Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

[roastdinner346]

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week.
Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family.
A few things really got to me.
Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈
The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places.
She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small.
Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in.
She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me.
I will happily speak to people, if I'm included.
Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front.
I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone.
So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.
At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home.
For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there.
Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

In the UK, it is generally illegal to remove sand, pebbles, or shells from public beaches under the Coast Protection Act 1949. Taking these materials can lead to fines of up to £1,000, as they act as natural coastal defenses against erosion. While small, harmless souvenirs are often tolerated, large-scale removal is prohibited

Gently, OP, it sounds like an unpleasant weekend because of mismatched expectations, something you possibly have little experience of if you’ve never gone away except with family, who know all your ways and vice versa.

For instance, knowing (presumably) that your friend was on weight loss drugs and had no appetite, did you not think to discuss how you would handle meals in advance of the weekend? Or consider whether sharing rooms, if this is your first time ever going away with a friend, might not have been the best idea? You both clearly rubbed one another up the wrong way, to the point where she was talking more to other people and left for a walk without telling you and you suddenly went home early.

Have you heard from her at all @roastdinner346 ?

@KeepOffTheQuinoa How do you get the correlation between having never been on holiday with friends and being needy?

meh. I have IBS and when i need to go - especially if going for a walk and not sure when i am going to get another chance - i need to go.

It is absolutely a dick move to just go for the walk without the friend, whose birthday you are supposedly celebrating.

Yes, this is very much one of those posts where I'd be really interested to hear the other persons perspective.

It's all very well sharing your version and us taking your word that you were a perfect companion, but sometimes we can be alarmingly unaware of our own behaviour. Or, perhaps your friend was going through something you weren't aware of.

I guess we'll never know. Unless we're lucky enough that your friend is also a Mumsnet user and shares her side - which weirdly NEVER seems to happen.

She is not your friend, I'm so sorry. Happy 40th btw

what would other friend's perspective be?
Went away with friend to celebrate her milestone birthday. She wanted to eat food once a day but i have WLI injections so that would be wasting valuable selfie time.

I made her look a fool in a shop by shouting at her about a pebble because i am an environmentalist and must take every opportunity to remind EVERYONE that we are only custodians, not owners, of the planet.

I think she might be a bit deaf because when we were in the bar i had to repeat things because she couldn't quite hear them. So i spoke to another family instead because it was exhausting having to repeat myself. So i didn't look like a bad friend i told them she was an introvert and totally ok sitting quietly talking to nobody at all.

Then on the last day we were going for a walk, but she went to the toilet and after a minute or two i decided to go anyway, she could catch up right? Lazy mare, probably because of all the food she is constantly eating, didn't bother.

that kind of thing?

@roastdinner346 what are you going to do next? Line underneath and move on? keeping friend at more of a distance?

We're only hearing your side of things OP. Whilst your friend does sound like she behaved badly in parts, I find the whole going off while you're in the loo a bit odd. Did you takes ages, and do you generally faff about before leaving? Why didn't you just catch her up? Either way though, the two of you aren't compatible travel companions.

Yes I could have done something by myself, but it was the fact she knew I wanted to go to do that too. I'm not a needy person, I just think if you're going away with someone, that you have to acknowledge that they're there.

It’s your break too, you should have gone for the seafront walk.

Not going on the walk to force her to acknowledge that you were left on your todd was cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I came here to ask this! Seriously?? She has to be the ‘friend’

> being put down infront of strangers.

I don't understand how you know what she told them, when you couldn't hear the conversation enough to join in? Are you being a bit over-sensitive about that?

> I could of caught her up, but clearly if she wanted me with her, she would have waited.

She was probably thinking "If she wants to go for a walk she'll catch me up".

I think that's quite a normal way of doing things? It sounds perhaps as though you didn't really communicate what you wanted?

This is more to stop people taking buckets full for their gardens not one pebble. We live near the Dorset Jurassic coast and people come with hammer and chisel looking for fossils in the stones and take them home.

Yes I could have done something by myself, but it was the fact she knew I wanted to go to do that too

This makes no sense. You wanted to do the walk by the seafront, but didn't because she had gone ahead instead of waiting for you 🤔

The expression "you cut off your nose to spite your face" seems to apply here

We have to get the friend’s version!

Once my two dsises went on holiday together. Upon returning, I received a long phone call from dsis2 telling me how appalling dsis1 had been, shouting and storming off. Lo and behold I get another call, this time from dsis1, complaining about dsis2, who apparently had been on the phone to her dh all the time, whispering at night and face-timing during meals etc.

YANBU she sounds like a bitch.

Surely you go away together so therefore do things together.

The whole meal thing is odd - going out for food on holiday is part of the enjoyment.
Surely even people on jabs still enjoy food and the fun of going out for a meal.

You’re not allowed to take pebbles home from the beach and some people get very triggered by it.

Going on the walk without you is just plain rude and I too would have gone home after that final straw.

Book a weekend away by yourself to make up for it and then you can do what you want.
I would absolutely distance myself from her.

She sounds like a prick

The toilet/missed walk thing: any chance she was just giving you some privacy and you were supposed to catch her up? Loads of people do this. Did you just sit there and wait for her? I would certainly have taken myself off alone! You owed her nothing at that stage.

The dinner thing: she was rude, yes. Was this her way of trying to be funny, or maybe excusing you from having to chat to people you hadn't chosen to? Annoying but maybe well-meaning? I've also had this done to me. "oh she's an introvert, she hates everyone!" when I'm in fact happy to chat.

The pebble thing: I knew it was illegal but I've only known since I moved to the north a few years ago. It certainly didn't need yelling about.

Is she generally just loud and obnoxious? I have friends of wildly differing personalities, and while we get on great with phone calls etc., I know we'd end up killing each other if we went away together.

She doesn't sound nice but you sound rather needy, why didn't you do something yourself when she went without you? I don't really talk to strangers on holidays but plenty do, her comment to them was horrible but she was on holiday too, not just there to entertain you.

When you put it like that, I’m surprised the woman would have any friends at all. It all sounds very extreme.

But whatever the actual middle ground, objective observer version would look like it is clear from her behaviour that this woman does not like the OP and from the way the OP has written about it she does not like this woman either.

She sounds like a Hangry person, maybe the jabs are affecting her, or was she always like this?

Also it's not just one or two people doing it - it's thousands of people each taking home a small number of pebbles every time they go to the beach

IIRC wasn't Caroline Lucas rebuked by Brighton council for removing a handful of pebbles - and setting a bad example?

She might even have been threatened with prosecution

Sorry you didn’t enjoy your weekend OP, but this all sounds a bit odd. I am wondering how well you knew your friend before the weekend away, and if you had discussed plans together? It certainly sounds as if you are incompatible travelling companions, but as someone who doesn’t know either you or your friend, I would be interested in hearing her view as to some of the things here, such as the walk and the conversation with the other family .

You certainly aren’t unreasonable to want to eat and I agree that for most people that’s quite a big part of a weekend away, even if it’s only discussing how you can eat cheaply. And I wouldn’t have known about the pebble on the beach either.

Some people seem to be bending over backwards to stick up for the friend. It's not matched expectations at all, it's a very rude friend! It's not normal to go out and leave another friend behind without saying anything it really isn't.
OP what's your friendship normally like?