Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

For the third time
As I said to the previous poster who asked this faux naive question about why men can't wear sexy clothes, sexy underwear designed for and worn by women is worn by women because of societal conditioning of what is stereotypically sexy for women.

Men wearing the same underwear are applying the same social stereotyping and conditioning applied to women but on themselves. If that mutually floats both parties' boats, then trot on.

Of course any "sexy" dressing is presumably intended to have a positive effect on a partner. I'd find this repulsive.

There is a lot of deliberate naivety here, even the story from the contradictory OP.

Men's underwear comes in more styles than just boxers. Men want tighter fitting underwear? Buy some briefs!

Women find men's boxers comfortable? Ever thought about buying women's boxers?

Seriously, someone posted about OddBalls (they sell both genders), Calvin Klein do too. You can get the same style underwear for both men and women but the shaping is obviously different based on sex.

Stop with this nonsense that men don't like loose boxers so therefore the only option is to buy women's underwear! Buy some tight fitting men's briefs instead!

Fully expect the next excuse for a man cross-dressing will be "he wears shorts but finds it cold, so therefore he's started wearing a miniskirt with stockings and suspenders".

Maybe he is keeping the knickers as trophies.

This. The options for comfortable mens underwear are endless. He's wearing specifically BECAUSE they're womens.

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Countless

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 please don’t tell me you claim to be a feminist

I’m sorry but women wearing boxers is entirely different to men wearing women’s lingerie. Anyone who says differently is being obtuse.

And you don’t have a clue what it’s like to be attracted to women - many lesbians don’t wear women’s knickers at all. Many wear men’s boxers. No one gasps when they take their trousers off and think “oh they must have some weird sexual fetish and they probably want to be a man”

And no it’s not because they’re more comfortable. You can get very comfortable women’s knickers. It’s because they’re like feeling a bit more masculine. But people still don’t get creeped out by this because they’re women

Yes many lesbians have this “fetish”. A few may by autoandrophiliacs but the vast majority are not. Ime 90% of lesbians like using strap-ons. 90% of of lesbians do not want to be men. It’s a harmless sexual “fetish”, if you can even go so far as to call it that, considering how common it is. I am not an autoandrophiliac, I don’t get turned on wearing men’s boxers or other men’s clothes.
I feel 100% like a woman and have never questioned my gender identity. Thanks for the unfounded diagnosis though. It’s literally just a during sex thing. I also like it when my partner uses a strap-on on me and I feel like I’m being fucked with a penis (not by a man, just by a penis). None of it makes sense! Because our sexuality and sex drives are complicated yet primal. We can’t always explain it. The point is, if it’s not harming anyone, why is it a big deal? If it’s a big deal to the OP, then fine, that’s a personal decision and she doesn’t need to accept it, but as for jumping to the conclusion that he must automatically be a sexual predator, or will go on to become one, is small-minded.

Or they could just buy women's boxers ..

Who are all these people that apparently don't like a particular style of underwear so just immediately buy the opposite sex underwear?

Ok then 🤣🙄

I am also curious as to why it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to wear something that makes her feel sexy (or indeed, to not wear something!), but thats not OK for a man

I don't care what 'men' wear. I'm all for people expressing themselves and as long as the knicker-wearing blokes still go in the gents, I couldn't give a tiny rats ass.

My dh is not random 'men' though. The thought of him feeling sexy in womens clothes is disgusting to me. It's not something I could ever find attractive in a man and it would be at odds with the last 20 years. For me, it would be relationship ending.

If men's boxers fitted me on my waist they definitely wouldn't fit round my arse. If they fitted round my arse they'd be huge at the waist and in either case what do I do with the extra material for the bits I don't have?

Sorry but this would give me the ick

Sorry, but you just don’t get it. Wearing women’s boxers wouldn’t be the same for them. They’re still women’s pants, they wear men’s pants as a way to express their masculine side. Wearing women’s boxers would not have the same effect

I am also curious as to why it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to wear something that makes her feel sexy (or indeed, to not wear something!), but thats not OK for a man.

It’s one of the very few ways that patriarchy works against men — that their options for dressing sexily tend to be looked upon with ridicule.

But a man wearing women’s underwear is something different.

Not sure what your being a lesbian has to do with anything but why do you think heterosexual women shouldn't have the right not to pander to male kink fetishes without being called "hysterical"?

This is all so Friends isnt it. Could be a man simply telling the truth about how they feel and secure with his masculinity. Every year when we put the Christmas tree up I insist my partner put on this Rudolph thong 🤣🤣 he is a very “meat and potato weight lifting 6ft 4” kinda guy. I wear his boxers all the time too. And I mean all the time. Doesn’t mean I want lettuce loving.

But that's not true. Why are posters conflating men not being able to wear women's sexy knickers, or even men's sexy knickers with men not being able to dress in a way that makes them more sexually attractive?

I don't agree that this is the patriarchy working against men just because the idea of "sexy" underwear, even if specifically designed for men, isn't really an option. Quite the opposite. Men's options rely on clothes, good grooming, (or lack of it) accessories - e.g Jim Morrison and Michael Hutchence in their leather trousers, Tom Hiddleston, Bryan Ferry and Robert Palmer in their beautifully tailored suits.

What’s he on about?

God some of you really need to get out a bit more.

Men wearing ladies knickers is not that uncommon as fetishes go.

It is quite possible he has never done a lot of detailed thinking about this and hasn’t put all the pieces together yet or fully explored exactly what it’s about or how far it goes.

If you’re sexually attached to object things it’s possible to enjoy them on a sensory and sexual level. It sound like it’s both for him.

There are lots of reasons men like this. For some it just feels sexy or naughty or taboo. For some it’s cross dressing. For some it’s humiliation/sissification. It’s pretty rare for it to be the start of AGP actually but of course you’re going to get people leaping to that on number which has a whole board for being angry about others peoples ‘gender’.

If it doesn’t change the way you feel about him, there are plenty of ways to deal with one person having a fetish and the other not. It requires honest communication and boundary setting and not being selfish and seeing the other person as a kink dispenser. Find out more about how to navigate this from a website about sex education and fetish/bdsm not mumsnet.

I am woman with various fetishes. We do exist. I’m not going to list them here but obviously people would act completely insane, but we’re not all monsters who force them on unwilling people.

He’d be shown the door