Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

[roastdinner346]

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week.
Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family.
A few things really got to me.
Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈
The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places.
She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small.
Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in.
She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me.
I will happily speak to people, if I'm included.
Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front.
I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone.
So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.
At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home.
For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there.
Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

Yes. Listen to Ruby OP

dump the friend. What a nasty piece of work.

you did the right thing OP. Well done.
Now move on.

They keep saying that about the pinecones in the California mountains too - how it’s bad to take even one because if everybody took just one…
And yet, there’s pinecones everywhere, wherever you go in the mountains.
My grandpa used to use them for kindling.

YANBU - apart from the pebble, you really shouldn’t be taking them from anywhere

Not necessarily, I’d be interested to hear the friend’s version of events here, nobody goes on holiday with the intention of having a bad time and falling out with the person they’re away with.

Sometimes you don't realise how fucking irritating people are until you're with them 24/7!

I once went on holiday with a friend who was a good laugh and "liked" a drink. Because I'd never spent more than just a day or evening in their company, I didn't realise they were actually a total pisshead. Every day involved an hour or so of visiting somewhere, or a walk, followed by hours in the pub, then a "nap". The evenings were the same. They were passed out pissed by 10pm every night.

I'm more than partial to a drink myself, but not to the point of getting legless twice a day for a week.

“Friend” sounds hideous. It’s normal to want to eat, normal to want to use the loo before you go on a long walk and many people take pebbles from
beaches, rightly or wrongly. A friend wouldn’t lambast you like that in public or tell others you hate people. I wonder why she behaved that way? Is it normal for her to be cruel? Or could something have happened or have you unknowingly said something that has peed her off? Or eg is she jealous of your 40th bday celebration plans?

My ex years ago said you don't find out what people are like until you go travelling together!
Sorry OP, she's not a good friend, she's rude, judgemental and selfish and sounds like she gets a kick in putting you down. Sorry the whole holiday was a bit of a washout. And I hope you kept that pebble :-)

I have a friend from school who is like this - we went away for the weekend around this time last year. We have shared childhood memories and I'm genuinely fond of her (and I think she of me) but in our 50s we've nothing in common and she lives on social media. I was driven distracted with her 😁 and she probably was with me too. So I'll stick with WhatsApp messages and we'll travel with other people

Ugh ‘jealous’ is such a cop out childish response to anyone being irritated with you.

End the friendship. She's a massive nob. Whatever you think of the pebble thing, most people would not loudly call their friend out in a public place over this. It's a pebble, not murder.

Agreed, people’s ideas of holidays can be so wildly different.

I went away with a friend once and it was like a military operation, yes I wanted to see the sights but I didn’t want to get up at 6am every day with a schedule that didn’t allow for a coffee stop if we spotted a nice cafe :)

You get to see what people are really like when away. It sounds like you don’t have much in common and time to let friendship go.
Some will be in the detail. Your last comment about having nothing to do all day sounds very odd, presumably you picked location of your trip and had things you wanted to do. She’s gone off which on face of it is quite rude but if it was a pattern of her waiting around for you then less so. But you could have done exactly what you had planned.
The food thing if you had a few nice restaurants planned and she refused that’s one thing. If you were wanting to stop frequently for tea and cake and she’s wanting to get on and sightsee that’s just different expectations.

You are not good trip companions, that much is clear.

It is difficult for me to say who is unreasonable as I wasn't there. Seems very strange that she just took off while you were in the toilet, leaving you behind. What would her perspective on that be? Why did she do that?

But there's a hundred billion on the beaches where I am according to scientific estimates. Not just millions. Seriously, everyone in the UK could have one and not make a dent. The beaches are all pebbles for miles and the pebbles are many feet deep.

it sounds like you’re used to going on holiday with people where you are including part of everything and everything gets done together.

It sounds like she’s used to going on holiday slightly more independently.
Is she well travelled?

She’s been a dick, no doubt, but I do think you’ve got different expectations.

The walk thing for example, She was rude to go off without you though perhaps she wanted a bit of time on her own as it can be very intense sharing a room with someone on holiday if you’re not used to it. However, she needs to say that. Unless she felt pressurised to do everything together with you?

So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.

Why did you not go out by yourself?

Your language is interesting as well, You said my friend was ‘leaving me’ sounds a bit victim-y.

I would phrase that, for example, as ‘my friend went off for a walk without alone when we made an agreement to go together’

One of your early sentences in the OP said you’re only used to going on holiday with family where I think all of this is more normal, maybe

genuinely not trying to be nasty-I know the word victim doesn’t sound nice - But It just speaks to the different expectations

But not everyone does take pebbles home. Last time I looked there were still millions of pebbles. Literally millions.

OP your friend is a nasty bitch.

The point is though, theyre supposed to be there though, right? The tides wash them up, take them back etc.. it’s nature. You’re just disrupting it, even if, as you say, it’s only to a tiny keel. They’re just pebbles too. What harm is it to leave them?

Why did you go away with her? I’m certain she is just as awful when not on holiday.

YANBU. She doesn't sound like a friend. Mean and judgemental. I'd sack her off ASAP.
Also, go get your hearing tested at specsavers. Sounds like you could do with a hearing aid. It will improve your life, believe me.

She was definitely unkind to walk off without you but you also sound a bit clingy. You have very different personalities by the sound of it.

I think @Springisnearlyspring has articulated my thoughts well. Is it just a case of mismatched expectations?

Exactly.

“If everyone took one blah blah” but they DON’T do they. It’s doesn’t happen and it isn’t going to.

Your friend sounds very self absorbed. I would have gone on the walk anyway and let her carry on in front. I know she made you feel awful so I’m not surprised if you didn’t feel like doing that. I wouldn’t be contacting her or suggesting catching up again after this.