In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

You're being dramatic

I agree with you - no 6 year old needs to know how much they will inherit. I think it could be damaging to your youngest and this is what would anger me most.

Never too young to discuss the related finances

Bizarre post. Is there so much money that care bills won't impact. Surely a lot can happen in the future that could eat into inheritance. Its best not to count other people's money.

By choosing to have 2 children with 2 different fathers, this could always happen unfortunately. It’s harsh and yes the in-laws could have been a bit more discreet about it.

Are you going to say how much or keep dodging the question?

Tbf I mock but I do believe you , my niece by a similar age used to ask for her birthday money to be paid into her bank so that she could earn interest … she had a basic understanding of what interest was, and used to love being tested on maths questions . We would often stand in a queue and work out her ‘shopping’ cost and then her change from £5 for example . If they’re keen on maths/ learning , it helps ☺️

OP’s husband isn’t her father, and doesn’t consider her to be his daughter. He hasn’t ever pretended to be anything other than what he is. He’s also of the same opinion as his family.

He’s repeatedly told OP that this is her problem to get over. She won’t accept it though, but nor is she willing to leave him.

IIRC he didn’t want to marry at all, something OP told him she was fine with until she accidentally fell pregnant and her mother apparently insisted that they marry. Maybe she thought because he acquiesced to marriage that he’d fall in line when it came to the rest too, but he didn’t and won’t. So she periodically picks fight to lose.

But it’s ok for there to be inequality between children with one sibling getting to grow up with both parents and one having to have a step family, because that suits you, right?

You chose this situation, including the parts of it that are out of your control.

I was speaking to my 7yo about compound interest the other day! Good thing to learn. Although didn’t stop her blowing her birthday money on Pokemon cards. At least it’s an asset.

I’d just let it go, the conversation is done, at 6 it’ll be forgotten about or just not that interesting, not really worth the stress. It’s just an unfortunate reality of blended families really. It won’t be the last time.

There was a thread on here when I first joined Mumsnet. A poster had inherited money from her paternal grandparents. Her father had remarried and she had two step brothers. She had a lot of pressure put on her by her stepmother to give equal shares of her inheritance to her two step brothers. She was early twenties at the time and she wanted to please and feel part of the family. so she divided her inheritance with her step brothers. She went on to have a profoundly disabled child and she regretted giving away so much money which she needed for her own child. Her stepbrothers had used her money as deposits for houses and they wanted little to do with her or her disabled son.
It was a sad thread. There was nothing she could do because she had given it away willingly in the eyes of the law but at that stage she didn't know what the future held for her. It is quite wrong to force a young person to share an inheritance.

@SpanishFork
If it’s purely that you feel an almost 7 year old is too young to be given that level of detail then why didn’t your OP just say that? Instead, you’ve really centred it around the fact you have a 10 year old with a different father who won’t be as well off.

Tbh when would have been a good time for this information to be disclosed? Could have been even harder when the children are older, going through teenage years and then uni. And as there was a chance your younger dd would be told by her cousins anyway, at least it’s better to be transparent rather than looking like you’re hiding information. As a beneficiary, the child has a right to know.

I 100% agree with treating children equally when they have the same parents/ grandparent or whichever family member is leaving an inheritance. But in this case, they don’t have the same father and it seems entirely reasonable that someone will leave money to blood relatives. It’s not your younger daughter’s fault that the half sibling may not get left anything by her relatives. She shouldn’t be punished or have information concealed from her just to make you feel better

In your opinion. I don’t want to burden my young children with specifics. They’re not mature enough and they’re busy learning a lot of other things right now which are far more important in my opinion.
I’d be very annoyed too, unless we’re talking a small inheritance. I’m assuming from the OP’s response, it’s a significant/life changing amount of money.

The basic premise of what a pension is, isn’t difficult to grasp. I don’t think it’s weird for a six year old to be capable of it.

Financial education starting early is quite common, especially in families where having and managing wealth is just a fact of life. Op’s husband was likely made aware at the same age as his daughter now is, hence why it’s a non issue for him.

Is this the same poster then who is clearly an awful mother to her younger child in her quest to ensure her oldest gets everything she wants- oddly is always financial or material things she posts about.

Thats actually really horrible that you don’t treat YOUR children equally. One shouldn’t receive less just because they will inherit for others.

what would you do if when at working age one earns more than the other, you going to top up the wages for one of them to make if equal.

Awesome - wealth skipping generations, meaning that working adults still can't buy houses.

The child has inherited from her father’s great uncle, who has already died. Presumably at this point the amount of inheritance is known.

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable at all op.

I would be annoyed if my in laws discussed this with my child. To me yes, children do need openness about money but I think it's for the parents to decide how and when to disclose information so yes on that basis they've over stepped. Personally I'd have wanted to keep it hidden to an extent until I knew they were old enough to use it sensibly rather than have them growing up expecting it. Obviously everyone is different with this but it should be the parents decision.

Calm down @District66

you have two children. You are saving for just one. I asked a question.

I'm genuinely so surprised that anyone would consider this inappropriate to share with a child, or so sensitive it needs the permission of both parents. My children inherited money when the eldest was around that age and it never occurred to me not to tell him. It was nice for him to know that Grandma Lulu (his great grandmother) had wanted to give him a present after she died, and that's the way I framed it. He's now 8 and I'm not even sure he'd remember at all, or the specific amount if so, but I just really didn't see it as a big deal to tell him - it's inheritance so it'll be legally his at 18, so he needs to know about it quite a bit before then. His brother was too young to understand then, but we'll talk to them both quite a bit about it before they get to the age it is actually relevant.

suggested that I was going to split the eldests child support between the two of them to equal it up. Everybody went fucking bat shit about that and suggested that the eldest money was the eldests money.

too right they went bat shit. Because money from your eldest’s father for her care is different to a relative’s inheritance

YANBU. Obviously with half siblings there is always the possibility of different prospects. You can’t make everything equal.

However it was handled insensitively. Your DH should see this. It should have been discussed first with you as parents so that you could agree on a strategy to managed any possible disappointment on your eldest’s part.

I agree with a pp’s suggestion to set up a savings plan so that by the time your DD comes into her inheritance there is no disparity between your two DC.

This won’t be popular but I think a six year old is far too young to process the concept and implications of inheritance. Talk to children about money by all means, but make it about how they gain and grown their own savings. And keep it to a scale they can understand.

Relevant because ? Newsflash…lifes not fair .

I'm talking about both parents talking together first about how they will approach introducing a new and potentially fraught concept to their child. I'm not saying op should override her husband, but that it makes sense to discuss it first. Isn't that basic? Don't know why this is being made to be so weird.

As far as consent goes, yes her partner is an equal parent but his parents are not.