Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

It might be a better idea to find out if he has a bona when he's putting these knickers on to watch porn

It is the knickers with bows and lace trim which doesn't convince me. Maybe women's underwear is more comfortable but as a bloke would you really go for lace and bows....

YANBU

TIM in the making!

If my relationship was strong and I was happy, why would I give a shit about what underwear he wears?

Does wanking with no erection even work?

Plenty experts on this thread who can tell us.

I'd think those were exactly the knickers men who have a fetish for women's underwear wouvld go for, as they fit the stereotype that turns them on.

Such men aren't going for big pants such as I wear!

I would find it really off putting, especially the ones with the bows!
Saying that if a woman was to wear men's boxer short because they were more comfortable I don't think anyone would say anything.

It's a million miles from the truth. You are projecting.

By claiming that most men share this fetish you can pretend that being a creepy AGP is normal.

It might be the case that not all AGPs are trans, but it is certainly the driving force for many of them.

Gosh OP. @NickyKat. Only 6 years? I'd run.

And you are over-dramatising something that almost all straight men in a hetero relationship have done at least once. That's all I'm saying. I'm not talking about men who want to (claim to) be women. Just men who've tried something to see how it feels. And to be honest, it's widespread and perfectly healthy and normal.

I wear mens boxers when I have to, because they're more comfy - I have some fairly massive sensory issues and rarely wear any at all but there are times I do have to.

No one has EVER raised an eyebrow and you'd think they would as 50% of the time I am wearing mens boxers, its because a stranger needs to see me in my pants.

I am also curious as to why it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to wear something that makes her feel sexy (or indeed, to not wear something!), but thats not OK for a man.

almost all straight men in a hetero relationship have done at least once.

Not true.

This is a projection on your part, and one you have admitted you don't actually know is true. You might want to believe it, because it makes you feel better about yourself, but that doesn't make it true.

it's widespread and perfectly healthy and normal.

It is not widespread or normal and in many cases it is not harmless.

Read through the replies on this thread. Most women would be horrified if their life partners were indulging in this kind of fetish. They obviously know it's not normal or harmless.

I'm a bit sceptical by all these people who find underwear designed for the opposite sex so much more comfortable than underwear designed for the specific configuration of their sex, body shape and body parts but taking that at face value to answer your points.

If your second paragraph is referring to a health worker needing to see you in your pants I'd be stunned, shocked, amazed and incredulous at hearing of any health worker letting you know in any way what they thought of it.

So far as your third paragraph as I said to the previous poster who asked this sexy underwear designed for and worn by women is worn by women because of societal conditioning of what is stereotypically sexy for women. Men wearing the same underwear are applying the same social stereotyping and conditioning on themselves. If that mutually floats both parties' boats, then trot on.

Personally I would find a man getting off on wearing underwear designed for women repulsive and, you know what, nobody has the right to tell me I'm wrong in thinking it's repulsive.

This is so persuasive that I now think the OP is an exceptionally lucky woman, to live and sleep with such a hero who prances around in women’s knickers with little bows on them.

I'm a bit sceptical by all these people who find underwear designed for the opposite sex so much more comfortable than underwear designed for the specific configuration of their sex, body shape and body parts but taking that at face value to answer your points.

Exactly. It's not like it's either boxers or ladies knickers. Males have briefs. And Y fronts. They contain everything. Ask your partner if he's ever tried male briefs, if he's not keen on boxers.

Nothing to do with fabric, its a fetish.

It's hard to believe that he actually finds women's underwear comfortable and the bows and frills nonsense seems more like a fetish than a preference. If comfort were his main concern, he could easily have chosen briefs or trunks instead of boxers.

Of course it is. Especially since some have ribbons and bows - they’re hardly necessary for comfort, even if we accept the rest.

I am always shocked that so few on Mumsnet seem to be into anything sexually that slightly deviates from the norm? Perhaps your partner is into wearing women’s underwear, if you think you can work through it, you can work through it. He doesn’t automatically have to be a pervert, a trans woman, an autogynophile or a cross dresser. If your relationship is strong and you love him, then this doesn’t need to be the end of it!

“Don’t be frigid”
“If you really love him you’ll let him”

It’s 2026, can’t you get some new lines? These coercive techniques are from a century ago.

Hi OP, feel free to have a look at my oast posts whereby I duscuss finding out about my partner being a crossdresser since the age of 12. My post is quite extreme in comparison to a partner wearing women's knickers but after finding out I went absolutely mental in researching crossdressing. Anything I could get my hands on I read, I asked questions on crussdressing forums etc and what I found was that most heterosexual crossdressers begin around puberty and it is pretty much always with either wonens tights or womens knickers (usually either their mothers, sisters or I'm some cases stolen).

Most crossdressers that want to keep it a secret wear their chosen first item (or first love of female clothing) during the day under their man clothes, they refer to this as under dressing. It is their little secret, their thrill that allows them to feel feminine during the day.

Beware, also that many crossdressers due to fear of disaproval, rejection and shame will not tell you the full truth. They will deny, minimise, give half answers, half truths, lie and as they have often been hiding it for years, they are very good at this.

Apologies for all the spelling mistakes, rushed reply.

I used to have a totally open mind about cross dressing men to the point that I would have even dated one, but I’ve learned so much over the past five years about autogynaphilia / links to sex offending / crimes / perversion etc that I just wouldn’t entertain it now. I cannot undo my ick about men who wear ladies’ underwear.

excatly

Oh bore off. I have no obligation to "work through it".