Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

[roastdinner346]

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week.
Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family.
A few things really got to me.
Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈
The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places.
She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small.
Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in.
She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me.
I will happily speak to people, if I'm included.
Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front.
I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone.
So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.
At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home.
For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there.
Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

❤️ Stick to your lovely family ❤️
Sometimes we tick boxes when we have a
‘zero- ending’ birthday to fulfil others expectations .
Going away with a friend should mean giggles, escapism and shared interests.. not controlling behaviour to belittle you .
I’m not introverted either.. but with some people, even friends, that drain me, I lose myself, go mute and can’t wait to get home 🏡 where I can be myself again 😊
FOMO I now replace with JOMO ( the joy of missing out!) on situations that I don’t truly enjoy 😊 It’s the most liberating thing I’ve ever done ! 💪🏼
Big hugs and happy 40th soon 🥳🎉🎂

Mostly YANBU, she sounds like a right bitch. Guess you aren’t going to be friends any longer. The one part where I do think you are being unreasonable is about being left to do nothing because she went off without you - you could have gone somewhere by yourself.

I still remember a week spent 40 years ago with a very dear, close friend of mine where we both irritated the hell out of each other. It is entirely normal to fall out over tiny things when you go away with friends. Only you know whether this is the end of the friendship or not but it wasn't for me. Friends can get over this if they want to.

My tuppenceworth: yes, she does sound irritating but I am aware we are only hearing your side of the story. If you left the weekend without telling her, that would be worse behaviour imo.

Painting them for reselling. There's a guy round my area that paints animals on them, they are all large flat pebbles. Or to fill gabions.

To my shame I have taken a few off the beach and painted them as bees and ladybirds for the rockery. Ill go hand myself in to the police today.

She’s not a friend. She’s just someone you happen to know, and a nasty someone, at that,

You alone are responsible for coastal erosion 🤣🤣🤣

Um, she isn't your friend.

But don't take pebbles off beaches though.

Yeah, people shouldn't be taking trailers full.

As for you, DISGRACEFUL behaviour! 🤣

Who paid for the holiday? Not that it matters. Your 'friend' sounds nasty and hateful and cruel. She treated you like absolute shit. I would no longer have anything to do with her anymore after that. She is not a friend. No friend treats someone like that. She's an enemy and clearly thinks you're stupid because you are partly deaf. The way she talked you down to that couple, and on your birthday break? Wow. That's what an enemy does. Cut her out of your life, she is so nasty and hateful. I don't even thinks she likes you at all. And no, there is nothing wrong with taking one tiny pebble! She is spiteful and meant to make you small. She needs to grow up.

Is this another posts-op-and-runs?

Some of this sounds annoying but some of it sounds like you are quite whiny. The final example is odd to me: if she's left because you were going to the toilet, she must have only been two minutes ahead of you: why not text "I'll catch you up!"

Sitting around all day doing nothing as a reaction is very self-pitying.

Couldn’t you have messaged her and asked where she was to meet up ? It sounds like you need to develop some other friendships - it’s unusual to have not been anywhere before this except with your family but I understand your hearing issues may have contributed.

In the UK, it’s very common for people to pocket a pebble from the beach — but whether it’s socially acceptable depends on where you are and how much you take.
If you are in a protected area not acceptable. If you take one or two absolutely fine, bag full not fine. According to AI and I would agree! We take pebbles on occasion to paint and decorate- no one bats an eyelid!

are you the friend?
That is piffle
If you are on weight loss jabs, that's on you but people have to eat. No need to roll your eyes, either meet up with them afterwards, or go and have a drink of water to keep them company (especially if you are away to celebrate their birthday)

The pebble? Yes, it is wrong. Shouting at your friend about it in a shop full of people is being an utter wanker. It is not what friends do.

Ignoring your partially deaf friend because you have met new shiny friends to talk to is being a twat. Making up stories about them being introverted is a dick move.

The toilet thing does not depend at all. if you plan to go for a walk with someone, on a weekend away to celebrate their birthday, the VERY least amount of politeness indicates that you would tell them you were abandoning them while they were on the loo. Not acting like an utter fucking git and just leaving them.

That is not how friends behave, OP. In your shoes i would tell them all this, and then ignore them for evermore. If you are not up to telling them all this, just ignore. Don't forgive, and if you are tempted to forgive, don't ever forget they just abandoned you on the loo.

OP, I hope your niece really, really enjoys her illegal, bootlegged pebble. 🤣

It doesn’t sound a comfortable relaxed weekend, or friendship, and she should have been making sure that it was in honour of your birthday and (within reason) putting your enjoyment first.

So YANBU.

BUT why on earth didn’t you just set off walking and catch her up, or enjoy the seafront walk on your own anyway? How much sooner could she have left if you just nipped your the loo?

And you never having been away with anyone but family at age 40, and needing collecting, how needy are you?

Bit she still behaved badly.

And I hope you enjoy your birthday and a lovely family celebration.

Just as an aside @roastdinner346 how are you feeling about giving up on the friendship?

Do you have more friends to fall back on? You mentioned you haven’t been away without family before so I am presuming that you have close family relationships. I think for the moment focus on these other relationships.

Then in time focus on developing yourself though groups and hobbies and meet nicer people who won’t behave this way towards you.

And if she was invited to your actual birthday do, I'd be uninviting her straight away then block her on everything.

I voted YANBU but on second thoughts, you are definitely being unreasonable in staying at the hotel after she had gone off for the walk. If you had only gone to the loo, surely you could have caught her up afterward? Or even just gone on your own, as she did? I suspect you just did not want to go and was using the loo as a get-out clause. Be honest.

The talking to another family is a bit odd too - why not involve yourself in the conversation? You seem incredibly passive and now somewhat passive aggressive. But you and your friend do not seem to like one another, so I would learn from this and just find other friends.

The pebble is fine IMHO and she was a jerk about that.

She's bloody rude! And not a friend OP. Don't go away with her again.

all the people saying this: why? if you go away with a friend to celebrate their birthday, why be a dick and push off for a planned walk together without that person? how selfish do you have to be to do that (after all the other stuff)

my hope, OP, is that you didn't tell her you'd gone. And haven't spoken to her since.

I can understand why you feel upset with your friends behaviour,it seems you aren't compatible as friends.
The eye rolling re food was rude and inappropriate although some people live to eat,others eat to live and they can annoy each other)
You shouldnt take pebbles/shells off the beach (in many places its illegal _Uk coastal protection act 1949) because they protect against coastal erosion and it destroys natural habitat. so saying you shouldn't do it is not unreasonable but your friend didnt need to shame you in the shop in front of others.
Differences in social interactions is inevitable,people are different. If your friend knows about your hearing loss and its affects on you socially it seems odd she woudnt have any understanding of your difficulties in hearing and how that may affect you in a group socially.
"Im happy to socialise if i'm included" seems to indicate you expect other to do "include' you rather than you having free will to join in.
The pissing off when you went to the toilet is rude .
Did you get your relative to pick you up before the weekend was over or at the end of the weekend?Did you tell your friend you were leaving and why?
I dont think you unreasonable t say im not enjoying this because you seem not to be enojying my company and that makes me upset so its best for me if i go home.
Im sorry your friend behaviour made you upset ,we cant control how others conduct themselves only how we do.

Lol! Only on Mumsnet is it normal to go from having one close friend to blocking them on everything in the course of about twenty minutes.

She sounds inconsiderate but I would love to hear your friend’s side of the story. Perhaps if you had communicated the way you were feeling it would have been a happier time for both of you?

To me though it seems very weird to be in the bathroom for so long though that you can't catch up with a friend. By the time you had finished surely depending on size of hotel they would only just be outside the building. Not exactly hard to catch up with!

I wonder who initiated the holiday. I was thinking it was the OP but I am not so sure.

Just to clarify, I didn't want to stop for food 3 times a day, I got eye rolls for thinking about having 1 meal a day.

The hearing loss is a recent thing, I've had a hearing test, but i have been told unless you're over 50, and opticians cannot give you a hearing aids, it has to be at a hospital, and my appointment for that isn't for a few weeks.

I didn't spend 3 hours on the toilet. She was putting something in the car, and I gathered then she was waiting for me, when I got there I realised she wasn't.
Im more than happy to walk by myself, but we went away together, so I just presumed we would be doing things together.
I could of caught her up, but clearly if she wanted me with her, she would have waited.
Yes I could have done something by myself, but it was the fact she knew I wanted to go to do that too. I'm not a needy person, I just think if you're going away with someone, that you have to acknowledge that they're there.
I did infact do something on my own, I went to eat, as a packet of crisps a day just wasn't cutting it.

Im also not needy for wanting someone to pick me up. I looked into getting the train back, but that isn't easy when it's 3.30pm on a Sunday. I could have stayed, but I just couldn't face being given looks for being hungry, or being put down infront of strangers.