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Original poster

Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

528 replies

NickyKat · 15/02/2026 02:17

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

OP posts:
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6
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/02/2026 02:23

This would be a dealbreaker for me. Worse will be to come.

Emotionalsupporttissue · 15/02/2026 02:25

I don't think I could be with someone who wears women's underwear.

Cheddars · 15/02/2026 02:29

No, not for me thanks. There’s no coming back from that.

PithyViewer · 15/02/2026 02:31

For me, it wouldn't matter what they heralded - worse to come, or another woman - because I would be so violently and irrevocably turned off that the relationship would be instantly over. I like meat-and-potatoes manly men, and I couldn't be doing with this nonsense. My revulsion would be uncontrollable and I don't think I would ever sleep with him again.

DurinsBane · 15/02/2026 02:40

NickyKat · 15/02/2026 02:17

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

Probably he is telling the truth, he liked the feel of wearing them. What you decide to do with that info is up to you…..

ghostofchristmaspasta · 15/02/2026 02:41

PithyViewer · 15/02/2026 02:31

For me, it wouldn't matter what they heralded - worse to come, or another woman - because I would be so violently and irrevocably turned off that the relationship would be instantly over. I like meat-and-potatoes manly men, and I couldn't be doing with this nonsense. My revulsion would be uncontrollable and I don't think I would ever sleep with him again.

Edited

I prefer whatever the opposite of ‘meat and potatoes manly men’ is (wonderful phrase by the way) but I would be weirded out by this too.

Not repulsed or anything but it’s a pretty big thing to hide if you’re at the stage of living together and it would need discussing, in a way that didn’t make him feel shamed.

BreakingBroken · 15/02/2026 02:57

dealbreaker for me, @PithyViewer said it the best ever!
i'm interested in men. you know there are boxers made of silk and even costco carries mens boy short type underwear that are 100% manly so the notion that he likes the fabric feel is BS he likes to dress in women's underwear.

Emotionalsupporttissue · 15/02/2026 03:00

he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers

I don't know about anyone else but once my underwear is on , I can't actually feel what the material is .

StarCourt · 15/02/2026 04:03

I think he has to talk about it if you want to stay together. If he has hidden this from you for 6 years what other surprises could be incoming? I’m assuming you live together.

Empress13 · 15/02/2026 04:10

Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s wearing yours too! No I couldn’t sleep with a man who wears women’s underwear so it would end the relationship

BCBird · 15/02/2026 04:12

I would struggle to.get past this

Bleachedjeans · 15/02/2026 05:07

Absolutely yuck.

CrocsNotDocs · 15/02/2026 05:13

Look up the trans widows threads on MN. He is almost certain to follow a well-trodden path to the lady feelz.

Remember, you don’t have to tolerate this. Never be told you are not being caring or understandings or are uptight and cruel for not going along with his fetish. Because he will try and rope you and your family and friends in. It’s ok to walk away.

Newyearsameme26 · 15/02/2026 05:51

I think if you were actually seeing them in the wash it might be less weird, but this is a private collection. Mens actual pants exist so I don't get it.

loislovesstewie · 15/02/2026 06:02

That would be it for me, I'm afraid. I'm not into transvestism in my significant other. I would wonder how far he wanted to go with that and it would make me very uneasy. What you do is your business, of course, but that's my thought.

Lampzade · 15/02/2026 06:14

Definite dealbreaker for me .

HappyBunny38 · 15/02/2026 06:18

Grayson Perry's doc on masculinity might help to give a different perspective, he's an artist who likes to wear women's clothes sometimes but he also has a strong marriage with a woman and seems like a pretty cool and masculine guy otherwise.

Anndalouzier · 15/02/2026 06:20

CrocsNotDocs · 15/02/2026 05:13

Look up the trans widows threads on MN. He is almost certain to follow a well-trodden path to the lady feelz.

Remember, you don’t have to tolerate this. Never be told you are not being caring or understandings or are uptight and cruel for not going along with his fetish. Because he will try and rope you and your family and friends in. It’s ok to walk away.

Yeah. Sure.

Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?
Anndalouzier · 15/02/2026 06:20

Oh sorry. Quoted the wrong post.
meant to quote @HappyBunny38

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 15/02/2026 06:22

Grayson Perry has been very honest and upfront about his fetish. Lucy is the name he goes by when he likes to dress up as a little girl. He's very clear it's a fetish and that he gets off on it. There's a reason he favours a big skirt.........

VaddaABeetch · 15/02/2026 06:27

HappyBunny38 · 15/02/2026 06:18

Grayson Perry's doc on masculinity might help to give a different perspective, he's an artist who likes to wear women's clothes sometimes but he also has a strong marriage with a woman and seems like a pretty cool and masculine guy otherwise.

He also wears dresses akin to Little girl's because he gets an erection thinking about himself as a little girl

hattie43 · 15/02/2026 06:28

Emotionalsupporttissue · 15/02/2026 02:25

I don't think I could be with someone who wears women's underwear.

Me neither .

RedRiverShore6 · 15/02/2026 06:30

As long as he doesn't write reviews on M&S

LoudSnoringDog · 15/02/2026 06:33

No chance. @PithyViewer nails the response. Every orifice in my body would close up at this nonsense. It’s not about the material texture ffs.

Nopersbro · 15/02/2026 06:36

I'm assuming these are silk, as men's cotton or microfiber undies are easy to find and would be much more comfortable for everyday wear (wider gussets, etc). Perhaps he thinks you wouldn't wash them properly and fears they might be damaged in the regular household wash?

If it's not that, then it seems like he's been intentionally hiding them from you. On the one hand he's entitled to his privacy. On the other hand, it does make it seem more of a fetish type activity, vs an aesthetic and comfort-based preference. A kink that slips into paraphilia can have a really corrosive impact on a relationship as it often becomes so important that the person will begin arranging his life to accommodate it, which of course impacts other areas of and people in his life.