Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

WTF is a wedding wishing well?! Not another ridiculous American import along with baby showers, ‘gender’ reveal parties and smashing-up cakes? 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m only 45 but often feel like the world for people a few years younger than me has gone stark raving bonkers.

Where have you been for the past 2 decades? 🤣 Pretty much every wedding I've been to as an adult has used this wording or similar.

On the one hand it's rude to demand a gift. On the other hand it's also pretty rude to accept a free meal and day out that likely costs around £50-100 a head and not at least contribute something back. Notes like this are just to let the guest know that the ball is in your court so just give or don't give. It's not that deep.

Also, I've never heard of a 'wishing well' but I presume it's a way of people contributing without the bride and groom knowing how much you've contributed? I think this is especially gracious as it saves any embarrassment if a guest can only contribute a tiny amount or not at all. What's the problem with it?

@Brewtiful I’m hoping they do! My Dd doesn’t want anything arriving on the day! Just log in to the wine merchant and choose an amount to give. Lots of things are done electronically now too. Invitations and dave the date, for example. Guests register to attend and then get invitations at a later date. No money wells on the day I hope. Looks a bit like a begging bowl. I’d do optional presents a bit more discreetly.

Our wedding invitation said something similar.

We didn't need any "gifts" because they'd go to waste, but guests often want to give a gift - so basically, if you want to give something, cash is preferred.

Our cash gifts went towards our honeymoon and it was amazing.

Oh does it matter to you what she wrote. You’re her sister, you’re obviously going to give her a gift, whether that’s anything from a £10 gift to £500 in an envelope, it’s up to you.

I don't moan about my decisions. I think about them and make an informed choice. And take full responsibility for it. What's the point of moaning, exactly?

It means we don’t expect presents but if you really feel you must give one, money would be best.
Yes it’s talking about money, it’s not that important! Just go and have fun!

Notwithstanding the fact it's the OP's own sister. Otherwise, I do kind of agree.

To me, wording like this on the invite says "although we're not going to actually ask you for money outright, if we don't get some money, we'll be a bit pissed off".

Asking for money for a gift/giving money as a gift? Fine. Saying you don't want a gift but then mentioning there'll be a receptacle to put money in? Bit of an arm twist in my opinion.

(I think my username might be quite appropriate by the end of this post - I'll grab the popcorn and run!)

I like what your sisters wrote. Attending a wedding is super expensive in itself and lots of people are having a hard time at the moment. It’s no pressure to give. However, if you did want to give a present it’s nice to know they would prefer money than a gift. Everyone likes a bit of direction. Like a birthday or Christmas list, you’re never telling anyone you must buy me these things but a bit of guidance saves everyone wasting their money on unwanted gifts.

First you totally miss the part about it being OPs sisters wedding then you assume she’s British and you’re missing the whole point of the post. Op hasn’t wrote a ‘horrible’ thing about her sisters wedding. They’re just wondering why they’ve picked both options of we don’t want a gift and we do actually want a gift but cash. Op has been to weddings with wishing wells so the concept of giving cash as a gift is not foreign to her. Also by saying they are travelling a long way with a baby to attend the wedding does not in anyway insinuate OP thinks they are doing her sister a favour by attending

It’s not that hard to comprehend is it?

You’re fine to just come along and celebrate but if you want to get us something there’s a wishing well - so we don’t get 100 toasters.

It might not be what you would say, but it’s hardly an unusual sentiment in such a situation is it.

Just do what you want op and enjoy your sister’s celebration?

Much prefer to give money as a present, saves me trying to choose something and also they can use the money for so many things, saves waste.

I'm actually surprised so many posters seem so easily confused over the wording. You would think it was pretty self explanatory but evidently not...

This. I absolutely cringe when it's mentioned on the invite.

I don't mind the wishing wells or post boxes at the wedding. It's more the mention beforehand- and we got a lovely mixture of gifts, money or vouchers and no repeats of anything without suggesting anything on invitations.

I don’t get all this fuss about people asking for money. The world has a very serious over-consumption problem and landfill crisis. God forbid people speak up that they don’t want useless tat for one of the biggest gift-giving events of their lives. It’s also perfectly realistic to acknowledge that even if you say you don’t want gifts, people will feel obliged to give them anyway. There is nothing wrong with monetary gifts that are actually useful.

I’ve never come across a wishing well in this context before, is it just to throw loose notes in? As a guest, I would want the couple to know if and what id given, so I don’t really like that idea. Also as the couple getting married, I’d want to be able to thank people who had given me money, but I wouldn’t know who had ? Unless I’m just not understanding the wishing well here!

Quite a mean spirited reaction. How do you know they are not entirely genuine in what they’re saying.

If they just said “your presence is present enough” lots of people would buy them gifts anyway. I certainly would.

So the wishing well thing just gives another option.

Jeeze people are so fucking nit picky about other people’s weddings 🙄

To me, wording like this on the invite says "although we're not going to actually ask you for money outright, if we don't get some money, we'll be a bit pissed off".
Whereas I'd take it at face value because I don't think people are inherently arseholes. And I'd therefore assume it meant what it says - no presents totally fine but if you want to cash is easiest and much appreciated.

I think it’s fine. You don’t need to take a gift (it’s absolutely expected at some weddings) but if you want to they’d prefer cash. Which is absolutely fine imo as I’d rather that people used cash towards something they want or need.

Why do we have to buy a present for people who are usually on their third marriage and live together anyway it winds me up,

Yes you've misunderstood. It's just a safe place to put envelops and cards.

I'd read it as they really don't want presents or money, just you, but if you really want to give something you can put a fiver in the well

Oh okay, that makes more sense! I was just imagining chucking loose money in a well.

It's not having it both ways. I genuinely don't want or need more stuff but it is impossible to get some people to accept that. I have done deals with people not to buy Xmas presents for each other at their request and then they've turned up with something saying they didn't want to have nothing to give. I think it's a really clear message that they don't want any presents, but that if people do feel the urge to give something it should be cash rather than a thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

If you really don’t want presents then agree with other posters, any money goes to charity. They dint mean the thing about no presents, they want cash would be how I read it.