Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

How long have you lived together? They don’t sound that hidden, surprised it hasn’t come up before. It’s reasonable that you want to talk about it, maybe he’ll be more open to talking today, he’s probably embarrassed.

Or maybe he doesn’t have any more information than what he’s already shared? What else do you want to know? What do you want to happen?

I think the balls in your court now to decide if you’re comfortable with this or not. It’s ok if you’re not. It’s his thing, it doesn’t have to be yours.

The comfort line makes no sense. Knickers whatever format are cut for the women's body. There are plenty of comfort pants for men, no seams, bamboo, breathable organic cotton etc. They have y fronts. Briefs, little short, huge boxers. A very very wide range of men's options. He gets a sexual hit out of the fact they are WOMEN'S knickers. It's not about comfort.

We haven't 'decided' that the different cut belongs to one sex over another. The reqirements are different!

Perry also turned up at a charity event (for children with cancer) with a massive prosthetic man part under his laters of nursery character skirt. He also says he enjoys the frisson of shocking people. He can pontificate all he likes, but he's open himself that it's sheer sexual deviance that motivates him.

Completely agree with @Barrellturn.
There are so many different styles and materials of pants for men - that are designed specifically for men. An assortment of women’s underwear would not be more comfortable. It’s also not as though he’s run out and wearing OP’s, he’s gone out and bought some. I would be concerned there’s more to come…

Crikey! I think most people would still be single if everyone felt like you do.

Adults are allowed kinks. It doesn't make them bad people.

I think hiding it from a partner of 6 years, whom he lives with, is a shit head thing to do. If he is unable to have an adult conversation about it, he shouldn't be in a relationship like this. If he thought she'd leave him because of it, then he's even more of an arsehole. He's decided not to give her the chance to make up her own mind so he can have what he wants.

And I disagree with your premise anyway. These ones don't apply to OP's partner, but a man who gets aroused by school uniforms, or strangling a woman, or porn of women being assaulted are bad people imo. Fuck this pandering to all kinks; some of them should be shamed.

He doesn’t even put them through the wash. That alone is disgusting.

Hard no from me.

Men’s genitals are on the outside if the body, ours are on the inside so he probably a feel the difference in the material. It would still creep me out though.

Mr Perry is a self-professed autogynephile, that is, a man who is sexually excited by the idea of himself as a woman, which makes it unfortunate that he frequently dresses as a pre-pubescent girl, as I now see others have already pointed out.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/13/grayson-perry-im-an-unapologetic-fetishist-

Well he’s lying isn’t he?

If he wore them regularly because he preferred the feeling, you would have come across them at your, erm, courting stage and definitely once living together.

He isn’t wearing them under his work clothes is he? They are for special alone time.

I would want to dig a lot deeper but if you don’t have DC and aren’t married, maybe it’s not worth the bother.

Yep, you should be worried because he's being secretive and uncommunicative. It literally doesn't matter what he's being secretive and uncommunicative about. You now have a trust issue.

My partner doesn’t like cotton boxers either. So he wears men’s briefs. Your partner likes wearing women’s underwear: it’s a kink. The thought processes that lie behind that kink would be a deal breaker for me.

What difference in material though? Men's boxers are made of cotton, bamboo, maybe the cheap ones polyester (yuck). Women's knickers are made from cotton, bamboo. Maybe polyester (again, yuck!) I'd say men's are generally cut to be more comfortable, no chafing knicker lines, nice seams, no stupid frilly elastic bits, no bows.

Guys for God sake, this is nothing to do with the material. What a pile of shit. It's because they are hidden and it's a fetish.

He admits that it’s a fetish. Look up autogynaephile.

I really wouldn’t care what underwear he was wearing right now, What would worry me would be where this would be going. Behaviour tends to escalate and if you decide to stay and build your whole and only life with him there is a very good chance you will end up being married to someone called Jasmine who insists they (and therefore you) are a lesbian. If you feel ok about such a future I’d leave it and go with the flow, if the idea of that future is abhorrent to you, I think you should just leave. Any where in the middle means lots and lots of honest conversations, you can’t just ignore this as it will not go away.

‘Likes the material’ bullshit. You can buy men’s underwear in silk, thongs, briefs, shorts, any design, but they’re made for men to accommodate a penis. Why would a man want to wear I’ll-fitting women’s underwear, which obviously isn’t designed with space for male genitalia.

Do we not find it even a little bit understandable that he was hiding it/embarrassed given that the mere mention of a man with (not even particularly sexy sounding) underwear has given way to hyperbole about lady stranglers?

He did have a discussion about it. He told the OP why he was wearing them. He's embarrassed about it which is a very understandable reaction which is why he didn't tell her straight away. Panicking about it helps noone.

I am all for people doing what makes them happy - change genders or dress up as furries or whatever - unless they deceive other people. I personally would be put off by this as I personally like manly men - the sort that can bury dead animals, change a tire and not spend longer than me in the bathroom getting their hair right. Some people might not be bothered though. It's not so much the fetish of female underwear but that he has kept this from you for six years. It would make me wonder what other things he has concealed. I would be very seriously considering the future of this relationship.

Men can be a transvestite (liking to wear women's clothes) without wanting to transition or be gay.

It's his little fetish.

It's up to you to decide if you can accept it.

Same. I'm afraid it would make me drier than the Sahara and I could not ever look at him sexually again. I would have to end it.

My.hubby wears these 'elephant nose' pants in a very silky material, there's a separate pouch for the willy they are not actually in the shape of an elephant, thats the name for the style!

But they are nost definitely for men. So silky 'nice feel' pants for men do exist. Why isn't he wearing those?

Urgh that is gross. Gone right of him now

I agree.

Whilst my husband and I don’t routinely dig around in each others drawers we certainly know pretty much what is in each one. We put each others laundry away and search for missing socks in each others drawers. My hairdryer lives in a compartment in my underwear drawer and he often uses it. Likewise I sometimes pack for him on weekends away and will have to go through his underwear drawer.

Also we are in the same room when we dress or undress in the evening and the morning…

How have you not seen them before?

Is this a new thing with your DP?