Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

I’m not sure it would be a deal breaker per se if it were me. I’d want an honest conversation about is this ie is the extent of it or is there a broader wanting to wear women’s clothes etc. (which would make a difference for me). then consider if it’s something I would be happy living with, given the picture of my relationship as a whole. Which only you can answer.

also reading this thread im not surprised that he didn’t feel open to share this. Everyone is entitled to their view of course but it’s a lot of catastrophsing over wanting to wear on the face of it differently cut fabric that we have decided belong to one sex over another.

There was a thread on here a couple of months ago where a woman admitted to wearing her husband's briefs to work when she ran out of clean undies and hundreds of replies of other women admitting to wearing them casually because they are more comfortable. Yet here we are hypothesising about a man being "abnormal" in a similar situation and having all sorts of kinks and fetishes which "will affect every aspect of life". Honestly...
I'm not surprised he doesn't want to talk about it. It's more of an issue that he feels being judged in a relationship than him wearing briefs made of a different material which is not "manly" enough.

Absolutely no.
He's an AGP

So you're saying men's pants are more comfortable, even for women.

This hardly supports the contention that women's pants are more comfortable for men, does it?

Yes but if they’ve never appeared in the washing basket, or op has never seen him in them, he’s hiding them. Not because they are more comfortable wearing them but because it’s a kink.

Honestly, you genuinely think he’s wearing them because they’re more comfortable? I mean, I can see women wear men’s because they’re more comfortable, but the other way around? Really? Really, really?

Do you believe he wears them though? If they never get washed, it's unlikely and more likely his collection from various women, sex workers or he's nicked them off washing lines.

The last thing I would believe is that he wears them himself @NickyKat

6 years, sorry op you must be reeling. I’d feel the same

I'm stuck on the part where you say you've never washed them, nor seen them before, so when is he washing them (if at all!)??

a. Adults are allowed kinks. It doesn't make them bad people.

b. I think it's incredibly understandable that no matter the reason, men hide it. Women can wear pretty much whatever they want. We're even allowed to dress up to feel sexy without being called perverts. Men only have to deviate slightly from the expected protocol and it becomes a headline. There was recently a thread which filled up within a few days full of hand wringing and outrage when a boy wanted to wear a skirt to school. My brother was recently verbally abused while I was walking with him because he was wearing a sparkly pink hat. No wonder they hide, Imo.

OP noone can decide for you. I like a man in a thong. You might think it's a deal breaker. It doesn't mean he's a bad person or partner, so be kind.

I must be alone in this but I’m not sure it would bother me, provided I was sure they weren’t there as the result of an affair.

If they were frilly and lacy I’d be a bit more alarmed but who cares what someone stuffs their genitals into day to day? Provided he doesn’t start wearing frocks and high heels 😂

I might be the only one who thinks this way though 😅

He would be out on his ear I’m afraid, it’s the thin end of the wedge.

Do you live together?

I have to agree with @Catza women wearing ments pants would not be treated with the same level of disgust. I’m not surprised he’s hiding them when majority of the people on this thread have judged him so harshly. I sometimes wear my husbands boxers he’s never questioned my motives or my femininity. He’s just happy that I’m comfortable.
It maybe the start of something bigger it might not but OP won’t know until she gets him talking. Realistically I’m not surprised men don’t ‘speak up’ about issues when they’re constantly judged for not being ‘manly’ enough.

I’d have two immediate thoughts:
Is this piece of mother fucking shit having an affair and keeping the trophies in my house.
Then I’d calm down and spiral into oh my god please don’t want to be a woman.

I’d also be concerned he’s nicking them off washing lines.

If it was some kink or whatever I don’t think I’d care.

Didnt say he was a bad person. I said it’s a kink. Up to op if she’s comfortable with his kink or not. But it’s bullshit to say because they’re better to wear otherwise they’d be in the washing basket along with his other undies.

Any secretive phone use?
I found a collection of tights. Mine was cross dressing and using a website called fabguys to meet other men and crossdressers for sex.
May be worth investigating also

I sell new underwear on line, I sell 75% to men. They may be buying for a partner but I doubt it in most cases. I think it’s probably more common than we think.
I’d feel shocked as you are, not certain it would be a deal breaker but I’d probably not want to know about it.

More likely to be S&M he's into.

They weren’t exactly hidden in his underwear drawer. I’m surprised you haven’t come across them before.

For me this would be the end of the relationship. Not because of the interest in gender blind dressing, but because of the fact that it’s hidden. They are not being honest with you.

This is someone who is not comfortable to fully express their whole selves yet, and therefore they are simply not ready to date.

I was about to post that very photo. IMO Perry is parading his fetish in plain sight and conning everyone it's 'art'.

I don't care about his reasons for wearing them. I am saying we have double standards. If you must know, I absolutely celebrate people having kinks. Again, if a woman came on here expressing that she loves having sex in red cars only, she would hardly be called a pervert. A man wearing a pair of thongs is not newsworthy regardless of reasons.

My life was made a living misery because of my ex husbands kinks. They started 18 years into the marriage and turned it inside out and upside down.
I did my best to ignore it but it destroyed us and our .marriage. it rarely stays at the wearing womens knickers stage.

He's hiding them because he knows what the reaction would be. As this post and comments indeed shows.
What's wrong with having kinks anyway?

I dont understand why everyone is so sure this is a link. They were 'mostly hipsters boys hires and briefs' those ARE all comfort pants. We're nit talking peek a boo, lace and things here. Maybe he does genuinely find them more comfortable? Ive been known to wear DH Pants in bed (to sleep) Hes never assumed im being feteshistic