to eat and what is she going to do instead? sit at the bar?- well she can sit with her friend who is eating surely. If you arent on weight loss injections you arent to know that it takes your appetite away completely. I am not on WLI and was shocked as heck to be told by my work colleague that she was only eating one small chicken breast a day. That is a shockingly small amount. I knew it curbed your appetite but not that much!

Sgreenpy · 16/02/2026 12:38

I've been going on short breaks with a couple of friends on and off for the last 30 years!
They are amongst the best holidays I've had.
We've been to lots of places all over Europe - our most recent ones being Sorrento and Marrakesh.
No partners no children - it's heaven in holiday form ;)

2024TN · 16/02/2026 12:56

“Needy” can mean different things to diffferent people. As you only ever been away with family, it sounds like you’re used to others meeting your needs and planning for everyone, and see this as normal and no big deal.

Your friends sounds like she’s more independent and better at advocating for herself. If she expected the same from you, she may have reached her limit of feeling like she was meeting all of your needs because you were passively not doing so yourself.

For example,

it sounds like she drove, so was responsible for getting you there. Did you offer to navigate? Know how to get there? Look up the best route? Have an overview of traffic? Or just sit passively in the car and assume she would get you there.

You were hungry. She wasn’t. Were you unwilling to eat alone and “needed” her to accompany you?

You were upset that you weren’t “included” in the conversation with strangers. Did you ASK to swap seats so you weren’t on the end, or did you just passively expect that she would know that you wanted to join in and facilitate this?

She was loading the car, before the walk. Did you help with this? If not, as you’ve said it was a quick trip to the bathroom, could you have done this WHILE she was loading?

You chose not to go on the walk because it wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be (with your friend from the beginning rather than having to catch her up/ meet her) then frame it you OP as something out of your control.

I'm sorry you had a rubbish weekend, but I’m also trying to see how your friend might have felt. If she’s very capable/ strong/ no nonsense and you’re more laid back and passive, this may be where she’s coming from. Feeling (rightly or wrongly) that you’re solely responsible for another adults needs and wants when you feel that they’re not doing much to meet them themself is exhausting
and annoying.

400rider · 16/02/2026 12:57

For those in doubt about the poor OP and the pebble case
Look up the Coast Protection Act 1949.
If a thousand people took a pebble daily for a week…that’s a lot of pebbles.

As a toddler, I remember my granny telling me the bus driver refused to let me on the bus with a pebble (size of an adult hand) and that it had to be returned to the beach. The pebbles are a part of the natural defence against erosion here on the Jurassic Coast uk.

We missed the bus…got the next with a more kindly driver.

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 13:16

ShawnaMacallister · 16/02/2026 12:33

Oh don't be so daft. It might be a problem if everyone wanted to take a stone but since everyone doesn't, this is a silly comment. One stone makes zero difference.

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its not silly, see the screenshot attached. It’s the literal reason it’s not allowed not just something I made up.

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 13:18

400rider · 16/02/2026 12:57

For those in doubt about the poor OP and the pebble case
Look up the Coast Protection Act 1949.
If a thousand people took a pebble daily for a week…that’s a lot of pebbles.

As a toddler, I remember my granny telling me the bus driver refused to let me on the bus with a pebble (size of an adult hand) and that it had to be returned to the beach. The pebbles are a part of the natural defence against erosion here on the Jurassic Coast uk.

We missed the bus…got the next with a more kindly driver.

Oh watch out @ShawnaMacallister will say you are making stupid comments.

callmeLoretta1 · 16/02/2026 13:22

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 13:16

its not silly, see the screenshot attached. It’s the literal reason it’s not allowed not just something I made up.

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PithyViewer · Today 07:30
Just checked, and the short stretch of coastline where I grew up is estimated to hold 100 billion pebbles! 🤣 Everyone in the Uk could have one and not make a dent! Appreciate it's different in other areas.

EvieBB · 16/02/2026 13:31

JemimaTiggywinkles · 16/02/2026 02:20

This sounds like different expectations tbh.

I’m not on weight loss jabs but don’t want my holidays to revolve around food. I’ve a couple of friends who get hungry every 5 minutes and it is annoying when I’m someone who only eats at meal times.

Taking pebbles off beaches is wrong. I thought everyone knew this? She shouldn’t have said anything in front of other people tho.

I don’t like chatting to strangers and do sometimes feel like I’m being left out if the other person is sociable with randoms. But I think that’s my issue tbh. How do you know she said you’re introverted / hate people? I can’t imagine how that would come up, but I’d be incredibly hurt if a friend said that about me.

The toilet thing entirely depends. If this was the first time you faff when you’re supposed to be doing something then she’s completely unreasonable. But if you’re a faffer and she’d just got fed up of waiting around for you then it’s fair enough for her to go alone.

Did you say anything to her before getting picked up? Cos if not I think you’ve just ended the friendship. Which is a bit sad if you were close enough to go away together.

Don't agree with anything you've said!!

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 13:32

callmeLoretta1 · 16/02/2026 13:22

PithyViewer · Today 07:30
Just checked, and the short stretch of coastline where I grew up is estimated to hold 100 billion pebbles! 🤣 Everyone in the Uk could have one and not make a dent! Appreciate it's different in other areas.

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The thing is though that some people are a bit thick so your beach may be ok. Then they go to another beach and think ‘well it was ok on x beach!’

EvieBB · 16/02/2026 13:32

Nimblethimble · 16/02/2026 02:32

Food - YANBU

Removing pebble - YABU

Socialising - YANBU

She took 1 effing pebble! 😂😂

TonTonMacoute · 16/02/2026 13:32

Friend!? Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me

Netcurtainnelly · 16/02/2026 13:35

JemimaTiggywinkles · 16/02/2026 02:20

This sounds like different expectations tbh.

I’m not on weight loss jabs but don’t want my holidays to revolve around food. I’ve a couple of friends who get hungry every 5 minutes and it is annoying when I’m someone who only eats at meal times.

Taking pebbles off beaches is wrong. I thought everyone knew this? She shouldn’t have said anything in front of other people tho.

I don’t like chatting to strangers and do sometimes feel like I’m being left out if the other person is sociable with randoms. But I think that’s my issue tbh. How do you know she said you’re introverted / hate people? I can’t imagine how that would come up, but I’d be incredibly hurt if a friend said that about me.

The toilet thing entirely depends. If this was the first time you faff when you’re supposed to be doing something then she’s completely unreasonable. But if you’re a faffer and she’d just got fed up of waiting around for you then it’s fair enough for her to go alone.

Did you say anything to her before getting picked up? Cos if not I think you’ve just ended the friendship. Which is a bit sad if you were close enough to go away together.

Why don't you like chatting to strangers that's weird.

EvieBB · 16/02/2026 13:35

sammylady37 · 16/02/2026 05:21

If you had wanted to go on the walk, why didn’t you just go on your own when you realised she’d left without you? Saying you were ‘left to do nothing, for hours, on (your) own’ is a bit martyred, tbh.

However some of the other stuff is horrible.

It's ALL horrible

Flomingho · 16/02/2026 13:50

Horrible behaviour. This person is not a friend, she is a frenemy. I would end the friendship. This selfish individual brings nothing to the table.

Cupua · 16/02/2026 14:02

She sounds like a horrible friend - whose idea was it to go on the holiday for your 40th?

I saw those friendships dynamics at certain events in my 20s and inevitably it was as a result of friend A not really wanting to celebrate or support friend B, but somehow feeling obliged to be in attendance.

The default/normal position is to eat 2/3 meals a day, if you’re on WLI and don’t feel you do that it’s on you to discuss with said friend beforehand. I don’t think it was up to OP to ask about that.

I know people on WLI who do eat 3 meals a day so it’s not always obvious how much that person eats just because you know they’re on WLI. If I couldn’t eat as normal for any reason, I’d just go along with my friend and order a Herbal tea or something. I wouldn’t make her feel bad for wanting to eat.

There was no excuse for her leaving to the walk without you assuming you didn’t stay in the toilet for like an hour. Who does that? Why are people trying to justify it. I’ve been on multiple trips with a variety of friends over the last 2 decades and no one has ever done that to me and I can be pretty slow at getting ready.

Cupua · 16/02/2026 14:09

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 12:34

Not having been away before with friends does not mean you will be immune to surprising behaviour from others. If that were true, then noone who had been away with friends previously would ever experience any problems living or going away with other friends in the future. By this rationale, noone would ever enter into a toxic relationship or friendship more than once and clearly that isnt the case.

My friends and I have different appetites but in reasonable people you would expect that if they didnt want to eat an actual meal they'd be happy sitting with you sipping a cocktail instead, or a soft drink. Or, they could order a starter whilst you had a main meal. You wouldnt expect friends to be eye rolling at you and huffing just because you had to eat. Especially not when the trip is due to the OP's 40th birthday. Meals arent just about food- they are about sitting and chatting and maybe having some drinks whilst watching the sun go down etc Noone is forcing this friend to eat and what is she going to do instead? sit at the bar?- well she can sit with her friend who is eating surely. If you arent on weight loss injections you arent to know that it takes your appetite away completely. I am not on WLI and was shocked as heck to be told by my work colleague that she was only eating one small chicken breast a day. That is a shockingly small amount. I knew it curbed your appetite but not that much!

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Agree with this and just to add - I was on a 10 day retreat and two of the ladies were on WLI, one ate 3 meals a day every single day and the other ate just one meal a day at most and then had a few snacks in her room.

So it’s not a given that someone on WLI will have these issues with eating. It was up to OPs friend to speak up beforehand if she thought it was going to be an issue.

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 14:20

Cupua · 16/02/2026 14:09

Agree with this and just to add - I was on a 10 day retreat and two of the ladies were on WLI, one ate 3 meals a day every single day and the other ate just one meal a day at most and then had a few snacks in her room.

So it’s not a given that someone on WLI will have these issues with eating. It was up to OPs friend to speak up beforehand if she thought it was going to be an issue.

Edited

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Exactly - and just to add, asking your friend on WLI how much she intends to eat whilst on holiday with you would then be called out on here as being rude and intrusive and none of her business so the OP cant really win!

If the friend's appetite has significantly changed and she doesnt wish to be around others eating then the onus is on HER to tell the OP, its not up to the OP to start asking her potentially sensitive questions about her eating habits and then she'd probably get accused of weight shaming her or similar.

Nuncheon · 16/02/2026 14:25

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 12:34

Not having been away before with friends does not mean you will be immune to surprising behaviour from others. If that were true, then noone who had been away with friends previously would ever experience any problems living or going away with other friends in the future. By this rationale, noone would ever enter into a toxic relationship or friendship more than once and clearly that isnt the case.

My friends and I have different appetites but in reasonable people you would expect that if they didnt want to eat an actual meal they'd be happy sitting with you sipping a cocktail instead, or a soft drink. Or, they could order a starter whilst you had a main meal. You wouldnt expect friends to be eye rolling at you and huffing just because you had to eat. Especially not when the trip is due to the OP's 40th birthday. Meals arent just about food- they are about sitting and chatting and maybe having some drinks whilst watching the sun go down etc Noone is forcing this friend to eat and what is she going to do instead? sit at the bar?- well she can sit with her friend who is eating surely. If you arent on weight loss injections you arent to know that it takes your appetite away completely. I am not on WLI and was shocked as heck to be told by my work colleague that she was only eating one small chicken breast a day. That is a shockingly small amount. I knew it curbed your appetite but not that much!

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Of course it doesn’t mean you’ll be immune, but it means you have more idea what questions to ask in advance, whether you might be better off with your own room, and you’ll be less surprised by the behaviours because you’ve seen before how your perception of someone changes when you are spending all your time with them, including eating and sleeping.