In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

It's not the way I would've shared such important information if I were DH,

He knows OP's going to have a fit. His family knows too. He's going to be open and transparent with his child about money. He's willing to live with OP being mad. She's always mad about his family's money but she's not going anywhere and he knows it.

They took her out of the equation. Just like the inheiritances bypassing her husband and going to the blood related grandchildren.

My late husband's elderly aunt has made me one of her main beneficiaries in her will, which is extraordinarily kind of her. What she would have left to him, she's left to me.
But when she goes I'll be signing a deed of variation so that the money goes to my children. They need it more (and she loves them too) and it's also tax efficient, and takes the money out of the pot should I ever need care.

It's really not unusual for wills to miss a generation, either by design or by deed of variation

This.

Also others here should not confuse this situation with normal parenting duties. This is a situation of ils and grandparents making these difficult decisions which they feel reflect their wishes.

as a parent- you don’t go around telling your small children oh when I die, I will leave you with this and that. No, what you do is gently give them knowledge about money and also gently guide them by saying, as parents, you will be supporting them as much as possible.. so you don’t have to worry about they becoming lazy thinking they inherit. The only reason which I see here in which you want to share such sensitive information with a young child is in circumstances like the ones we are discussing here. These are Normal circumstances..

That's going to be a huge disparity in wealth.

How are you and the real dad and step dad going to allow for that when older daughter is 18 and can't pay for uni or get on the property ladder ?

How old is daughter 1.
Can you start investing for her as well have you already ?

It's excellent your little one is being exposed to investing and is leaning about compound interest however this may be more valuable than the actual money

So if this was me I'd be putting my energy into how to level up no 1.
Small amounts will compounds in the scotch maket.
Have you got dd1 a stocks and share junior ISA if not get one open now minimum to open about 100 then you can add and get dads both to add.
.

• and the investing will also mean older DD gets financial training.

That was part of my point. There isn't a way for them to have a discussion about this that won't result in OP seeing her arse.

But yeah, it's either a deal breaker or it isn't.

It's done , non of it matters . Moving forward it can be a hugely positive thing.

Op is odd. 90% of people would celebrating their child has inherited such a tidy sum from an uncle nobody expected to inherit from.

again, or are you just really angry it was not left to DH so you can get your hands on it?

are you guys living in your forever home or do you still need to move?

I can’t work this out at all. There must be a massive backstory if your husband didn’t tell you. I can’t imagine why that would occur to anyone and of course your child should and would know they have inherited. The cousins all did so it will come up and would be an odd thing to try to hide. The massive issue here is that for some reason no one thought you’d react well to this and they all decided not to tell you about it.

You of course need to make a plan for this money and find out the details - who can access it, what it can be used for, when your daughter will have control over it and of course what it’s doing right now. It has nothing to do with your other daughter.

I would have a serious chat with your husband though as something has gone wrong between you.

I think OP you have a very particular view on money, it doesn't mean its the only way to see this topic though. You also seem to have strong beliefs about the right of parents vs other family members to talk about money, is that also the case for other topics?

Money is all around us, like politics and religion - we cannot always control who shares and how information gets disemminated. Perhaps it would help you to spend some time thinking about why you have such a strong emotional reaction to this before you go further with your family members. You still have a strong influence on how your children think about money although ultimately they will find their own positions. The family members who you feel spoke out of turn may well have had good intentions, it would be a shame if you allowed this to cause division. You are still entitled to share your views on how you think money should be managed, perhaps by exposing your children to a range of views you can help them work towards their own sense of fairness and their value base as they grow up. Expecting it all to happen when they are young adults is probably not as protective a path as you think it may be. Whether they have been given a small amount of money or a larger one, the principles are what is important of how they relate to money - how they save and think about the future.

Hmmm, maybe.

remember those who say if you don’t know how to be with money, you will be without Bonney Wetherby salary was 100k or 50k pa. True.

I think you could read it as:
"You will be without money whether your salary is 100k or 50k"

What do you think?

So you've gone and found other posts that she's made in the past? And come up with all this background info'?

How 'forensic' of you. You're clearly a lot more invested in MN than I am. Good luck with that, I guess.

But the 10 year old IS NOT their grandchild

Memorious, rather than forensic. Arguably that is the luck, given that knowing the wider context tends to be quite helpful.

Quite apart from any other consideration children can be pretty mean at times, let's hope the youngster doesn't rub her older sisters nose in it at any point.

Your husband is 100% right. It's good to understand money from a young age, and she would have learnt about it from her cousins.

You're also being insincere. If you ONLY angry about grandparents discussing inheritance with your 6 yo, why mention your other child this thread?!

The real reason you're angry is that you're upset about your eldest child. You need to get over this, apologise to your poor husband, and stop being a diva.

This is the worst idea I've ever read, showing favouritism towards a child. But I guess one one will still love you..

Yes this can go wrong. My mum left 80% of everything to my brother to has a different dad because the assumed that the other 3 of us would get money from our dad. Which turned out not to be the case.

It would never have even entered our heads that we shouldn't bother studying because of an inheritance! Bizarre that anyone would think that way.

He'd probably be better off without this drama..

I agree at six the child did not need to know. I hope it does not come between the two sisters later on.
I agree that the Mother should start ( if she can) to put money away for the older child.
I do think the younger ones Father should have told you though. I personally would have been annoyed at that.

Is it really likely to be an amount that they can comfortably live on for the rest of their lives, @TheEveningSun ?
Because the vast majority of people get some sort of inheritance, it really doesn’t affect their desire to go to Uni/do whatever necessary to follow their chosen career.
I suspect your concerns may be somewhat exaggerated.

I think the Mum is doing this to correct the imbalance. The younger child has 77k guaranteed. I would do the same. Its about making thi gs more equal.
I have a partner, we will not get married, we are happy as we are, however, what is his goes to his adult children, and what is mine will go to mine.

my husabnd is completely and utterly financially illiterate and it caused me so much stress and problems

Its crazy telling a 6 year old this info..it should have been run by Mum. At 6, 77k might aswell be 7k or 7 million. They don't grasp figures at that age. I agree its hard on your older child. I would be tempted to try get her a fund going or something unless its likely she will also inherit a huge amount from her grandparents for eg
I have never been in this position. My parents didn't inherit from either sets of their parents. No help whatsoever. Everything went to youngest son in both families. Its overall a positive thing though, you just need a plan for it. I would be explaining to kid that inherited that this isnt something to be talked about at school.